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My manager is very impatient and often criticises me. I cant take criticism well and have a low threshold of stress. What can I do to get stronger (to cope) on my own and without changing her at all?

99 Answers
Last Updated: 03/21/2021 at 6:41am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lara Gregorio, LCSW

Therapist

I believe that depression can feel all-consuming. I have a real passion for helping my clients to reclaim their voices and lives from depressive thoughts.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
October 28th, 2020 7:01pm
Workplace conflict is a common source of stress. When feeling criticized or stressed, it is sometimes important to reassure yourself of your strengths and rely more heavily on self care. To reassure yourself of your strengths, remind yourself of why you're at that job. When you are hired, that's not just something you do, sure, you can go to a job interview or apply, but ultimately when you get hired, that's the company or person deciding you are worthy. So, if you got that job, someone deemed you were worthy or "good enough" to do it. Remind yourself of that. Remind yourself of why you wanted the job and why you thought you would be good at it, so that you can reassure yourself of your purpose and abilities. To engage more in self care, do things that you enjoy or that you know will help you cope with any stressors you are feeling. This may help to clear your head and gain a sense of distance from and clarity on the situation so that you can better cope with it.
CaringSharon
October 30th, 2020 8:07pm
Listen objectively. Realize that she/he may be trying to help, but I'm not hearing it as such. Maybe my manager doesn't have the best communication skills and I can learn to be a better interpreter of what she/he's saying. I can remind myself not to take it all so personally. He/she could just be stressed for reasons that have nothing to do with me. I can always speak up and say, " I am not understanding what you are trying to say. " What I am hearing is that I am doing something wrong. I am hearing that I am not doing things fast enough. I am open to examine my own actions, but I would like to hear how you would like me to do things better by showing me some examples of how you want me to take action. I can remember that we are all human. The manager's role is to manage. My role is to support the manager. I have to understand that we work together to get goals accomplished. If this doesn't work for me, I need to speak up and express my feelings. I can always use 7 cups as a way to process my feelings.
windowmouse29
November 13th, 2020 3:04am
The first step is to understand that everyone thinks and acts differently. Try putting yourself in your manager's shoes. Managing is a stressful job and some people under stress don't realize how they may come off to their employees. Try developing a bond with your manager. When it's appropriate, ask them how their week is going or find a common interest like music. Futhermore, workplace communication is important for a healthy relationship with your managers and coworkers. If you feel there's an issue, politely communicate to your manager how you sometimes feel stressed and help them understand you better.
8Lotuss
November 28th, 2020 5:17am
Speak and react in calm ways, even when the boss is obviously agitated. Bring them a cup of tea or their favorite drink. Prioritize things for you. Your important tasks. Planning your day and getting things prioritized helps you advance in your work. Which, will be noticeable soon Tidy their office space, have your work ready in advance of the deadline: Your boss will know you are organized person. All those document and forms are worrying, annoying and agitating. And do the same to your desk and office keep it tidy. You just made things easier for you and your boss Try to make easier on them by answer phone calls. Ask if you respond to secondary e-mail. Schedule event and upcoming meetings. Try to discuss issue and try solving them. Try to solve your issues or problems at work as soon as possible. No mess, no postpone. Then your things will get more settle with your boss.
StargirlTina
December 12th, 2020 2:51am
It is okay..I know how it feels:( Know that they do this to get the employees under them to work harder since they have a lot of stress upon them too..I knew a manager who always put pressure on people and criticised them..Later found out that he was in depresssion because his seniors were putting loads of pressure on him, even more than he was putting on his employees.. Also know that it's not your fault..I am sure you try your best to satisfy her:) Just work as much as you can, take breaks and meditate whenever you can.. If you feel too stressed, just be honest about it and dont focus too much on her criticisms..Only extract the best things, and tips from them and reject the rest of it..I am sure you will excel! Lots of love and strength to you🧡
JusticiaPrimalDorogo
December 13th, 2020 12:48am
You can talk to CEO of the firm with a problem by saying (manager is too harsh on me) and to tell that you have a couple ideas to improve productivity.those ideas are these There should be a seminar about implementing the change of the way of thinking. I am talking about a manager ready to get up when he falls and work together with his team. Strongly avoiding the I am smart, you are not attitude. We should encouradge not telling someone that is smart per se, but, because he is ready to work no matter how difficult the process is. Whaz I mean by that - learning to work as a team instead of creating elitism unable to adapt and learn about market
Unlockingpanic69
December 31st, 2020 3:04pm
There are forms of constructive criticism but I don’t know what form she might be directing towards you there ways to do that I understand you could face some back lash by confronting her so self help excercises like try taking criticism on purpose from friends and family that will most certainly toughen your threshold and make it a lot more tolerable in this situation at least but I like I said don’t know your exact situation and my advice is very limited due to the nature of the conservation best of luck to you hope this helps you
gentleSun7149
March 18th, 2021 1:13am
It can be really helpful to remember that a lot of times, people's reactions are more about their own feelings and pasts than they are about your actions or personal qualities. It helps me to have compassion for them by thinking "They must be having a difficult day," or "I would also be stressed if I had to manage multiple people." With personal criticism, I try to think of it as behaviors and actions that I can improve on, rather than my own personal qualities. I try to separate my actions from my core "self," if that makes sense.
jovy1
March 21st, 2021 6:41am
Write down what she says. Break it up into different points, see if the points make sense or are contextual. Discuss it with a close friend or parents, siblings, spouse to get an objective view. It will help understand the criticism better. You can then decide where you need to correct and where you can ignore the criticism. Write down the points separately, this time divided into 2 groups. Every time you are criticized, go back and check as per the groups whether you need to ignore or work on it. This will help you assess the criticism dispassionately rather than taking it personally every time. At some point, you can then discuss it with your manager, but only after the criticism is analyzed and stops stressing you out.