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Does cutting for only a few months and stopping make me any less of a self-harmer?

210 Answers
Last Updated: 05/11/2022 at 4:37pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
June 23rd, 2016 6:36am
No. You are a self harmer, you have harmed yourself on purpose. Once or a thousand times. yet, you do not need to identify yourself as that. it's in your past.
Anonymous
July 31st, 2016 11:06am
Something that stands out in this question for me is that it's about being *a self-harmer* (as opposed to being about the action of self-harming). What does it mean to you to 'be a self-harmer'? How do you feel about the idea of 'being a self-harmer'? Is it something you want to be seen as or want not to be seen as? It may or may not be something you value - If it is, I'd try to think about other ways you could create an identity for yourself and express yourself. I used to self harm, and I have scars all over my left arm. I'm not ashamed or proud of these scars, but them being there does have a potential impact for the rest of my life. I cover them sometimes because I don't want to wear this part of my past on my sleeve when meeting new people; I am happy to open up about these things, but I don't want it to be the first thing people see of me as I don't want to talk about it all the time and I don't want people to misunderstand them. The reality is that this can be a real pain sometimes. For example, on a hot day when I want to wear short sleeves. Fortunately, since I have stopped they are becoming less visible over time and have got to a stage where most people do not notice them unless they look carefully. I hope this has been helpful in some way, and I wish you luck with the rest of your journey!
Anonymous
October 22nd, 2016 7:46am
That's amazing that you stopped! You used to self-harm and now you do not. We are not the identity of our pasts, we are the identity of who we are now and of who we want to be.
Anonymous
June 7th, 2017 4:08pm
There‘s no such thing as “more” of a self-harmer or “less” of a self harmer. Self harming is a delicate issue that needs to be handled carefully. And, i hope that you did stop self-harming. If Yes, then congratulations and if No, Keep fighting. We are all there for you.
LetsCherishLife
November 12th, 2017 2:45pm
I personally don't really like to call someone a "self-harmer". This is like you would blame him for this but most people do it out of deep despertation and because they don't know how to else help themselves. Though in my opinion you are only a self-harmer - if you really want to call it like that- as long as you actually do harm yourself. I did cut myself for serveral years but now for another few years I didn't do it anymore and I overcame it. And I don't feel like I will be a self-harmer for the rest of my life just because of the scars. I am rather proud that I managed to overcome this and that it is a thing of the past now.
Trice24
April 5th, 2018 9:13am
No it doesn't. But it does make you incredibly strong. I have struggled with self harm for years and I know how hard it is to stop. The fact that you have managed to make such progress in only a few months is something to be proud of. It might help to think of yourself as someone who struggles with self harm rather than a 'self-harmer'. Doing so helps me to remember that there is so much more to me than my struggles with self harm. For many people, the struggle with self harm continues after they stop cutting. The urges to self harm may still be there, even if they aren't acted on any more. Recovery is a road rather than a destination and staying on the road can be really tough. Whether or not this is the case for you, remember how far you have come and how strong you are. There may be bumps in the road, sometimes you may leave it altogether, but it will be there for you when you are ready to start walking it again. I wish you the best with your recovery.
Anonymous
April 18th, 2018 9:33pm
Physically and biologically speaking - yes, but there may be other ways of self-harming such as undervaluing your self-worth, working to others advice or opinions which deep down inside you don't feel is right (you may be acting against your own morals or values which may hurt emotionally)
eliijaxes
February 15th, 2018 12:52am
I don't really think there is an agenda or specific time interval that accompanies being a self-harmer. There's not really way to be "more" of a self-harmer. If you self-harm, you self-harm, that's that, you know? And stopping is good, it's a good thing to stop, but it doesn't discount anything or invalidate what you were going through before you stopped. I think that thinking there is a certain way you have to be to be a self-harmer is dangerous because it can make people want to be more of one, or a "better" one, when it reality it's not something you want to do more of, it's something that you want to stop, which can take time, and when people feel like they weren't a good enough self-harmer, it makes stopping harder.
