Why do people stare at my scars yet don't ask how I got them?
Last Updated: 08/12/2019 at 10:06pm
Theresa Gulliver, Master Therapeutic Counsellor
Problems cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created them. We must try something different. Gently, we turn your challenges into opportunities for healing.
Top Rated Answers
It is very possible they know how you got them. They may have a child, or sibling, or even themselves that have the scars. If they do not have them or know anyone that has them, then they may be ignorant of cutting and the hows and whys related to same. There is also the consideration that they feel it's none of their business. The one thing I have learned over the years is in most cases people do care but they simply don't know how to engage someone, especially one that looks like they don't want to discuss it when, deep down, maybe they do.
Maybe because they worry. I used to think people thought I was crazy until one day someone asked me what was going on and gave me all the support I needed.
They are just barely polite enough, not to ask you about them. I find it rude when people stare.
People are probably nervous to say anything about your scars because they wouldn't want to upset you. Many people are able to identify self-harm scars from past experience and know how painful a subject it can be to broach. If it bothers you that they stare but don't say anything, you can ask if they want to know what they are from.
They might feel uncomfortable asking about it, and feel that perhaps staring might be less obvious--and they don't have to get involved with the problem.
As humans we are naturally intrigued but at the same time we've learnt to be considerate to other people's feelings and don't want to come across as intrusive. To help overcome this barrier (and of course if you feel comfortable enough to) why no try addressing your scars when you see people looking at them.
I think they're afraid because some think that they shouldn't meddle. Like, it might be eventually a burden to them when you finally open up.
People stare them for various reasons, but they never ask, because it is none of their business how you acquired those scars. It is your business and no one else's.
I believe we are verry curious human being Yet very cautious not too offend or behave in a certain manner that we forget that curiosity is just natural and in society we are meant to believe and behave in ways that are implemented based on others thinking and also we are taught that if you're not going to say something nice just don't say anything at all.There's so many things that come into play when it comes to other people's behaviour towards society or fellow friendship or relationships even relationships with themselves. I believe that some people are not taught that it is ok to be curious and it is ok to ask and it's actually better to ask to get to know others and learn to build caring relationships with others as a puzzle.
I think people may be shocked when they see scars. They probably don't say anything because they don't know how to address it.
Because instead of feeling for you, or wanting to know, they're afraid. They don't want to hurt or offend you, but they want to know more.
I think many people have an idea of what they are from, and think it would be inappropiate or embarassing to ask.
People think that scars are bad. That scars are the result of an injury (which is a negative thing in most people's minds) or that you cut. They might think that asking is an invasion of privacy. If it really bothers you, call them out on it. It'll give them a reality check real quick.
They may be concerned about how and why they got there. (Remember only safe and healthy activities should be performed during hard times, e.g listening to music frequently.)
A lot of times people don't know what to say. You might be comfortable talking about your scars and showing them, but not everyone is comfortable talking to you about them. Just like there might be someone who shows them because it's too inconvenient to hide them, but they don't want anyone to ask them about them. It's also kind of being respectful. A lot of people are worried bringing it up could make it worse for you. As well, there is a huge stigma against self-harm, so it's hard to talk about it in any way.
Because they don't know what to say, I have 8 surgery scars and maybe four personal injury scars when people do ask me about them I actually find it more offensive than staring. Looking at a person is better than seeing through them, do you really want them to know you in such a personal way?
People like making their own assumptions. They would rather create a story about our scars on their highly imaginative mind than asking us the reasons for it.
Some people are afraid to ask you how you got your scars, in case they may seem rude or they are scared what your answer may be. This does not mean that these people are mean or do not care: often people are just scared to ask things like that, as they can be very personal to you.
Mental illness has sort of a societal stigma that makes people uncomfortable to ask or talk about it
They probably know it's a personal thing which has inflicted pain so it might be a little uncomfortable for you to resurface something from the past which has inflicted pain if that makes sense. If you saw scars on someone else would you ask? Try to see their perspectives. Even if you would ask, know that not everyone has a lot of confidence to throw a question out which will force someone to re-live a moment in their lives which wasn't pleasant as they were obviously in pain whether it was an accident or intentional to the person. so yeah hope that helps
There could be a lot of reasons for why nobody asks how you got your scars and its not because they don't care. One reason why they wouldn't ask is that they are afraid of the answer and would rather live not knowing. People may not ask because they think the conversation will be awkward for both of you or that you don't want them to ask. Another reason for someone not asking is that they don't know how you'll react to them bringing something up that could just hurt you more. There could be a rare occasion where someone just doesn't care but usually, people are just afraid.
Some people are unsure and/or don’t understand. It’s natural for a person to see something they don’t quite understand and stare. Some people will also be kind enough to not ask questions to not invade your space or make you self conscious or be rude. Always try to remember if someone is staring yet not saying anything they are probably trying to work out in their heads what is going on, or some could even have scars themselves. It’s a completely natural thing for a person to do and although it may be uncomfortable try not to let it bother you.
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