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Why does my girlfriend cut herself?

301 Answers
Last Updated: 10/09/2019 at 2:27am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Zeina Ghoul, LLPC

Pre-Licensed Professional

I help guide clients to create positive change in a non-judgmental and supportive atmosphere.

Top Rated Answers
July 4th, 2017 11:51pm
You can't know for sure what's going on in on other persons head, you can never know another persons story from beginning to end, you can not see things the same way another person perdices it, so there is not a solid answer to this question, only your girlfriend knows the answer.
July 9th, 2017 1:36pm
It can be for many reasons, sit her down and talk to her, you are really worried about her and she does need help. You just need some understanding about it but it probably wont be your fault
July 19th, 2017 4:08pm
This question should be answered by her best, but you should know her enough to understand why and encourage her to seek help. Cutting is having the control of the one thing that you can control, your body. I should know, I once was self-abuser. I had no control of what others did to me so it made sense to a broken mind. Loving encourage her to seek help.
August 10th, 2017 3:02am
A possibility of a personal complex or she might be unhappy with an unchangeable situation.It may be that she is trying to draw attention out of loneliness as well.
August 16th, 2017 9:05am
Self harm is different for every individual and your girlfriend's experiences with it may be different from my experiences. But for me, it used to help calm me down before I went to bed and it would get rid of my headaches. It became addictive and I would suffer more not doing it than I would if I did do it. I found a comfort in being able to control that aspect of my life, or so I thought. Truthfully, self harmers, if anything, lack a lot of self control. It made me feel better and I felt like each cut calmed me even more, and each time something upsetting me, left my body for a short while.
August 19th, 2017 5:02pm
There are many reasons why someone may cut themselves. Sometimes it is because they feel numb and want to feel the pain. Sometimes they may feel that they deserve to be punished for some reasons. Sometimes it is a way of expressing an emotion like anger or frustration. It is hard to tell without asking the person themselves what feelings they are experiencing that lead to self harm.
August 20th, 2017 12:52am
she may have suffered from something traumatic. no one knows why except her. some people cut because it makes them feel like they have control of the pain that they feel inside.
August 24th, 2017 7:06am
It can be an emotional relief for people. They either focus on the pain, the blood, or even both. It can even serve as a reminder that they're still alive and not just a fading soul.
August 27th, 2017 4:37pm
Maybe she feels a dark void in her heart, a lot of people go through problems that are left unspoken, and it's hard to express what you feel to someone who hasn't been through it, it could feel like talking to a brick wall. So sadly she takes the anger, hurt, blame all these feelings combined and hurts herself. A form of escapism. Escaping her mind, her demons & her problems. It's sad. But there are many reasons for cutting yourself. Sometimes there is no reason. Sometimes we just do it because our minds are enslaved by thoughts of being unworthy of love?
August 30th, 2017 3:25pm
She is probably feeling pretty bad. When feelings get overwhelming some people cut themselves. For some it "releases" some kind of tension or built up jumble of feelings. That gives a momentary feeling of relief. For others they might be doing it because they feel like they don't deserve anything better and therefore hurt themselves because they don't really love themselves. They might struggle with a lot of self hate. I think for most it is a coping mechanism.
September 2nd, 2017 9:00pm
There are a lot of reasons people self harm. It is different to each person and even a different reason each time they do it. Discussion is the best way to find out but you have to know your partner is ready to talk about it or your good intentions could come across wrong.
September 6th, 2017 3:44pm
Sometimes people self-harm as a coping mechanism when a crisis or something emotionally traumatic happens in their life. Usually, it is a pattern because endorphins are released when she feels the physical pain, and it helps, temporarily, relieve her emotional pain.
September 24th, 2017 1:29am
The reasons for self-harming are always different. Medically speaking the brain deals with pain in order of importance. It deals with the most severe pain and tends to ignore the rest. That´s why psychological pain can be avoided when physical pain is caused. Most people who cut themselves don´t know how to handle pain better. It may have nothing to do with you but in any case you donpt have to feel guilty about it. The best way to know how he feels is to ask her. This may help her to know you care and try to understand her.
October 14th, 2017 1:30pm
