My manager is very impatient and often criticises me. I cant take criticism well and have a low threshold of stress. What can I do to get stronger (to cope) on my own and without changing her at all?

76 Answers
Last Updated: 02/02/2020 at 5:07am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lara Gregorio, LCSW

Therapist

I believe that depression can feel all-consuming. I have a real passion for helping my clients to reclaim their voices and lives from depressive thoughts.

Top Rated Answers
whimsicalHope17
February 8th, 2017 11:39pm
Think of her words of criticism as the potential to become better. Although they may sound harsh it has the capability of improving your skill set and your job. Take the words that she speaks, and use them in a positive way rather than taking them personal.
Anonymous
February 10th, 2017 2:50pm
It is important for you to realise that you cannot cope without the support of others. If you feel like you cannot reach out to your manager to express your need to support, you can try to seek mentorship from others at your workplace, some of whom may have gone through similar situations. It also helps to take breaks from work (if feasible) to meditate and relax your mind. You can try to do this more frequently at the beginning to increase your tolerance levels. Yoga and exercise also help in coping with stress, as does music. Doing some or all of these things can bring your tolerance levels up and help you cope with stress better now as well as in the long run!
Sunshine201
February 17th, 2017 7:35am
It is a long process, to make oneself cope up with criticism or stress, start by practicing breathing slow and deep in that specific stress inducing event, take a time out in private to speak out meaningless phrases continuesly to get unburdened of anger,keep looking for another work or job because this sort of harsh environment is not good for your emotional health in long run,
Anonymous
March 12th, 2017 6:16am
Look for ways to interact positively your manager. Try looking at the situation from their point of view. Often, we only see things from our own perspective and it clouds the way we see others. Keep good thoughts about them when possible. This can help you keep your own stress levels down, while diffusing the impatience of your manager.
AllTheDewdrops
March 18th, 2017 3:07pm
Perhaps using a creative form of expressing yourself can help, such as writing or drawing. I think that engaging in physical activity and spending time with your friends can also help. I think keeping a few hobbies on the side can help you cope with your stress. However, I think that if this affects you heavily, that you should talk to your manager and tell her how you feel (this is only if it goes to far in your opinion).
SamuelPeak
April 7th, 2017 6:21am
Often times I've found that it helps to put yourself in their shoes, to see things through their eyes. Everyone has a wants, wishes, and hopes in life. Occasional it just helps to realize that. They may be criticizing you because they want the very best out of you, or because they feel powerless in other aspects of their life. And then sometimes, we simply have to tell them exactly what the matter is, and if they would please stop, it's surprising how much can be solved through communication!
Anonymous
April 28th, 2017 2:33am
Well, what do you do to validate yourself? Personally, I make videos of me talking to myself every day, and then watch them which helps me feel like I'm a real person. This combined with assertive statements can be a powerful tool. Practising in the mirror or roleplaying with a friend can also be a great way to build that confidence muscle. Find some people on YouTube that help you feel validated.
romanticthi3f
August 9th, 2017 8:38am
Oh this is a great question! This is probably something you could chat to a listener about to bounce off techniques and see what might work for you and what you're comfortable with. It's basically about building resilience; so that over time you know that the criticism isn't personal and she does mean well. Sometimes this means thought challenging; so knowing that what she says doesn't change how you see yourself, or it might be about being more assertive in the way that you guys talk, or even just learning different habits so that you can be an effective worker or deal with stress more effectively (like yoga, mindfulness or taking breaks). Hope this helps!
amazingWords58
August 12th, 2017 6:50pm
Don't take what your manager says to you too hard stay positive and always keep moving forward and know that you can overcome anything that is put in front of you
LilGreenBird
November 12th, 2017 5:11pm
When I need to 'train' myself to handle stress, I often write out my worries and thoughts. It helps me to list all the reasons why I have done my best and my strengths and reaffirm that it is the other party who is unnecessarily harsh. Another method I found which trained my mental strength is exercise. Pushing through the 'pain' and 'stress' (good pain and stress, mind you!) to keep on working out has helped me build both my physical and psychological strength. Exercise is also a good stress reliever!
Girlwithsuperpower
November 24th, 2017 3:57pm
You just have to ignore her words.don't consider someone's criticism.its a great enemy of our growth
Anonymous
January 14th, 2018 6:32pm
You can always start by asking them to be a little more sensitive towards you. If you're starting to feel anxious, take some deep breaths and try to calm down before you begin working.
JJill1
January 17th, 2018 6:10am
This is actually an amazing question to ask! I know for me, criticism and high-pressure situations tend to make me freak out, sometimes I will just burst into tears! Oops! I found that working on stress relieving activities through the day helped. I love coloring or music. Sometimes, You can just memorize a little mantra to play in your head, to remind you to stay calm and that she is only your boss :)
