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How can I deal with being blamed for things that aren't my fault?

76 Answers
Last Updated: 07/12/2020 at 2:38am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lara Gregorio, LCSW

Therapist

I believe that depression can feel all-consuming. I have a real passion for helping my clients to reclaim their voices and lives from depressive thoughts.

Top Rated Answers
KayHelps
December 6th, 2018 10:40am
* Realize that instead of dealing with the pain, the other person tries to move it onto you so he/she can feel better. * Realize that words are just that: words. It is your own responsibility how you deal with them, you always have the choice. Break out of behaviour patterns to increase your options. * Ask the other person to reflect on his/her own actions. Ask naive questions and make them subtly realize it may be their own fault. Bad things happen, too. Why create more negative energy out of that? Don't fight the NOW. * Just acknowledge the fact that it may even be your fault. Realize that everyone makes mistakes and that we also grow from them. Try saying "yes, you are right, I made a mistake" and see what happens
katherine081902
July 28th, 2019 6:48am
I can relate to that question as the oldest of four children, my parents blame a lot of things on me that I have no part in. Sometimes people don't see the truth so we have to suck it up and just take in the criticism but if we do our best to be our best selves and give them no reason to blame those things on us, they will soon see that those actions were not our fault. It also might help to ask them to explain why they are blaming you. If they have a reason, there must be a way to disprove it if it really isn't you. If their reasoning is illogical, then just give them time and show them through your actions that you are a better person than they are making of you. :)
magicalUnicorns76
August 10th, 2019 6:49pm
Try to find out why people blame you, then give reasons why this is not true and why it is not your fault. Also turn it around and ask them how they would feel in your shoes. Explain how you feel and ways to avoid this. Such as having good evidence before making assumptions and blaming you. If things do not change you maybe have to work on not internalising it and grounding yourself and self care. Sometimes you have to pick your battles otherwise you will be losing energy over the small stuff and lose sight of other things
Introspective91
September 5th, 2019 5:07pm
Feeling blamed and attacked is no fun, especially for people who internalize things. The key is to have a very small number of people who you can be very open and honest with and they will do the same for you. 'Fact check' the situation with them and get their thoughts. It is their thoughts that matter. If people are not doing life and battling with you and working with you and are not in that small group you have to let their opinions go. It is those who battle with you and you are open with whose opinions matter.
LoreleiBoomer
December 21st, 2019 1:48am
You can try talking to a teacher, parent, older sibling, or someone older who knows what your going through. And remember to always tell the truth even if they don't believe you. It's honestly honesty that gets you to the top and helps you through life. If someone is blaming you for something you didn't do you should also try to show them proof that you had no part in it. Or find witnesses. Even ask someone to just believe you might be enough to turn someone else's perspective. Now I need to get to 100 words for some reason so there lol.
rosewolf1726
December 27th, 2019 4:56pm
Try and talk to the person who blamed you and try and reason with them. Try explaining you're side of it. Don't get flustered and get mad. People tend to be more understanding when the conversation is calm and not tense. If that doesn't seem to help the issue, don't forget that You know the truth and that's what matters!! They might not be able to understand it from your perspective, but you know the truth and that matters. Don't beat yourself up about what others think they know. The only people that truly know are you and anyone involved.
Anonymous
February 21st, 2020 5:26pm
First of all, don't take it personally. State your position in this situation. If you are not taking the blame, say what you need to say and exit the as soon as possible. It may be hard to a people pleaser to do that. However, it is very essential to set your boundary from the get-go. Remember, "Not my circus, not my monkey." Make sure to get your guard up. A lot of time people tend to over explain a small matter which causes them get blame and even guilt into taking the ownership of other people's mistakes or even issues. Don't fall into that kind of mind trap.
JeanaGriz7Cup
March 1st, 2020 2:59pm
First see and hear everything they saying to you, do not stop them or interfere with what they are saying, I know it hard but listen and once they’re done, if you know you have done this before but you didn’t do it this time, let them know that it wasn’t you this time and ask them if they have asked any else about this. If they still don’t believe you, keep eye contact with them and tell them with confident that you didn't do it, tell them where you were what your were doing, once you have confirm them that you didn’t then leave because you already know it wasn’t you and whoever it was they will slip up, but have to try not to do anything that you could be blame at. Like if you know you have done it before don’t it anymore and stay low for a while so the culprit could be easy found.
