What do I say to people that ask about my scars without making them uncomfortable?
237 Answers
Last Updated: 06/09/2022 at 8:17pm
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Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
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Top Rated Answers
I always tell people my scars tell a story. The story of how I battles things in life....but I'm still standing here because I won. My scars show my past. They don't dictate my future or who I am.
That their battle scars, and it's because I'm a fighter and I'm winning the battle. (That's if you've stoped)
Anonymous
November 25th, 2017 1:14am
Change the subject, it's nobody's business what you've been through unless you trust them, it was a rough time and you've made it through the fire
Politely say that they're your life story and how you've had your own battles, your scars are who you are and what you've been through, and while it was rough then you can look back and say "I'm a stronger person now" :)
Anonymous
December 13th, 2017 9:39am
Tell them that they are evidence of your battles. You are not a victim, you are a survivor.
In all honesty, those who ask about scars must have a reason for doing so and perhaps they too are experienced enough to know.
Although it can still be a little uncomfortable at times, you can simply say to people that you'd rather talk about something else. However if you do want them to know, it might be best to talk to them privately
If you want to be honest, you can be honest with them. Then you can say something like "I have these scars because of ..." and explain to them why you have them and if they ask further (and you feel comfortable telling them about it) you can explain more. But if you do not feel comfortable telling them about why you have these scars, feel free to tell them "I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about it".
Tell them a funny and untrue story. Make a joke out of your scars, its a little white lie so you don't make them uncomfortable.
Anonymous
January 31st, 2018 7:59pm
You can tell them that they are reminders that you are stronger...that you have fought with your inner demons and are still here
Say that you would rather not speak about them. Hopefully the person will understand and won’t ask about them.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2018 10:29pm
If you aren't comfortable with talking about self harm to that person, you can just say "It's a long story"
I think if people feel comfortable asking such a personal question then you really do not need to worry about your response making them uncomfortable. If you feel like you want to be open go for it but if you'd like to answer without emitting negative energy, I would say something vague like "it's a scar from awhile ago." It's really no one's business unless you want it to be.
Anonymous
February 17th, 2018 9:46pm
explain the situation and assure them that you are not uncomfortable about the question. Remember that your scars do not define you
Tell them each scar has lead to who you are today. Thats all you need to tell them, the rest isn't their business.
Anonymous
March 14th, 2018 1:50pm
Try to tell them that you had a rough time with many problems and that you are trying to leave the past behind you.
You say " Yes I have scars but Im also alive, these scars have given me enough strength to live and to get here where I am now. Im proud of these scars because they're a part of who I am as a person."
Anonymous
April 7th, 2018 5:23pm
You don't always have to shy away from the truth, there are stigmas surrounding mental health but they are slowly improving. You can always say that you were ill and in a bad place but now you're better
What I say about my scars is this- This happened a long time ago and I’m much better now. Sometimes children will ask if the scars hurt. I simply say no and that they are, again, from a very long time ago, and that I’m okay and nothing is wrong, and100% of the time children will move on and forget about it. Bottom line is you don’t need to go into detail. It’s your personal business and if after saying the above- if anyone is uncomfortable, then that is their problem. Not yours. And you do not have to carry the burden of anyone else’s opinion of the pain that caused you to cut.
You don't even have to answer to everyone if you feel uncomfortable. If you wanted to, though, I would do it sincerely.
Anonymous
April 18th, 2018 5:41am
I just make some joke about it to make them laugh so that they don't get uncomfortable and that kinda change the mood and environment and if they ask again i tell them truth politely not making it big deal
Sometimes there is no way to do this, however if they ask they may realise they might feel uncomfortable but want to know because they are curious or want to know more about you. The only thing I could suggest is the phrasing and maybe not going into too much detail if you feel uncomfortable.
Assuming it's in regards to self injury, it depends upon your level of comfort. With young kids, I'll just say I was in an accident. With the older kids, I'll say the same thing, or if they don't believe me, I'll give a partially honest answer by saying I was hurt. With the more older and suspecting, such as adults or others with a history of self harm, I'll simply say "I've dealt with self harm, but now I am managing it better." Also, I've said, it was botched surgeries. That was to two people.
Anonymous
April 26th, 2018 8:50pm
eh this scars its my signature like kratos or avatar its me scars are me i am the scar thats all :D.
You can just ask if they really wanna know the truth and then decide how much you tell. It’s not your responsibility to make them feel ok with it.
You keep your head up, shoulders straight, look them in the eye and say, "I've struggled with many things that put these scars here. I've struggled and survived."
Anonymous
May 5th, 2018 12:38pm
Say that you've had some trouble in the past but now everything is under control
And tell them not to worry because you've already won this battle
Anonymous
May 9th, 2018 4:19pm
Try to be honest about it, and let them know to say when they are becoming uncomfortable. Calm your breathing and everything will be fine
Anonymous
May 9th, 2018 7:28pm
The ideal is for you to feel comfortable in yourself to either be open and honest that you've overcome some hurdles and trauma in your life, or tell them it's not something you wish to discuss, but thank you for asking. Either way, you don't have to make yourself feel uncomfortable and pressured to tell someone if you're not sure - especially if you're not sure you can trust them. If you're confident in the way you deal with this question, then they're less likely to feel uncomfortable.
Anonymous
May 11th, 2018 10:39pm
Say, “These are my battle scars, it shows that I went through hell, and made it back alive.â€
I know how hard this is by experience, and especially if they are not healed yet. If they are scars always remember to say "i'm stronger now" or "i have learned how to cope now". You can always say, "i was going through a really rough time and i was not sure how to cope, but i'm better now". If that's the case, you are not lying to them and you are saying something that's beneficial to the both of you. Side note, scars show your strength!!
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