What to do when coping skills stop you from harming, but mean you're still feeling really distressed?
Last Updated: 03/07/2016 at 9:23pm
Graham Barrone, Adip ICHP, MCBT
If you've found that your quality of life has reduced because of anxiety, fear or some kind of mental hurdle that you just can't get over then lets chat.
Top Rated Answers
The trick is to find positive feedback for myself in not harming even if it feels less than good. I have to practice what I call self-diplomacy. I say nice things about me to myself that are true but that ordinarily I'd dismiss as expected. Like: I went XX amount of hours without doing harm or I really used my resources well and that was great for me. It's important to mark progress rather than only shooting for perfection because I don't get it perfect hardly ever but I get it mostly right far more often than I realize unless I praise those mini-successes. And I have learned to prefer to call them mini-successes. I have to celebrate the small steps if I want to keep moving forward.
If you are feeling distressed with certain coping skills, maybe they are not the ones for you. Everyone is different and there are many different coping mechanisms available. Don't be afraid to try new ones out if the ones you are using aren't working. There are many coping mechanisms outlined on the website, so maybe have a read through some of the self-help guides to see what else you could try. Also maybe speaking to someone close to you about what is happening, maybe talking more openly about things and knowing you have someone who will listen and support you will ease your feelings of distress.
I think find that if you stop harming, pat yourself on that back. New hobbies tend to make me feel less distressed, if you're doing something that distracts you and it's fun then it's good all round.
There's several things you can do really. You could go for a nice, long walk. You could also try a boxing class or martial arts to get ride of stress, anger and teach you self defence at the same time :) All whilst meeting new people and feeling better in general :) Good luck!
You could try exercising to relive the stress you are feeling at the moment not only that you could also try talking to someone why you are feeling stressed.
Further invest into your coping skills. if the coping is more athletic, take a class or participate in an organization. If its more literacy based, commit to making your work public in a blog, and see how its received, or how others think you can improve. Whatever used to cop, can serve other purposes rather then fending off whatever someone's going through, but can be used as a source of joy, so invest into it!
Try going it for a run or punching things try and work out your anger or sadness in ways that won't harm you
Coping skills mainly involve physical distraction,You should find mental distractions. On the other hand you can always let your feeling out for example punching pillows, screaming.
Try to find coping skills that will calm you, like our mindfulness exercises that are offered here, or things that you enjoy doing that might take your mind off of it. Ideas could be: Going for a walk, playing video games, watching a movie/TV show, playing a game, exercising, listening to music, drawing, doing art, meditating, taking a nap.
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