Lulubell21
February 8th, 2018 11:29am
Not at all. It's very easy as someone who cuts to compare yourself to others: "oh I've just scratched myself a few times, that person has got deepwe or bigger scars than me". It can make you feel like a fraud. But its important to remember, self-harm is self-harm. And everyone is completely different. There are no comparisons. Even if you have only hurt yourself once or only thought about it, the negative thoughts are still there and getting advice and support is just as important.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2016 6:41pm
You are a self-harmer, but with enough strength to stop doing it. I congratulate any one of you for stopping.
AerinL
July 6th, 2016 4:43pm
Self harm is self harm but the fact that you were able to stop shows that you have grown and taken steps in the right direction.
CaringFriend2000
October 26th, 2018 9:18pm
No, of course not. If you have self-harmed, even just once, that makes you a self-harmer (if that is what you choose to identify with- some people stop considering themselves self-harmers during their recovery). Your experience is valid and real, and just because it didn't happen for years it doesn't negate the pain you went through and it doesn't make your recovery "easier". And it's so amazing that you managed to stop earlier than later! You should be proud of yourself. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, your journey and your experience is as real as anybody else's who has been there. I am so glad you stopped. You deserve to recover. I wish you all the happiness possible.
Parn442
October 10th, 2018 9:52am
No, it doesn't. Because that's not possible. Cutting even once can become an addiction. The physical pain would dilute out the mental pain and then you would keep on seeking for the physical pain as a distraction. And no matter how many times it is, self harm is a self harm. It hurts the same and has the same effect. It leaves a scar for life, if not physical, then at least a mental scar. It would keep on reminding you of your weakness and your times of despair. It's definitely better to resort to different approach to distract the mental pain. It could be any way that doesn't harm your health or anyone else's. Music helps. But that's when nothing's gone too far. One should try to seek put for help when things seem like they're going too far.
ManiMorgan
July 27th, 2016 9:48pm
Not at all. But then, being a part of the SI community doesn't make you any less of an anything. Any time anyone goes on a binge of food then purges it or drinking things like alcohol it is Self Injury as much as cutting or burning etc. Sometimes these acts are temporary, sometimes they are lifelong. The important thing is recognizing it as destructive and redirecting the energy into something CONstructive. You only have one you, so be kind to it.
Anonymous
September 12th, 2018 1:31pm
A self-harmer had a lifetime of abuse from someone (or more than one person). It doesn't matter how early or later in life the abuse happened. Once, the person is abused, whether physically, mentally (psychologically), socially and/or financially, this person goes through a deep emotional turmoil internally. They think they are the problem. They see themselves as worthless, useless, bad, horrible, mean and/or good for nothing. This is when they start to harm themselves. The cutting makes them feel something (even when it is pain and bleeding) and sometimes it makes them feel in control of their lives. It isn't attention getting, because they do the self harm in private. And when they get found out, they are embarrassed and ashamed. However all of this isn't their fault. And they are not alone. They don't feel safe and they don't trust anyone. Most of the time, they are introverts and have very few friends.
Anonymous
June 29th, 2018 7:58am
cutting for any amount of time can be addicting and if you continuously do it will always be an option for you, but if you find other ways to cope that are healthier for you and less addicting, you could stop sooner.
Anonymous
July 6th, 2018 1:18am
No,self-harm isn’t about for how long you do it.Maybe you do it for a day,but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t count.
mirandaverandah
July 8th, 2018 4:23am
Not at all. The fact that you get the urge to harm yourself and engage in self-harm behaviour at all would technically make you a "self-harmer". You don't need to label yourself as that though because that doesn't make you who you are.
Anonymous
July 12th, 2018 11:52pm
Self harm is self harm. No matter how long, or how many times it is practiced, it doesn’t make it any worse or any better.
Anonymous
July 13th, 2018 11:28am
That will always be part of your identity, because it’s an obstacle you’ve faced and that has made you stronger.
makala3
July 17th, 2018 4:49pm
it sounds like you are depressed and need to talk to sormone. it can lead to more if you get anymore depressed.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2018 1:01pm
Cutting makes you a self-harmer but Im glad if you stopped and I want you to know that no matter how dark a situation could seem, you should not harm yourself. Take care of yourself and give yourself all the love in the world, because you deserve it.
