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Why does my girlfriend cut herself?

301 Answers
Last Updated: 10/09/2019 at 2:27am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Zeina Ghoul, LLPC

Pre-Licensed Professional

I help guide clients to create positive change in a non-judgmental and supportive atmosphere.

Top Rated Answers
DylanNz
September 10th, 2016 4:05pm
She may be feeling upset about something. Ask her and support her anyway you can. Be calm and collected when talking about sensitive topics such as these. Make her feel safe.
TheTripleS719
September 17th, 2016 9:36pm
She's fighting a battle inside of herself, one that nobody else can see. She might not even be aware of it. Cutting is an addiction, just like any other drug. She needs your support right now, if it's ever going to stop.
JazzRGold
September 18th, 2016 10:13am
People can self harm for various reasons. Often people self harm to feel a release. Pain is a feeling, so it can be used to distract from other feelings that they wish to avoid.
lacedaniellehelp17
September 23rd, 2016 12:30am
She is having issues within herself. Maybe depression or etc. you need to talk to her because cutting is a difficult habit. She's not happy and she needs medical attention.
Anonymous
October 1st, 2016 1:26am
Usually people cut themselves to feel better and for relief. The pain releases chemicals in the brain that make her feel happy, but then later she will probably feel guilty for cutting.
Anonymous
October 2nd, 2016 8:45pm
Very low self esteem, distraction from emotional pain, easier to focus on physical pain than emotional pain.
MachineGKyla
October 5th, 2016 4:40pm
Good question. There are a lot of different answers for that. She doesn't think she's worth it, she feels alone, she thinks she deserves it. We can't really know because she's the expert on herself
onedirection1213
October 6th, 2016 5:20pm
because maybe shes going through alot and cutting makes her feel better from what shes going to.
coffeekitten14
October 7th, 2016 12:32pm
Cutting is a way to cope. Talk to her. Ask her what's going on, but if she doesn't want to talk about it, leave her be. Try and be supportive and tell her that she's worth it. Don't get mad at her or tell her that she has to stop, because that will only make her feel worse. She might be cutting because she feels like she can't do anything right, family stress, or maybe she's just cutting for attention. Either way, try and be supportive and kind all the time.
Anonymous
October 14th, 2016 11:09pm
Non-suicidal self injury is a coping mechanism. Your girlfriend may be experiencing depression or may even be trying to cope with something stressful.
Anonymous
October 19th, 2016 9:49am
I am a person that at one point was known to cut. That is all it ever was and I was always on watch because of it. I always felt alone, no one could here more, and sometimes that they didn't want to here me. I felt like I was worthless, when in reality I really wasn't. I believed I was unable to do anything right, especially when I really did screw up. I just felt like life wasn't really worth what people always said it was because I felt so much pain in my heart that it was useless to do anything else. For some reason cutting myself released all of that anger in myself the pain, the loneliness. I ended up getting help and I found a support group that was there for me. It was my family. The people I live with everyday and I always believe never understood me or what I was going through. They understood the entire time I was struggling, but they also knew I needed to see that so they never pushed. Only got me the help when I needed it the most.
Selfhelp03
October 19th, 2016 10:57am
Maybe is because she is depressed. She needs company and she is passing through something that is making her doing this.
brndtt
October 26th, 2016 2:40pm
Maybe because your girlfriend feels something inside her and she's afraid to tell anyone about her feelings that's why.
PsychiatristPatty
October 27th, 2016 6:19am
Sometimes there seems to be no answer to why one may self-harm. Many say that it is for attention, which sometimes it may be, but that is normally not the case. Many who cut cut due to depression, or to feel pain, or feel anything, to see themselves hurt and feel punished, to see themselves bleed. There are many reasons, physical and mental behind why a person may do it. The thing is that there is no right or wrong answer to why one may do it. Even needing attention is a valid reason. Self harm is not a good way to go, but remember that it is better than other things that one may want to or could do. Just try to be there for her and listen to her. Therapy can always help. Also, there are many ways to help distract one from self harming, if even for only a little while. Try looking up sways online, and reasons for self harm online as well. I wish you both the best and hope that her road to recovery is fast.
Mayathyst44
November 3rd, 2016 2:44pm
It's a way for her to cope, some people use drink etc but for her it's a way of releasing her hurt or upset. Try to let her know your always there for her.
blissfulHug33
November 3rd, 2016 5:07pm
Well it's not something that has a definite answer. Don't ask her why she cuts, cause there really is no answer for it. It's like trying to explain colour to a blind person. You should try to make sure that she stops doing that. And you can do this by showing her Unconditional love and support.
Butterfly121
November 3rd, 2016 6:42pm
Self harm and cutting can be signs of deep emotions and difficult mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Often people who experience these mental health problems use self harm as a way to feel something or to feel in control of what they feel is a hopeless situation. If you suspect or know that someone you care for is struggling with these issues please refer them to a therapist or chatline so that they can get the help that they need.
earthch1ld
November 10th, 2016 11:17am
