How can I deal with being blamed for things that aren't my fault?
Last Updated: 08/29/2021 at 5:58pm
Jennifer Geib, LCSWR
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
1:1 chats (up to 5 days/week). - My therapy is non-judgmental and focuses on emotions and motivation to accomplish your goals or overcome your struggles.
Top Rated Answers
Try to find out why people blame you, then give reasons why this is not true and why it is not your fault. Also turn it around and ask them how they would feel in your shoes. Explain how you feel and ways to avoid this. Such as having good evidence before making assumptions and blaming you. If things do not change you maybe have to work on not internalising it and grounding yourself and self care. Sometimes you have to pick your battles otherwise you will be losing energy over the small stuff and lose sight of other things
* Realize that instead of dealing with the pain, the other person tries to move it onto you so he/she can feel better. * Realize that words are just that: words. It is your own responsibility how you deal with them, you always have the choice. Break out of behaviour patterns to increase your options. * Ask the other person to reflect on his/her own actions. Ask naive questions and make them subtly realize it may be their own fault. Bad things happen, too. Why create more negative energy out of that? Don't fight the NOW. * Just acknowledge the fact that it may even be your fault. Realize that everyone makes mistakes and that we also grow from them. Try saying "yes, you are right, I made a mistake" and see what happens
I can relate to that question as the oldest of four children, my parents blame a lot of things on me that I have no part in. Sometimes people don't see the truth so we have to suck it up and just take in the criticism but if we do our best to be our best selves and give them no reason to blame those things on us, they will soon see that those actions were not our fault. It also might help to ask them to explain why they are blaming you. If they have a reason, there must be a way to disprove it if it really isn't you. If their reasoning is illogical, then just give them time and show them through your actions that you are a better person than they are making of you. :)
Feeling blamed and attacked is no fun, especially for people who internalize things. The key is to have a very small number of people who you can be very open and honest with and they will do the same for you. 'Fact check' the situation with them and get their thoughts. It is their thoughts that matter. If people are not doing life and battling with you and working with you and are not in that small group you have to let their opinions go. It is those who battle with you and you are open with whose opinions matter.
You can try talking to a teacher, parent, older sibling, or someone older who knows what your going through. And remember to always tell the truth even if they don't believe you. It's honestly honesty that gets you to the top and helps you through life. If someone is blaming you for something you didn't do you should also try to show them proof that you had no part in it. Or find witnesses. Even ask someone to just believe you might be enough to turn someone else's perspective. Now I need to get to 100 words for some reason so there lol.
Try and talk to the person who blamed you and try and reason with them. Try explaining you're side of it. Don't get flustered and get mad. People tend to be more understanding when the conversation is calm and not tense. If that doesn't seem to help the issue, don't forget that You know the truth and that's what matters!! They might not be able to understand it from your perspective, but you know the truth and that matters. Don't beat yourself up about what others think they know. The only people that truly know are you and anyone involved.
First of all, don't take it personally. State your position in this situation. If you are not taking the blame, say what you need to say and exit the as soon as possible. It may be hard to a people pleaser to do that. However, it is very essential to set your boundary from the get-go. Remember, "Not my circus, not my monkey." Make sure to get your guard up. A lot of time people tend to over explain a small matter which causes them get blame and even guilt into taking the ownership of other people's mistakes or even issues. Don't fall into that kind of mind trap.
First see and hear everything they saying to you, do not stop them or interfere with what they are saying, I know it hard but listen and once they’re done, if you know you have done this before but you didn’t do it this time, let them know that it wasn’t you this time and ask them if they have asked any else about this. If they still don’t believe you, keep eye contact with them and tell them with confident that you didn't do it, tell them where you were what your were doing, once you have confirm them that you didn’t then leave because you already know it wasn’t you and whoever it was they will slip up, but have to try not to do anything that you could be blame at. Like if you know you have done it before don’t it anymore and stay low for a while so the culprit could be easy found.
