I can completely identify with this! There are a number of reasons that you may be missing your scars. Some people see their scars/marks as evidence that they have punished themselves, and when they are faded, it may seem that they need to do it again. Another reason could be that you saw your scars as a sign of strength (from fighting and surviving). Others see their scars as a(nother) reason to hate themselves, or to push people away. Whatever your reason is, I just want to say congratulations for a year of no cutting! I know that takes amazing strength so please don't think that just because your scars have faded, you haven't won that battle. You did it and you should be so proud of yourself! If it would make you feel better you could try drawing on marks with red pen/makeup, or making art on your skin that you used to cut. Stay amazing! :)
Often, when we self-harm, it can take up a large period of our lives where we convince ourselves that it is helping us and making our problems 'go away', This period of time in our lives are where our self-harm scars can define us most. Without them it is like all those memories and moments that you got yourself through have been shattered. They are like battle wounds which convince us of how strong we were to make it without completely destroying ourselves.
First of all, I'm proud of you, over a year is an amazing achievement! About your question - scars mean different things to different people who self-harmed, some may not like them, some may like them, some may miss them. Knowing the reason why can be a bit complex and unique to you, but probably is because: they mean something. The scars mean something to you, and that's okay! They can be a way to know "yes, how I felt was real/that experience was real", or a way to say "I survived". These are two examples of what scars can mean to the person, but you may have your own specific reason about what they mean to you :)
When we engage in a behaviour for a long period of time sometimes the result of that behaviour (such as cuts or scars) become apart of who we are. After cutting and seeing those scars everyday they become apart of you so its understandable to feel a sense of loss when they are no longer there
Scars are a visible sign of the strength that you have, when they fade they are not necessarily going away, they are just beneath your surface, like your heart, your soul. They are still there with the strength inside of you.
This is a sensitive topic to talk about to many, yet your scars are like battle scars, seeing them there reminds you of all you have been through, the pain, everything you have suffered, it is a reminder of what you have survived. Once they fade, you feel as if your imperfections are now gone when really you feel as if they are not, so you will want that constant reminder of how broken you are, when really it just shows how strong you have been to cope through this. Cutting is not the answer to everything, it may relieve pain, but it will not long term only damaging you skin. If you ever need help don’t be afraid to read out, no matter what you are important 🙂
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Related Questions: Why do I miss my scars? It's been over a year since I last cut myself and my scars have faded but now I miss them.