WaterColorWitch
July 28th, 2018 5:34pm
It's complicated. If you self harm to cope with depression and pain, it may recur as a coping method or at least a desire thoughout all of your life, but that is no reason to feel defeated. On the contrary, if you can stop for a while, when you feel in control of your life, that is a good sign. It means, when the urges to harm are in your head, they are a clear sign you need to talk to someone about your problems. It can be turned into an advantage for taking care of yourself, if you are patient and determined. Don't let the stigma make you feel ashamed, it's actually very natural, but a symptom of a bigger problem.
S229
August 12th, 2018 1:01am
If you have only harmed once, you are a harmer. either way, at some point you felt the need to harm yourself for whatever reason you had.
wildsiamreads
September 4th, 2018 5:02pm
From my experience, what makes someone a self-harmer is the fact that they repeatedly harm themselves no matter if it's only a matter of days, weeks, months, or even years. Anyone who self-harm needs to reach out and seek the help that they need. I personally went through it for months and thankfully I outgrew it (and took up other vices unfortunately). Self-care and self-love don't happen overnight and from my personal experience, discussing self-harm with the people i trust helped me overcome the urges. I was in a dark, dark place. From then on, i still get enveloped by darkness, but never the urge of self-harm any longer. I've grown quite fond of myself and wouldn't want me to be hurt in that way anymore.
Anonymous
November 15th, 2018 4:26am
No it does not. Because from time to time, you're willing to hurt yourself and you do not know the intensity of where that is coming from, so no, it does not make you any less of a self-harmer. Just know that it's temporary pain and it doesn't make the problem just go away. There are better ways to deal with problems than to self-harm. Do not get to a point where self-harming becomes a thing, even occasionally because that means you still are facing that problem and its still going to be there, because self-harm doesn't send it anywhere.
Anonymous
October 13th, 2018 5:43am
Everyone's experience is valid whether it happened for a few months or a few years. What you have been through and what you are currently going through make you stronger than you'll ever know. Self harming is never the answer to take away your pain. Yes you went through it for a short amount of time, but that experience was real. It was real to you. Sometimes we all feel overwhelmed with things in life and we look for ways out of it. There are so many people who would be proud of you to know that you only had to go through that pain for a few months. You are strong and you made it through.
Anonymous
November 2nd, 2018 12:16pm
no! I am sorry that you had to see or go through something unfortunate that made you cut yourself, but cutting is cutting and if you did it repeatedly for months then that too is self-harm, time does not matter consistency does, if you are still self-harming please seek help you don't deserve those cuts or cutting, nobody does, you can contact me or any of the wonderful listeners here , but if you did stop Well Done! I am proud of you, but please seek help if you didn't. self-harm can turn into a dangerous addiction, and taking even small initiatives to stop it is great because after all small steps are better than nothing.It will all be fine don't worry. And to sum up the thing, no you are not any less of a self-harmer than others so if you're thinking that, then don't please, you are worth your life and you are no less than them to think that you're safe. Hope this answer helped :). Have a good day and a good life.
Anonymous
October 6th, 2018 3:10pm
No, if you have ever cut yourself then you have self harmed and therefore are a self harmer. I cut for years on and off and I never would say that I was a self harmer but I guess I was. You can’t be ‘less of a self harmer’ Because of the duration, if you felt the urge to cut and pursued that urge you have the same experience as someone who has been doing it for years. If you felt during those months that you needed to cut to release your pain then it is valid and no one can tell you it isn’t. It is not a competition as to who cuts the deepest or who’s been doing it the longest. It is always serious not matter how ‘bad’ or how ‘long’ it’s been going on for
Hope2612
November 18th, 2018 7:45pm
Self-harming is not limited to just cutting, there are certain behaviors that people do during their bad times that could also indicate self harm. Behaviors like not caring if someone kidnaps you if you walk alone at night, or not eating right because you're too sad. It could also be depriving your body of certain necessities. However, cutting for a few months and stopping does not mean you are no longer a self-harmer. It could return again. Try to find an alternative, or come talk to someone here or someone you love. Meditation can help to replace self-harm for some people. Self care is extremely important, prioritize yourself, it is not always selfish sometimes it is necessary.