For this, the first thing you have to do is understand. You have to understand if the accuser who blames you understand your condition or views or that they can't understand. If they can understand, well, try to make sure they understand. If, however they don't understand, you must think positive. You must think of who you are. You must think that they are nobody to judge you. You must be yourself. You must not let their judgement change you. That's all I have to say about your problem. Just be yourself and believe yourself. Be positive, motivated in life.
You can try taking the assertiveness route and when you are blamed for thing state your case that it is not your fault and explain why it is not your fault. Being constantly blamed for things would be doing nothing for your self-esteem and confidence so taking a big breath and stating your case will help you feel more in control of these situations and accusations. This may seem daunting but you will have feelings of self-worth after you have confronted and deflected some issues coming your way. At the end of the day, some of these issues may not even have anything to do with you and you can take it one further by stating this and then going about your day.
Trusting ourselves first is the main thing that can be done to deal with being blamed. Then once we’re confident about ourselves we could explain ourselves to those who are blaming us. There are two things that could happen, either the person would apologise or go on blaming us. If the person apologises the problem is solved then and there. Else, we could try harder explaining and put them in our shoes to make them realise their mistake. Even if that doesn’t work out, who cares you’re your best judge. You trust yourself nothing more is needed than that. So just let it go.
You can be honest and tell the truth. You can also lean on others to support you who may better understand the situation. By having others explain the situation the person who is putting the blame on you may also be able to see the truth more easily. It is also important to understand that even if you are being blamed you know that truth and that you did not do what you are being accused of. Even if the other person does not see the truth the main thing is that you know. This allows you to unburden yourself of the feeling of guilt.
When I deal with things that I’m not responsible for, I try to see it in a different perspective and explain the truth as much as I can. The best thing you can do is practice self love. You know the truth and even though life goes in ways you don’t want them to go, you have yourself. By not letting negative emotions get to you, you’re taking an even bigger step. It doesn’t matter about other people’s opinions but yours. You are the only one who knows what’s right for you and what you can do! Self love is key :)
We can try to make sure that we know for sure in our mind that something wasn't our fault. When we have a solid sense of self, what others are blaming us for or thinking about us should be lower on the hierarchy. What we think about ourself is very important and taking care of ourself should be the number one thing on our mind when a situation like this arises. You can make a list of pros and cons in your head for standing up for yourself. If it would help solve your problem, then it may be a good idea but sometimes keeping quiet is a much better option and it allows us to spend more time working on ourselves and how to react well to these type of situations.
Do not get agitated listen peacefully and try to explain if not effective wait till they realise their mistake.being polite ,patient peaceful alleviates negative vibes from negative situation relax your mind by doing yoga and fill yourself with optimism .deal intellectually don't be hasty and aggressive ,avoid being voilent and harming self and others and disturbing the environment around you.keep harmony.dont hesitate to apologize just to make the other individual realize his or her error or mistake .calm personality keeps your as well as others mental health in perfect condition and shape.introspection as well as trying to understand others perspective is equally important.
It's important to act, not react. In a situation like this, you're bound to be angry. Take some time to cool down before defending your case. It takes the brain at least 20 minutes to fully calm down when very angry. Sometimes you may only need 5 minutes. Second, it's important to set boundaries by not allowing others to walk all over you. Boundaries are respectful ways of showing people how they should treat you and what you are willing to accept from their behavior. In this situation, being accused of something you did not do can mean that someone is disrespecting you and crossing a boundary. Telling the person that they are incorrect and showing proof that you were not at fault can be done in a respectful and calm way. However, remember it's important to keep a level head, otherwise others will get defensive and not be able to "hear" your side of the story.
Being blamed for something that is not your fault is never a easy thing to digest. Unfortunately, even if you know it is not your fault, it can be difficult to convince someone else this. At the end of the day you have to focus the things that are in your hands. You are not able to convince someone else otherwise but focus on how you feel about yourself. At the end of the day if you know it is not your fault, focus on the positives of your life. Try talking to this person at first to express your feelings and if this does not work, just remember that no one needs toxic people in their life.