carefreeHeart57
February 23rd, 2018 12:13pm
Try to put yourself in your managers shoes. He/she is often under great pressure and may seem to be barking at you over relatively simply and easily resolved problems. What could you do to help relieve his/her stress? Answer the phone a bit faster? That is easy. Greet customers with a warm smile and ask what you can do to help them? That is easy. If you can help them reduce their stress and meet their goals, you should find an improvement in your working relationship.
miraculousHeart73
March 22nd, 2018 7:35pm
The best thing to do is talk with your manager about how you feel without criticizing him/her. Try to compromise with them, and take a deep breath. Remember, they want you to grow as an employee.
glassmarble
April 4th, 2018 11:27am
It's totally natural to react to criticism with refusal and/or feeling bad about yourself. What helps me is to always remember that if people criticise you, they just want you to know what to do differently (which is better than them being angry about it without telling you) and they believe that you can do better (otherwise there would be no point in telling you). So just try to take it as a request for improvement if you can! Also: Nobody is perfect, and it's totally fine to make mistakes.
BeTheChangeYouWant
April 26th, 2018 9:12pm
Most criticism comes from reaction to a situation, not from judgement of a person personally. Think of it as coaching for opportunities instead of critical pointing out of flaws, and it's less stress and more motivation!
1musicloverever
May 30th, 2018 9:26pm
Simply speak to her. I had something like this happen and I just spoke to my manager about how I feel at work, about my work ethics and how to make things better for everyone.
KurtCups711
June 16th, 2018 2:01pm
There is a difference between constructive criticism and berating someone. I'd suggest you speak with your manager about how you'd like to receive feedback on your job performance. If you can I'd recommend taking short periodic breaks to decompress. Go for a walk, read, take a nap. Whatever you find relaxing.
Anonymous
June 21st, 2018 8:56am
keep calm and be patient and see things from your manager side and understand and be supportive to your manager
softNutella25
June 21st, 2018 10:04pm
No one will ever change anyone; we can only change ourselves. As far as learning to cope, try doing some self-reflection, understanding your stress and criticism issues. Once you do that, you may be able to change those patterns and learn better coping skills.
patientLight71
June 23rd, 2018 2:30am
In my experience in such condition, the best situation will be to switch your job. If that is not possible then change your department within the same organization. If you have to be with your current bose, then you can try to look further as to why your bose feels irritated all time and see if you can do something to address your boss's problem.
Anonymous
July 21st, 2018 7:35am
well, you know that she is like that so don't take her comments too personally. What helps me is to rephrase it in my head on what I can do to better myself.
gracefulPalm90
July 28th, 2018 8:05am
That sounds really tough to manage. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Getting strong doesn't happen overnight and will take time. I think it is important to ask ourselves, why am I sensitive to this? Have people been cruel in the past or impatient with you? Sometimes people are impatient and at times uncaring. We shouldn't blame ourselves but try to understand what is driving this person, impatient person, as well. Sometimes the people that abuse or rude need help to understand that is what they are doing.
niceRainbows39
August 1st, 2018 9:24pm
In order to cope, you have to understand that it isn't your fault that she is impatient. To get stronger, you have to learn from your experiences with your boss, and get strength from knowing that you are doing your best, even when other people don't understand that.
GregArious77
August 1st, 2018 9:59pm
Reach out to your manager to see what improvements there might be with regard to work ethics, quality assurance, or something that would ultimately further you both in the workplace. There is always common ground.
Niley
August 9th, 2018 9:51am
All you need to do is keep your calm, do breathing exercises. Listen to peaceful musics. All will be good
insanitymysafehouse
August 11th, 2018 6:43pm
The first thing I believe that could help you is to analyse what makes her impatient and criticise you. After that you might try to take precautions in avoiding recreating situations where she can get impatient.
Anonymous
August 23rd, 2018 10:04am
Stay positive, know that your good enough exactly the way you are, you can't let someone break down your walls like that, you are strong, you have to remember that there are people like that in this world, that will try to break you down but you have to know your the best you can be, some people who do these things do them because they think that they themselves aren't perfect so to make themselves feel better, they criticize others around them to heighten their self esteem, keep remembering this: you are strong, because you are, you are stronger than those horrible words
SoulsInDrag
September 27th, 2018 10:54pm
Ask your manager if you can set aside some time to have a meeting. Let the manager know your feelings and ask if there is an alternative approach so you can both be better productively. Often times when managers are confronted in a generous and professional manner, they will admit they might have been too harsh. See if you can develop a plan to be more proactive with your people skills so you can avoid some of the pitfalls with micromanagement. Remember being criticized gives you an opportunity to improve, but if it is too much and too often you may need to have a direct one-on-one.