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Summershy
5 112,285 M Moving Swiftly 7
PathStep 608 Compassion hearts4,120 Forum posts1,133 Forum upvotes1,014 Current upvotes1,014 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2024 Member sinceJune 3, 2014
Recent forum posts
I can't admit that she betrayed me
Relationship Stress / by Summershy
Last post
 2 days ago
...See more Hi: For the past week, I have been very angry and hurt about how I was treated by a "Friend."   The last time we reconnected, she completely ignored a very serious situation that I had been facing. Rather, she was more concerned about hearing herself talk and didn't like what I had to say.   Additionally to that, she completely disappeared from me for a year and a half.   As stated in my last post, she told me that she "Forgot" about my situation and that her problems seemed to be more important. She  also tried to cover things up by stating that she "Lost her phone."  Anyway, I am having a hard time accepting that this woman betrayed me by disappearing like that.  I think the main reason is because I thought that she was my friend.  
This feels like emotional blackmail
Relationship Stress / by Summershy
Last post
 April 17th
...See more I have been discussing this in the sharing sessions and with some friends.... Over a year and a half ago, a friend disappeared from me for a whole year and a half.    This was not only after I mentioned that  I had an emergency with some tough decisions ahead.  This friend also didn't seem to like what I had to say but was very rude to me by being passive-aggressive.  Being that I was bothered by it, I confronted her in an email a few months ago.  However, I didn't hear anything back until today.  This was when she tried to re-add me as a friend on her social media.   However, not only did I turn down the request but I said no.  When she responded, her apology was not very sincere and she gave the "I'll make it up to you" line.  At that point, I set a few more boundaries which she completely dismissed.   Instead, she gave me a few excuses about how she "Lost her phone" and "I guess that I was too focused on my problems. However, I have never considered myself to be a self-centered person."  Again, I put my foot down and said that she had the option to reach out to social media.  I also said "A bad friend is a bad friend" and a few other things. Again, she wrote back and apologized by offering to meet me in person.  Believe me, I am down for that.  However, this is where it felt like emotional blackmail and probably gaslighting.  "From what I am hearing, you think that I am a bad person and you don't like me anymore.  You are also saying that you don't have time for me." At that point, I acknowledged her apology and agreed that it was a good idea to meet in person.   I also said that I didn't have time.   Then I blocked her. 
Holding onto grudges
Autism Support / by Summershy
Last post
 Sunday
...See more I am a woman living on the autism spectrum and I have been working through a healing journey.  As I have been praying and doing positive affirmations, I came to this realization.   I have been carrying a lot of grudges against other people.  Some of the reasons 1. Over condescending remarks or actions that they said from years ago 2. Being overlooked, ignored, or left out 
Letting go of resently
Relationship Stress / by Summershy
Last post
 Saturday
...See more I could not find the check-in section so I am going to post this here.   I have been known to hold grudges and resentment towards people and they are over silly things that people said or did.   I have also been holding onto resentment over betrayal and over other falling outs.  I have been working on letting go by 1. Throwing away old gifts and deleting photos of these people from social media and my phone 2. Whenever, I feel really angry I started listening to positive affirmations on letting go.  I am finding that they help when I am in the moment
Ways that I am letting go
Healthy Living / by Summershy
Last post
 April 11th
...See more Several years back, I was completely rejected and betrayed by someone who turned out to be a frenemy.   As I have been working through this,  I have been throwing things out that she once gave me.  I have also been deleting a lot of photos of her on my phone and social media.   Additionally to that, I have been deleting photos of other people who were also toxic friends.  In the meantime, I am accepting that I have been carrying lots of grudges and resentment.  So, every time, I feel angry and have some time, I listen to some positive affirmations. 
Narcissistic abuse?