You can remind yourself that you don't have control over what others may blame one you as you know your own truth. You don't even have to necessarily explain to others why something isn't your fault as you don't owe others anything. If you do feel the need to respond to others blaming you can make a simple statement, you know what I know my own truth, I have no control over XY and Z, and I was not a part of XY and Z and move forward. If responding to others was emotionally taxing, take a moment to watch a relaxation video on you tube or do something that is peaceful to you and will allow you to move forward.
It's a difficult situation to be in, but it is possible to get through with a cool head. Lay out the reasons for why they may be angry, keep in mind these difficulties they are going through. Then tell them, I understand you had a rough day, but you can see I was not related to this problem. Keep communication open, and hopefully hug it out. It's important to always use reason and logic. Your brain will learn to work alongside your heart, with practice. It's not a smart idea to yell, it's not my fault, because that used only the heart, and is showing the emotional pain, instead of using the brain and seeing the other person could be going through pain and misunderstood. Let them see clearly why it wasn't your fault, with a calm voice.
Being blamed for the things that aren't my fault? That is so unfair. I'd feel so upset and somehow betrayed. Maybe I'd like trying to speak to those who blamed me in better times and/or environments. Give them better understanding on the situation(s). Maybe not in the heated moments (means later), and in some sensible ways which they might really listen (written if it must). I usually take time to think about what happened and then write my thoughts. Then write things that I'd like to say to others if it really needed (for their sake and/or mine). I also think that I should talk to them so they could do better on dealing with similar issues (not too fast on blaming someone). If none of those work, I'd channel my hurt feeligs by talking to someone I can trust. Pouring out my feelings usually help me to understand others and then I can forgive then move forward. Hope this helps. Stay safe and healthy.
The best way to deal with it, is to partially accept it as the other person is very convinced that you are the guilty one, If you directly say its not true this will only convince the other person he or she is right, Partially tell the other person he is right somewhere open the door to a dialogue. Which give you the opportunity to explain in a peaceful way you side of the facts. For me this is how it work the best. Not be offensive of defensive but give the chance for a good chat and dialogue.
There are a couple of ways. First you can face the person and tell them that it is not your fault and give your reasons why. If they try to blame you after than then you just have to move on. Everyone has their own opinions and if they don't listen to your plea then they aren't your time. Be yourself and stop trying to please others. At the end of the day it is your life and you can do as you please and what you think is right. Toughen up and ignore the negativity that is constantly being flooded around you.
All that matters is the honesty within yourself as a human, not those who attempt to belittle you with their accusations. You are you. This self-awareness exists as a power in itself which nobody can take away from you. As much as you may want to prove them wrong, sometimes silence is golden. You much acknowledge that you do not have to respond to every individual who is seeking to blame you for actions which are not your responsibility. Although it can be a weight-lifter from your shoulders at times, in other circumstances it is exhausting to deal with every single element of negativity towards you! In this world, people have tactics to bring fellow beings down, bully them, and make you lash out. However, reacting back will let them "win" or even prove their point to others. So, the best thing to do is to be self-aware of your truth, responsible when necessary, and kind to those who attack you. Believe me when I say that these type of individuals need kindness the most. You never know what the motive behind their attitude towards you, whether it includes: pessimism, jealousy, envy, inability to take ownership of their mistakes, or other experiences which have affected their reactions towards you (in other words "hurt people, hurt people". So a good way to confronting the issue itself is realizing that such hostility towards you consists as a reflection of them, not you. Kill them with kindness, show them good will (even if you believe they do not deserve it), and stay you. ;)
Approach the confrontation as an opportunity for growth and not as accusation of guilt. Our perspective can be filtered to focus on not so much that the blame is coming from a place of untruth but that it can we can achieve some context and learning from the person who is sending the blame, as well as how we can treat the situation of misunderstanding. It can be easy to be defensive but showing true growth is when we can find understanding from misunderstanding. Our place of balance can focus on understanding instead of focusing on who is right and who is wrong.
