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Why does my girlfriend cut herself?

301 Answers
Last Updated: 10/09/2019 at 2:27am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Zeina Ghoul, LLPC

Pre-Licensed Professional

I help guide clients to create positive change in a non-judgmental and supportive atmosphere.

Top Rated Answers
creativesupport0321
May 20th, 2016 1:52pm
There can be many reasons. Sometimes you just can't understand it. Sometimes you just need to be there for her and love her to the best of your ability.
dmarkowicz
May 21st, 2016 12:49pm
Because she doesn't appreciate herself, you need to make her feel special and she will get no more interest in cutting herself.
Anonymous
May 22nd, 2016 2:59pm
People cut them self for a different number of reasons. One reason could be a release of feelings. It could be the only way she can release them.
enigmaticBraveheart19
May 22nd, 2016 7:52pm
to feel something - to have control over something - to help keep her pain down some do it for attention as well depending.. not saying she is, but it is a possibility
Anonymous
May 25th, 2016 12:48am
Maybe she's going through some difficult things. Why don't you ask her and give her the support she needs? She will appreciate it.
helpfulunicat
May 25th, 2016 4:21pm
Because she is in pain; she could be trying to distract herself with the physical pain or she could simply be trying to feel something. She may feel like this is the only way to cope; all you can do is be there for her
KristenHR
May 26th, 2016 9:24am
Without asking your girlfriend personally, there could be a variety of reasons for cutting. Some reasons people self-injure is because they either don't want to feel an emotion, or because they want to feel something instead of being numb. Having emotions and feelings so strong that won't seem to stop, for some reason, cutting creates a temporary relief. Some people cut to punish themselves because they feel they have done something wrong, or because they were told they were bad/wrong (a lot of times repeatedly hearing those messages). In my early 20's a cut a lot to cope. I was ashamed of what I had been through and the more I cut, the more often I needed to cut. Personally, it was a cross between not feeling emotional pain and punishing myself for something I'd been through but believed it was my fault. There is some research on cutting, that after a few cutting episodes, it can create a chemistry change in the brain, where it becomes like an addiction to cutting, so it's pretty difficult to stop it without exerting effort if she's been cutting for a while. The difficult part is the more we cut ourselves, the harder it is to cope in general with things. If she isn't in counseling already, you might encourage her to find help through a counselor, her family doctor, or if still in school or college through the counseling office.
GreenGalaxy21
May 27th, 2016 7:45am
People hurt themselves for many reasons. The process of cutting can be quite addictive, so it could be an addiction instead of something bothering her. But let's not assume she's fine. Ask her, get her help, be her friend as well as her lover :)
Probius
May 27th, 2016 2:36pm
Your girlfriend is doing the best she can to cope with very strong emotions, and this is the way she has come up with. I know that this can be very difficult to get your mind around, but try your best not to judge her. She really needs you right now.
KaleAKindGuy
May 28th, 2016 6:08pm
She may be going through a hard time. It is possible that she is depressed, sad, lonely etc. I would try talking to her.
Xomisslynn
May 29th, 2016 1:48am
She may be going through difficult times right now and needs all the support she can get. It's a way to cope with the things she's going through.
AlaskaYoung11
May 29th, 2016 12:01pm
She's probably facing hard issues with her family or having something burried deep inside her or you do something that hurts her
bigDreamer94
June 2nd, 2016 5:22am
As someone who once self harm, it is not your fault. It maybe something they feel it is their only way to control or get out of their situation...
MKLlama673
June 2nd, 2016 9:55am
There can be many reasons for people to cut themselves, i recommend telling her to seek therapy, if you are in school, most schools have one
GoLobster
June 2nd, 2016 10:52am
She possibly may be going through a tough time, If this is to be so - try helping her out or take/suggest a therapist or 7Cups listener to help her
KellySch
June 3rd, 2016 3:54pm