Anonymous
March 12th, 2020 7:17am
For this, the first thing you have to do is understand. You have to understand if the accuser who blames you understand your condition or views or that they can't understand. If they can understand, well, try to make sure they understand. If, however they don't understand, you must think positive. You must think of who you are. You must think that they are nobody to judge you. You must be yourself. You must not let their judgement change you. That's all I have to say about your problem. Just be yourself and believe yourself. Be positive, motivated in life.
bellarina74
March 25th, 2020 4:24pm
You can try taking the assertiveness route and when you are blamed for thing state your case that it is not your fault and explain why it is not your fault. Being constantly blamed for things would be doing nothing for your self-esteem and confidence so taking a big breath and stating your case will help you feel more in control of these situations and accusations. This may seem daunting but you will have feelings of self-worth after you have confronted and deflected some issues coming your way. At the end of the day, some of these issues may not even have anything to do with you and you can take it one further by stating this and then going about your day.
Anonymous
March 26th, 2020 5:44am
Trusting ourselves first is the main thing that can be done to deal with being blamed. Then once we’re confident about ourselves we could explain ourselves to those who are blaming us. There are two things that could happen, either the person would apologise or go on blaming us. If the person apologises the problem is solved then and there. Else, we could try harder explaining and put them in our shoes to make them realise their mistake. Even if that doesn’t work out, who cares you’re your best judge. You trust yourself nothing more is needed than that. So just let it go.
Anonymous
April 10th, 2020 10:01pm
You can be honest and tell the truth. You can also lean on others to support you who may better understand the situation. By having others explain the situation the person who is putting the blame on you may also be able to see the truth more easily. It is also important to understand that even if you are being blamed you know that truth and that you did not do what you are being accused of. Even if the other person does not see the truth the main thing is that you know. This allows you to unburden yourself of the feeling of guilt.
Anonymous
April 30th, 2020 2:00pm
When I deal with things that I’m not responsible for, I try to see it in a different perspective and explain the truth as much as I can. The best thing you can do is practice self love. You know the truth and even though life goes in ways you don’t want them to go, you have yourself. By not letting negative emotions get to you, you’re taking an even bigger step. It doesn’t matter about other people’s opinions but yours. You are the only one who knows what’s right for you and what you can do! Self love is key :)
SuziUzi
June 17th, 2020 12:17pm
We can try to make sure that we know for sure in our mind that something wasn't our fault. When we have a solid sense of self, what others are blaming us for or thinking about us should be lower on the hierarchy. What we think about ourself is very important and taking care of ourself should be the number one thing on our mind when a situation like this arises. You can make a list of pros and cons in your head for standing up for yourself. If it would help solve your problem, then it may be a good idea but sometimes keeping quiet is a much better option and it allows us to spend more time working on ourselves and how to react well to these type of situations.
Anonymous
July 10th, 2020 5:04pm
Do not get agitated listen peacefully and try to explain if not effective wait till they realise their mistake.being polite ,patient peaceful alleviates negative vibes from negative situation relax your mind by doing yoga and fill yourself with optimism .deal intellectually don't be hasty and aggressive ,avoid being voilent and harming self and others and disturbing the environment around you.keep harmony.dont hesitate to apologize just to make the other individual realize his or her error or mistake .calm personality keeps your as well as others mental health in perfect condition and shape.introspection as well as trying to understand others perspective is equally important.
AmericaPearl11
July 12th, 2020 2:38am
It's important to act, not react. In a situation like this, you're bound to be angry. Take some time to cool down before defending your case. It takes the brain at least 20 minutes to fully calm down when very angry. Sometimes you may only need 5 minutes. Second, it's important to set boundaries by not allowing others to walk all over you. Boundaries are respectful ways of showing people how they should treat you and what you are willing to accept from their behavior. In this situation, being accused of something you did not do can mean that someone is disrespecting you and crossing a boundary. Telling the person that they are incorrect and showing proof that you were not at fault can be done in a respectful and calm way. However, remember it's important to keep a level head, otherwise others will get defensive and not be able to "hear" your side of the story.