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How many times will I have to tell myself "I'm never going to do this again" for me to realize that self harm is not the right way to deal with pain?

15 Answers
Last Updated: 08/02/2021 at 5:55am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
February 23rd, 2015 8:53pm
Each time you tell yourself this you are one step closer to realising that it is not the right thing to do. You need to persevere and stay as strong as possible for you and everyone that you have around you.
February 25th, 2015 7:48pm
We have the need to do it because we feel like no one around us gets the way we are feeling. When we find someone that understands us and help us getting through this pain, we can stop telling ourselves "I'm never going to do this again"
April 4th, 2015 12:12am
Well, unfortunately getting over self harm is a huge struggle- it's like nicotine. Sometimes you just have to wait for that moment where you realize that it's truly not a good coping mechanism.
May 11th, 2015 3:04pm
Time will heal the deepest of wounds. You can keep trying methods to stop. You can keep telling yourself you aren't going to do it again but you have to make a stand and be the change you want to see.
June 4th, 2015 1:53pm
You'll need to find some other way to cope with your issues. You have to replace that unhealthy habit with a healthy habit and it can take a long time if you're addicted to self-harming. Maybe it can help to talk to a professional/friend/family member... someone you have great chemistry with, someone who shows understanding and compassion.
June 6th, 2015 3:42pm
For me it took months to stop self harming. I relapsed several times. When I did it for the first time, I told myself that could stop whenever I wanted. I'm in recovery now, self harm free for 3 weeks. I'm proud at it, and at my love of my life who supports me as much as I can. Now I truly know that this isn't the right way to deal with pain.
October 26th, 2015 3:58am
You're going to fall - and you're going to relapse, and you're going to relapse a lot. But every hour you go without self-harm is a step closer to recovery. Your skin isn't paper don't cut it. Your face isn't a mask don't hide it. Your size isn't a book don't judge it. Your life isn't a film don't end it. You are beautiful, and you're just going to have to deal with that truth. It's important to remember when you're depressed you have to nurse yourself and be extra gentile towards yourself. Just like an athlete wouldn't break an ankle then force themselves to run that ankle. They rest as it heals and do not think "I'm a failed athlete" they think "right now something isn't working so I'll take care of myself until it does." Just like a broken bone, depression can change the way your daily life plays out. Pushing yourself too hard and getting frustrated when you don't feel better is like trying to run on that broken ankle and getting frustrated when it doesn't heal.
November 16th, 2015 4:19pm
it takes time. It takes alot of streanght, but youll get there. It depends from person to person as well, for some it takes maybe two times for others two houndred. But if you just ceep telling yourself and believe in what your saying you can do this. good luck
November 17th, 2015 8:31pm
I will remind myself every day until I know I won't slip back into self-harming to cope with my depression or pain.
December 2nd, 2015 5:00am
There's no set answer for that. Something will take away the lure of self harm eventually, whether it is positive or negative. Then after it's no longer what it once was, you build up personal strength and it's easier to say no.
January 4th, 2016 3:15pm
That's a very hard thing to deal with, as self harm is addictive and often a primary coping strategy. But to help yourself recover, you have to establish new, healthy coping strategies, for example writing, holding ice etc, anything to distract yourself from urges. After a while, urges become less frequent and less intense, and recovery gets easier. But even then relapse is nothing to be ashamed of, it's what makes us human and is just another step to recovery.
August 8th, 2016 10:45am
When you are telling yourself that "I'm never going to do this again" you may only have to tell yourself this once, maybe a hundred times or your still telling yourself this now. Self harm isn't the best way to deal with your emotions, but until you figure out what other methods will benefit you then you will continue to say this to yourself
September 26th, 2016 11:43pm
As many times as it takes for you to stop. If you do not think you will be able to please seek professional help
January 2nd, 2017 5:13pm
You never know. I've relapsed multiple times with really long periods of time in between self harming. You can never really tell unless you are stopping it for a reason other than just to stop it. For example, if someone you love makes you promise not to do it again then you may well stop forever because of it
August 2nd, 2021 5:55am
There is no exact numerical answer to this because stopping self-harm is a long arduous process for many people (myself included). It's not something where you wake up one day and then just don't want to do it anymore, it's not something where just because you have nothing to harm with it's still not on your mind endlessly (speaking from my own experience so this may or may nto be your experience). It's something you have to take moment by moment and if that's day by day, hour by hour or even a few minutes at a time, whatever works for you goes. One huge help might be not seeing slip ups as end-all moments within recovery. They're not end all moments, they're moments that shape our path and they might be a step or two or three backwards, but they're not a finite "I need to start over and back at square one" sorta thing. You're doing what you can with what you have in the environment you're in and that's all anyone can ask of you. Treat yourself as kindly as possible too, that will help things improve as well. I'm here for you.