It could be a way to distract herself from the other pain that she has like emotional pain. But it could be a way to see that she still is alive. When she has mental pain, the cutting takes that away. She starts to focus on the pain from the cutting. But after a while she will do it because it feels safe. It is almost a home. Cutting is a way to escape from the world, to make the pain go away. But it can be addicting, like you have to do it to make you feel okay. But there are so many reasons that someone hurts themselves. And if she tells you that she did it, don't be mad. Tell her that you understand, but don't approve. Tell her that you won't go away, but that is a fear that she has. Tell her that you will stay with her. But don't forget to tell her that she needs to get help, not right away, but some day. Be there for her, she will need you.
ohdarlinggg
June 4th, 2016 2:34am
You'd need to ask her about it honestly.A lot of people turn to the wrong habits to fix things in their lives, or to make the pain fade. It's a terrible thing to do, and it doesn't help in the long run, but in the moment, it may feel like it's helping. Try to be there for her, but don't let yourself get dragged down in the process. You may not feel like you're doing enough to help, but you can't imagine how much it helps to have someone be there for you and love you when you're hurting like that.
Anonymous
June 4th, 2016 8:42pm
The best thing to do is to talk to your girlfriend, and support her wherever you can and let her know you're there for her.
UniqueLife
June 8th, 2016 7:12am
That, we can't possibly answer for sure. Self-harming could be due to countless various reasons, even ones that doesn't make sense to others. The only way to know is either to ask her. Don't jump to conclusions even though you've caught glimpse or hints of possible causes. Ask,
Anonymous
June 8th, 2016 9:02am
Sometimes people hurt themselves for often very strange reasons. Every person who hurts themselves has their own reason. It's never the same, but there are some commonly known reasons. People can hurt themselves to see their own blood, or to get the image, the pain (often to 'fill emptiness'), ... If you're really concerned, talk to her. :)
EmpatheticEmma
June 8th, 2016 11:19pm
People can self harm for so many different reasons.. Maybe she's going through a tough time or it's something a bit deeper than that.. For whatever reason it may be you should think about talking to her about it. Letting her know that you care & that you're willing to be there for her in any way she needs you will most likely really make her feel better. I really hope things get better for her, my heart goes out to her :)
elliejade
June 11th, 2016 5:36am
There are many reasons why people self harm; and there is no way that I can tell why exactly she does it. You may need to have a chat gently to her about why she does it as there are plenty of reasons for it.
Belbelbel
June 11th, 2016 2:03pm
Self harm is a coping mechanism and unfortunately many young people do this, just like your girlfriend. Often there's more than one reason but it's often to relieve tension, punish oneself, feel more grounded, or legitimize feelings by "matching them" on the outside. I hope she gets better.
wonderousPanda60
June 11th, 2016 5:18pm
There are many reasons why a person decides to self harm. Try and think of all the possible reasons why this is happening: has she gone through loss? Has she been effected by an experience of any type? However don't jump to conclusions, instead try asking her.
Anonymous
June 12th, 2016 12:01am
Sometimes people see it as a control or a release. It is a kind of pain they can control and a release of emotions.
BlackcatDM3
June 12th, 2016 4:41am
There are a number of things, she could get anger or sadness relief out it, she could be doing to make scars, she could be doing it to get a "twisted" version of entertainment.
RelaxingSoul
June 12th, 2016 6:22am
Because she probably feels that's some sort of relief to what she is struggling right now and feels some relief by doing it so.
hufflepuffle
June 12th, 2016 8:17am
People self harm for many different reasons. Your girlfriend, like other people who tend to engage in self-harm, does it for a reason very personal to herself. It can be that she feels that she deserves pain, because she feels that she can control this pain, because she wants to feel something, or a plethora of other reasons. There is no one real reason, people are very unique and individual.
Anonymous
June 12th, 2016 2:37pm
Your girlfriend could possibly self harm because of depression, or looking for a way to escape or feel in control. It is best to get medical or therapy help in these kinds of situations.
EmilyAnnMarie
June 15th, 2016 5:08am
Some people enjoy cutting themselves because the blood reminds them that they ARE alive, it's their way of coping