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Why do I have to pretend that everything is okay?

20 Answers
Last Updated: 06/28/2021 at 5:13pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Tara Davis, Doctorate in Counselling Psychology


I have worked successfully with a wide range of difficulties. Nothing is more important than developing a warm, compassionate relationship with someone you can trust

Top Rated Answers
December 28th, 2015 12:32pm
People cope with stress in many ways. One of them is to simply do what you said, pretend (IGNORE) everything is ok. Realizing this takes you a step further into the solution...
February 17th, 2015 11:28pm
It is a brave face that you are putting on. Perhaps you are worried to speak out about it to people, or you are trying to be strong to others. Never be afraid to confide in someone you trust about anything that is on your mind. It will be better for you to find ways to speak about anything bothering you, rather than deal with it on your own.
March 11th, 2015 7:21pm
You don't need to. "Secrets make you sick" Finding help is the best way to get back to being okay.
February 12th, 2015 3:15am
You don't. It's that simple. If something hurts, than you need to find someone. That's why this website exists.
May 15th, 2017 11:41am
Some people, well everybody has a different approach to it, do not like their inner feelings to be exposed. It makes them feel vulnerable and insecure. So they tend to keep their sadness, or whatever is bothering them, to themselves, and pretend to be happy.
June 18th, 2015 2:57am
You don't! Because everything is not okay. You have to be superhuman not to break down every now and then because of life. Everyone feels the internal need to put on a mask around others because well all fear being ostracized from showing that our lives are very hard, and very imperfect. But we can start building an environment, like here on 7 Cups, where it's okay to not be okay. And you won't judge others for struggling, and they won't judge you. ♡
June 5th, 2015 3:11am
You don't. You don't have to hide your feelings to please someone or yourself. You shouldn't feel ashamed.
August 16th, 2016 5:32am
You don't! You can always talk to someone you trust if you're not okay. You never have to hide your feelings.
June 17th, 2015 2:29am
Well, you shouldn't have to. You should be able to express everything you feel and not be judged for what you feel. However, our society tells us that certain emotions show weakness and we naturally cover them up.
March 19th, 2016 6:48pm
You don't need to pretend everything's okay tell some one who can help you everyone has problems even the most normal and happy ist people to are eyes has problems just talk to someone you can trust that won't judge you and will support you like a trusted friend or family maybe even a 7 cups listener.
June 7th, 2016 6:14pm
you pretent because you dont want anything bad to happen its like your in a trans where you can feel safe
June 13th, 2016 1:55pm
It's our sense of self-preservation. We don't want to appear weak or different to others, so we protect ourselves trying to blend in. And sometimes asking for help is a challenge, cause we're afraid of judgment.
June 21st, 2016 6:33am
You don't have to pretend everything is okay. Because doing that only hurts and your wellness is more important than pretending that everything is okay around you.
August 2nd, 2016 8:02pm
Pretending everything is okay is often a coping mechanism. Although it may seem helpful, it is best not to ignore your problems.
March 20th, 2017 8:07am
You don't have to, At least not all the time but sometimes pretending helps cope significantly. You keep pretending to be okay to a point you really are
August 7th, 2017 5:50am
In my non-clinical group therapy program one of the most important things stressed is that "it's okay not to be okay" - never at any point do you have to pretend like everything is okay. Feeling sad, anxious, or any other feeling than okay is totally fine, and never at any point should you feel pressured to pretend like those feelings aren't there and keep them bottled up. Bottling up feelings honestly never once provided me with any sort of relief. Addressing your feelings in a healthy way is so beneficial, Remember, it's OKAY not to be OKAY.
August 22nd, 2017 11:38pm
Sometimes we want to hide the truth from ourselves and say it's okay, when we truly know it's not. And that's something we need to come face to face with, is knowing when everything's not okay. Because it's okay to not be okay. Even if you're not okay for a long time. It's the fact of knowing we aren't so we can make changes. Because we can only truly make these changes ourselves. No one else can. So focus on you and find out who you are and how to overcome these situations.
April 23rd, 2018 6:14pm
You don’t have to :) it’s ok to not be ok. Really. We all wear masks that cover our emotions, but it is important to acknowledge your emotions and tell people that you are not ok.
January 29th, 2019 6:32am
I suppose you don't. I understand the need to pretend like it is all okay but consider why do you have to pretend. You should be able to express yourself in social settings too. In any case, the other end to it is that faking it does help you in making it. But bottling it all up is not very mentally healthy. You should seek a healthy space for conversation, like 7cups, a good listener friend, family, etc. All these things will help identify a safe space and get a good place to speak your mind. Best of luck to you!
June 28th, 2021 5:13pm
This is a coping mechanism. We've constantly heard "fake it til you make it" and many of us have taken on that mindset. We don't want to burden others and sometimes we don't want to come to terms with what we're feeling, so we cover it all up and pretend. Pretending is suffocating, though. Performing like that is exhausting. Do yourself a favor, and acknowledge your pain. Feeling it and addressing it is the healthiest thing you can do not only for yourself and your own mental health, but for thsoe around you as well. Best of luck, friends!