She might be going through a tough time. A lot of people turn to self harming as a way to deal with stuff in their life (which isn't a good thing). From my own experience and some friends' experience, I can tell you that self harming feels like your internal problems (depression, anxiety, somebody may have passed, bad relationships etc.) are being expressed in a way. It feels like they somehow gain importance and become valid since we spend a lot of time penting up emotions and trying to put on a happy face for other people. Since your problems are qute internal we try to make them visible in some way, thus through self harm. But it isn't to attract attention, in fact many of us put in a lot of effort to hide it!!! Though I might want to say that this is just from my experience and a couple of my friends'. We do not represent everyone that self harms. The pain originating from harming myself made me feel better in a way that it stirred my negative thoughts from focus. It was a good distraction. A lot of people also say that they felt a lot stronger and more confident after they harmed themselves, including me. Self harm is not a dismissive thing. It is really addictive even from cutting yourself once. Even if those are small cuts or burns on your skin, it can grow to very large scales. So, it is NOT A THING TO IGNORE. I wish the best for your girlfriend :)
October 16th, 2017 6:18pm
Self harm is a coping mechanism for negative feelings, albeit a very bad coping mechanism. People self harm for many reasons, these can range from feeling a sense of release from doing it, replacing mental pain with physical, a way to ground oneself when panicked or because a person feels they deserve to be hurt.
October 27th, 2017 1:57am
People self harm for many reasons, but one of the most important things to keep in mind when somebody that you love is self harming is that it is NOT your fault if somebody else makes that decision. The best way to find out why she's doing this would probably be to delicately ask her. Don't force her to say anything she's uncomfortable with, but maybe offering a listening ear could be helpful to you both. :)
November 5th, 2017 11:44am
That can be a very open question, it is that she is suffering from something where pain can either remind herself she is alive, or she think she deserves it, or she may even feel insecure about herself. Thats a question you canneed to ask her to get specific.
November 10th, 2017 5:30pm
Because she is trying to distract herself from the problems she is facing inside. She doesn't want to experience the pain she is feeling inside so she distracts herself with other physical pain.
November 15th, 2017 6:33am
She may be feeling emotions and unable to deal with those emotions in an appropriate manner. Hurting herself might be her way of punishing herself
November 25th, 2017 11:25am
There are many reasons for self harm. Insecurity and self doubt, anxiety or depression. People often have trouble understanding and dealing with their own emotions and this can lead to taking it out on themselves rather than the people close to them. It can be scary watching someone you love struggle with their mental health and hurt themselves. The best you can do in the situation is to give absolute reassurance that they are a valuable, important person and encourage them to seek help so they can manage their emotions better and learn to let go in other, more positive ways.
November 29th, 2017 12:20am
Sometimes we can get addicted to hurting ourselves. We see self-harm as an escape from emotional pain, and it can make us feel better.
November 29th, 2017 7:02am
Cutting is something that people start when they feel isolated, or scared, or like it's the best option. It is very hard to break that habit, but having loving, caring people surrounding you can make all the difference. Stick by her, and let her know that you're there for her no matter what
November 29th, 2017 10:44am
There can be a multitude of reasons as to why someone might want to hurt themselves. It is always best to let her know that you are there for her and that she should get help so she doesn't have to cause herself pain anymore.
December 2nd, 2017 3:56am
Your girlfriend is probably depressed but not necessarily. The best thing you can do is to confront her about it. Ask her what's wrong and try to help her with whatever she needs. She is the only person that truly knows why she cuts so you should ask her.
December 6th, 2017 10:57am
Cutting can often be an emotional response to feeling overwhelmed by either feelings or numbness. Cutting is in either of these circumstances a coping mechanism to release said emotions, or to just "feel"
December 7th, 2017 12:06pm
No one but she can tell you the exact reason but we can know this much:- she’s going through a tough time. People often cut to relieve frustration and agony. Be there for her!
December 7th, 2017 7:38pm
Unfortunately, many people turn to self-harm when they're under great distress. Although it's an unhealthy coping mechanism, they find relief within it. If you wish to speak to her regarding it, it's important to remain calm and to not shame her about it. Talking openly, and offering her alternatives to self-harm can definitely be helpful; such as the Butterfly Project, listening to calming music, using ice, etc. Best of luck!
December 11th, 2017 4:17am
I have experienced cutting myself, each person has their own reasons of doing it. She must have at one point felt the need to start and possibly doesn't have to control to stop. Knowing someone is there for her might allow her to come to the realization that that is not a solution. Maybe ask her and talk about it?
December 13th, 2017 1:54am
She was probably holding the blade of the knife incorrectly. People are all unique, and some of them have different ways of holding utensils. It is important that we show love, care and concern, supporting each other as we learn the ropes to be culinary masters.
December 14th, 2017 11:53pm
She may be going through some emotional situations that she doesn't know how to express into words. As damaging as it is to see her in such a state, remember not to push. If you push for information too much or push her to stop, it may lead to something worse. Be patient, let her talk an listen deeply, maybe consult parents (if you believe if she is in even more danger), and let her figure herself out. She will come to you with it all eventually.