That is something that you have to ask her yourself. Each person has their own reasons. Be supportive and caring, and she will feel a lot more comfortable talking to you about it.
PupperDoggo
November 10th, 2016 4:46pm
Unfortunately there are many people who feel the need to cut themselves. They may wish to punish themselves or to simply "feel" something because they are so emotionally numbed. There are also those that feel relief from cutting when they are emotionally overwhelmed. Cutting is a coping mechanism, however it is not a healthy one. If you know someone that cuts I would invite you to encourage them to see a mental health professional. Regardless of what you do, at the very least, offer support to that person and let them know that you care for them. Let them know that they can cope in other ways than cutting.
GentleShadows
November 17th, 2016 3:36pm
There are a variety of reasons why anyone cuts themselves, from wanting to feel pain for some reason, or wanting to punish themselves for s wrongdoing, and other things. If you're concerned, which you likely should be if you care for her, talk to her about it. If she doesn't want to discuss it, it may be a case of it being something hard for her to discuss. Be patient and give her time to figure out her feelings, and in the meantime, discuss alternatives to cutting. Some could include drawing on yourself with a pen, or eating something with a strong taste, or squeezing an ice cube.
KennethZ
November 18th, 2016 11:46pm
There could be any number of reasons that someone inflicts self harm. A lot of times it's a product of feeling like they don't control anything in their lives, and so the act of self mutilation is an expression of control. Our bodies actually have a physiological response to pain as well, so perhaps that could be another possible answer?
RaCat
November 26th, 2016 4:38pm
It's the question many people is asking to themselves. The truth is that only she can answer you this question - people are cutting because many things. Maybe she has something bad happening in her life, maybe she is experiencing emotional or physical abuse, maybe she is depressed, maybe she hates herself and her life or maybe it's something completely different;. What I know for sure - it's not your fault that she cuts. Dates are usually taking cutting very personal and thinks that they have done something wrong but actually I think you are one of the best things that ever happened to her. You came here and you was looking for the answer - only caring person would do that
Anonymous
December 2nd, 2016 7:02am
Sometimes, people hurt themselves because they feel they have no one to talk to. Try to talk to her about how she feels, but not making her feel like she did something wrong. She might not be happy with how things are going in life. Listen to her and try to understand.
Anonymous
December 2nd, 2016 4:07pm
This is actually a wonderful question for you to ask her in a loving, nonjudgmental way. She may not be able to provide you with a definitive answer because she may not fully understand it herself. That being said, the value of sharing an intimate discussion concerning her feelings will serve to establish a positive experience. In the interim, you may read information about self harm. I would caution you against making assumptions as to the underlying issues. Like most things, the reasons can be far more complex than they appear on the surface. So give her a compassionate, honest moment without time constraints to begin a dialogue
Anonymous
December 9th, 2016 1:02am
There could be any number of reasons, from depression to stress. The best thing to do is to support her through this. Do not confront her, and, like you are doing now, educate yourself on self harm and depression, so not to give her a negative idea.
gracefulHoney98
December 9th, 2016 2:17am
She could be sad, she could even be trying to reach out for help. Sometimes people will hurt themselves in visible ways in order to make more visible what is going on inside their head.
bouncyStrawberry86
December 21st, 2016 1:35pm
Self harm in general is a coping skill, although not a healthy coping skill. Sometimes when we overwhelmed with our emotions or placed in situations that cause stress we lean on something to cope. Cutting is a way to release internal pain and emotion but it is not healthy. It can be managed and to the point where the individual can move onto using healthy coping skills like painting or going for a run to express what they originally wanted to express with cutting but in a healthier way.
PrincessDove13
December 22nd, 2016 7:19am
The only person who can truly answer this is your girlfriend, but there are many reasons she might be cutting. She could feel stressed or anxious, maybe even depressed. Try to talk to her about it in a kind and caring manor. Please respect her reasoning and know that she might not feel comfortable to open up all at once.
CorazonOsuno
December 30th, 2016 1:28am
Your girlfriend is probably going through a very dark time in her life. She may feel a sense of emptiness. She may only feel when she is cutting herself. She may be dissociating from the world around her, or suffering from depression. That is only for her and for a therapist working with her to determine. There are many reasons for people to self harm, ranging from grief to lack of self esteem to family issues to depression. What you cannot do is diagnose this issue. What you can do is keep loving her, keep being an open ear. Perhaps she has some insight herself on why she is cutting, and may open up to you when the time is right. I really cannot confidently or ethically answer this question for you in any other way.
NameIsTaken
February 5th, 2017 11:53am
Self-harm is a complex issue, on the general term it's because of a "need" that gets satisfied only through that. It's not too different from an addiction, so start looking into reasons that make her want to despise herself or that harm her even more than cutting, it's usually one of these two.