It can be difficult and upsetting to be accused or blamed for things you haven't done or contributed to. You may have success coping with this by setting firm guidelines and boundaries as to what is and is not your responsibility, and what is and isn't within your influence or control. That way, when others blame you for something, you can evaluate the situation and calmly recognize whether this is a "you" issue or a "them" issue. If it is a reoccurring situation and you feel like it would benefit you, you might even chose an appropriate time (when tensions are low and the situation is relatively private), and calmly point out to the person blaming you that the situation they are blaming you for falls outside your influence. By evaluating the situations honestly and deciding not to become emotionally invested in what you are being blamed for (and by emotionally distancing yourself from other people's untruths), you allow yourself freedom from being tied to the situations others blame you for.
It's always hard to be blamed for things that you had nothing to do with, or that you didn't cause! Sometimes finding ways to cope can be a pain in the butt! Everyone copes in different ways for different situations so you can have to find what works best for you! It may be Mindfulness, practising assertiveness or practising diplomacy skills. You may want to brainstorm ideas regarding the whys, how's, what's and when you were blamed. In general, you may want to think about behaviors that provoke you to feel annoyed. You may want to think about the communication style you present to other people and the communication style they present to you. Are they or you conveying anything in their verbal (e.g. bad language) or non-verbal communication (e.g. not making eye contact, arms folded, frowning, rolling eyes) which shows hostility or aggression? Are you wanting to communicate with your family or friends to clear any misunderstandings if any? You might also want to reflect on any conflicting situation you have resolved in the past if applicable and what you did in that situation? I can understand you feel disheartened but please know that misunderstandings can be resolved with assertiveness and diplomacy. For further support please feel free to communicate with a listener or online therapist on our site. You know yourself best! And never be afraid to explore all the different ways to cope! You'll find your way of coping very soon!
Being blamed for things that are not your fault can be hurtful and exhausting. It’s easy to understand that your initial reaction or natural instinct would be anger. You may be asking yourself many questions. How can I manage my emotions better so that I can deal with conflict in a more calm way? How can I keep my mind peaceful? Why do I get defensive people blame me for things? What is triggering the misunderstandings and how can these misunderstandings be cleared? To be the voice of reason and assure yourself that you have good intentions takes self-acceptance as well as patience. Looking back on the things you have been blamed for, what did you hope to ask those who have blamed you? Has there been any misunderstandings in the past that have been cleared and if so how was the misunderstanding cleared? It takes time to fully relax when someone has blamed you for something you have not done. You may move to a different room for a while to just process what has been said and then on how to deal with what has been said. Its ok to reflect for a while before you choose how to react towards accusations made. Take your time to share your thoughts and your feelings in a way that is diplomatic and honest. It can either be speaking to them in person, through the phone, through a message or a letter. Explain what you felt when you were blamed in any type communication comfortable to you. Before thinking up your response it’s important to ask yourself: Am I feeling calm? When you are calm you have a response that is reasonable this will likely make others take into consideration what you have said. For further support you can communicate with one of our listeners or members and you can also get access to mindfulness exercises and self-help guides.
Dealing with false accusations is a hard thing to do. In a situation when I am being accused of something incorrectly I speak to the person that blamed me. Speaking out about wrongful accusations can help solve the problem. It is also important to act with kindness and respect. Never blame yourself for anything and keeping your head high can help express your confidence. This will help you understand that what you are being blamed for is not your fault. I've had many situations where people blamed me but I always proved them wrong because it is good to have confidence.
Try not to be defensive, be the bigger person and speak about the situation and break down as to what exactly is going on and where the confusion may have rooted from. Everyone makes mistakes, so if that’s the case there’s no need to make a big deal about it because it’s better to bring light to the situation and be cordial about it in the end than to point more fingers at people and make the situation worse. A lot of times for me, I’ll ask the person to explain how it started from start to finish. That way the two of you can pinpoint exactly where things went wrong. No matter what - whoever is actually at fault, don’t make it the end of the world for that person. We all are human and do things by mistake and if that’s the case, inform them and then work to move past it and educate that person on how to avoid the situation like that again.
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