Trauma Support / by Summershy
Last post
 April 14th
...See more Even though it's been many years,  I lived with two extremely toxic roommates.   One of them, which comes to mind was extremely abusive to me.  Some examples: 1. She was extremely controlling A.  I kept pushing a chair onto their kitchen table when it was supposed to be a certain way B.  She passively aggressively hinted that I was living there just to help with chores and bills.  She yelled at me one time while I was trying to watch tv. C. She hinted that I needed to spend all of my time in my bedroom and consider getting a tv.  -She was mad that I wasn't the neat freak that she was D. On a few occasions, when she hatefully hinted that she didn't want me around, she lied about having parties that I wasn't invited. E. Whenever she was in the house or would come home, I would feel her presence.   I would either stay in my room or stay out late at night until she was asleep and then sneak around.  2. She put me down  1.  She put me on a guilt trip one time about not being in the same age group as her and the other girl 2. She and the other roommate's ex-boyfriend both agreed that I was crazy.  (I have an autism diagnosis and tried to hide it). 3. She was manipulative A. She would treat me very poorly when it was just the two of us.   She would also blame me for things.   Then when there were other people around, she would act nice. 4.   She would play the victim 1. I heard her whining to some friends of her, "According to another co-worker at work thinks that I am a B word.  However, I am outgoing and xyz."  2. One time I made a really bad choice and my roommates wanted to hold a meeting.  However, I refused to go because I was scared of her.   Before she left to go out of town, they complained about me and how I was such a bad roommate for this or that.   She also heard it through the grapevine from some other neighbors.   "If that's not bad enough that she's a terrible roommate, she hates my guts."  Anyway if she is a narcissist, what type comes to mind? 
Friend feeling like I crossed the line
Autism Support / by Summershy
Last post
 March 6th
...See more Hi: I live on the autism spectrum and I was told today that the way I handled a situation poorly.    First of all,  I have been carrying a grudge against a fake friend who I went to school with because she has never really treated me very well.   However, I had been in contact with another close friend of hers as we were getting along so well.   Though I had been thinking about reconnecting with the fake friend, I did some thinking and felt that she wasn't very nice to me.   Additionally, I had not spoken with this person for over 12 years since she jerked me around on social media and then blocked me.    In the meantime, I had been talking to her friend who has been getting false information from this person about why she doesn't talk to me.   When this close friend and I first talked, the other person wanted to work on forgiving me. Well, after some time, I had a chance to re-evaluate the relationship and felt like this person was a jerk to me as well as extremely manipulative.    So I wrote her a letter using "I feel," statements in mentioning why and what not.  Well, her close friend came back and attacked me for sending a nasty letter.   She also said that she didn't want to talk to me anymore because I said mean things.  However, this person didn't contact me herself.  When I went to talk about it with a friend, she told me that she said it was not a good idea to send a letter.   This was because this former fake friend and I had not been in contact recently.   She said that it would have been better for me to tell her close friend without overly explaining myself.   Moreover, she said that it seemed like I wrote that letter out of a lot of unchecked anger.   Honestly, I think that she is probably right because I have been mad at her for a while.   However, I am not going to beat myself up for calling out a bad friend for the way that she hurt me in the past. 
I thought that she was my friend
Relationship Stress / by Summershy
Last post
 March 5th
...See more On Friday, I received backlash from someone who I went to school with back in the day.  This followed a letter that I had sent to her best friend, who happened to be extremely toxic and immature.   For instance, her BFF has been a fake friend to me in the past.    She has also been known to stir things up.  Anyway, things seemed to go well between this other "Friend" and me until I confronted her BFF  for the way that she had treated me in the past.   I also put it in the letter that I didn't want to connect with this person because I didn't like how she had treated me in the past. This "Friend" attacked me on my social media messenger last week.   She said that her BFF was accusing me of sending her a nasty letter.   She also said that she was going to choose her BFF over me and didn't want to talk to me anymore.  Additionally, it was "Do not ever send her another letter," and then started accusing me of being unforgiving.    What?  Still, I set firm boundaries with her and decided that she is not a friend. 
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