Why do I get so irritated at my mom when she tells me do things? It's like anytime she instructs me to do anything it bothers me and I feel like she just wants to nag at me.
Last Updated: 11/16/2020 at 5:16pm
April Zamzow, CSW, MA, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
There are many times in our lives when we could use an ear to listen and help us through the things that we are struggling with. I can do that.
Top Rated Answers
Personally I feel like this can boil down to a lack of and understanding of communication and communication styles. Some people are really direct. Some are more vague. Some come off as aggressive. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between "telling" "ordering" or "asking", especially because we all process and express words and emotions differently. What about asking your mom to take you for an ice cream and you guys go to the park, sitting down with your mom and asking her if she's ok, if work is ok and if something is bothering her? Then you could tell her some things that may be going on with you. Basically by doing that you would be creating a bridge and can see that you are really not too far apart because you both have stress. You could maybe express to her that when she speaks a certain way it makes you feel like you are being talked AT instead of her talking TO you. Work together to come up with a solution where her needs are met and your needs are met. For my youngest daughter and I, what worked is a dry erase board with the things we needed to get done and who would be doing what....because our communication styles are SO different. I also had a timer. It became a game of sorts. We would set a goal and the timer for what we both thought was a reasonable time to get a specific task done. If we finished our task within that amount of time, we rewarded ourselves with a quick fishing trip or a slushie or getting pizza. We were then working together more easily and it was a lot less stress and we found that by being able to see what needed to be done and what we had accomplished, we also had more FREE TIME to do fun things. I included her in making the list too and that made her feel important - because she was and still is. Good luck! You got this!
Being told what to do can be frustrating, especially when you do not agree with the other person, and you may feel they are trying to control you. But often times parents are well-meaning when trying to get their children to do something. Your mother may simply be trying her best as a parent to guide you toward what she believes to be an optimal way of behaving. In any case, it is important you let her know how you feel so she can give you the space and autonomy you need. Trying to understand each other's feelings and intentions can help strengthen your relationship and clear up any potential misunderstandings.
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