Should I bother doing things for anyone anymore because they never do anything for me in return?
Last Updated: 02/01/2022 at 11:23pm
Jennifer Geib, LCSWR
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
1:1 chats (up to 5 days/week). - My therapy is non-judgmental and focuses on emotions and motivation to accomplish your goals or overcome your struggles.
Top Rated Answers
Giving is not about receiving, but take a look at your relationships and see if any of them are mainly one-sided. Be honest with yourself. Not everyone is capable of giving as much in every stage of their life, and remember that everyone gives back differently. Don't let yourself be blind to these ways, but also don't allow yourself to be someone's doormat. Your kindness is YOURS, don't let anyone take that from you. Give because you're a giver.
It depends on your expectations. The highest form of giving is to expect nothing in return: this is achieved through practice and it does wonders in the long run. The most important thing of giving without expectations is that you free yourself from the mechanism that makes your ego suffer in case it's a one-way gift. Gifts can be material or emotional, they can be represented by a feeling shared or a service done. This doesn't mean you should turn into a doormat! Set healthy boundaries when it comes to give&take, be assertive when establishing your emotional rules and enjoy the endless ripple of giving—even when you don't see and immediate response.
There are a few ways to look at it. For one, you could say that every good thing you do for another person is one more good action that has taken place in the world. Slowly, and piece-by-piece, you're helping the world become a better place. Alternatively, you could take some time to imagine what it's like for the other person. Maybe they aren't in a position from which they can do good things right now. Maybe you could help that? However, it's important to remember that you can only do so much good in the world. Would your time be better spent elsewhere? Think of it as a business transaction. How much return will the world get for your investment?
Being a generous person is a great attribute and says a lot about your character. But I totally understand the feeling of being unappreciated. I remember feeling this way when I would give to others and they would not reciprocate, and while I used to feel upset I realized that other people’s actions are not a reflection of me. There are people out there who will appreciate what you do for them. Also, it’s okay to set boundaries when people try to take advantage of you or don’t appreciate you. You are worthy regardless of whether or not they reciprocate.
What's necessary must be done. But giving away too much can be toxic. Self should always be a priority. It could be they are not well and not in the position to do things for me. In that case it is okay. I should set up boundaries for my self, and not let others ruin it. I don't have to available 24×7 for everyone if they're failing to do so considering they're in a position to help me. Few favors once in awhile is totally okay. Giving away too much gives the impression that I'm too available and then people may misuse my kindness.
I can understand the feeling that people are not appreciative of the things you are doing for them, if they do not do something in return in equal measure it can feel like they have no gratitude. However, ask yourself why you are doing those things for people in the first place; is it to be kind, or is it to receive something in return? Usually we do things out of kindness and because we want to do them for others, you sound like a kind person, and although people should probably show their thanks to you, remember that you are doing things because you want to, not for something in return.
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