Why do I miss my scars from previous self harm?
Last Updated: 12/18/2018 at 3:56pm
Christie Belle, Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy
I am a U.S. Air Force veteran and a ex-Army spouse. I am a divorced mother of two teenage boys, my youngest son has a diagnosis of autism, which I am very passionate about.
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I can't speak for you, but I have sometimes found that I use my scars like a security blanket. I get it in my head sometimes that I need them for my problem to have been "valid", and I feel guilty if I see someone else with worse scarring as if my experience was all made up. The important thing to remember is none of that is true. You know your experience better than anyone else, and it matters a great deal. You getting better matters a great deal, and you don't need scars to "prove" anything to yourself. Sometimes when I feel really insecure I draw on myself where scars used to be and I find it helps. I also remind myself of all of the reasons why scars are a pain to have, so that even on days when I miss them I can remind myself I'm better off without them. I hope this helps a little. Additional help for self injury can be found at selfinjury.com
Those cuts, although harmful, helped you cope with a difficult time. They provided a source of comfort and became a part of your identity.
Sometimes scars feel like battle scars, and people like seeing them on their bodies because it reminds them of how far they've come. Other times, it's because seeing how you're feeling or how you felt spelt out on your skin helps some people make sense of things.
I always saw my scars as a reminder of everything that had happened to me. Each scar was related to an event or emotion or memory, and as the scars faded, I worried that I would forget what they had stood for. I still miss mine, at times, because for a while they were integral to how I saw myself. At some point, you'll look at yourself in a new light, and maybe you won't miss them as much.
Sometimes people want the bad times they've been through to be wrapped up in part of their identity. Since it was such a hard part of your life, you may want that to be part of your personal significance and identity.
Scars can give a sense of control and peace. You watch them heal and it can be comforting to see something tangible like that. If you have come to depend on self harm to cope with difficult feelings then it makes sense that you might miss the positive feelings that you associate with self harm. However, if you are trying to quit, it is worth keeping in perspective some of the negatives of having self harm scars as well, such as being self-conscious of them at work/school.
It's because they remind you of what you've been through. But it's time to move, because that was in the past and we want to move on from the past.
I think many people see self harm as a form of control. When the things in your life spiral downwards, you look to self harm. I think maybe you miss the scars because they represent the pain you were able to inflict when there was pain that you couldn't stop outside. Another reason they could be important is because they reminded you of the pain you used to feel and the fact that they're gone means that pain might not come back; it feels strange because you get so used to the pain and the reminder of it that you're confused when it's gone.
They all have a meaning, and they all have a reason. They taught you a lesson. Some good and some bad
because I think at one point , they made us feel as if we were safe. It is the only thing that we knew that was steady in our lives.
Becasue they are a reminder that you got through some really hard times in your life. Also thy are a way to know you can do anything
self harm is known to let out anger on yourself and when it scars sometimes people like it so it reminds them of what they've been through
Things that I went in the past were directly involved with the choices I made..I was focusing on issues that I have and always ended up with wrong people and situation in this process I forgot about my career ..there is so many things to learn. My past motivates me to learn more thing around me..learning a new language and business software is on my mind..which I will accomplish..coz past hurts however present shall heal so that future will be more fun to live..
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