Moderated by
Jill Kapil, PsyD
Psychologist
I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.
Top Rated Answers
Parents come with their own baggage and dysfunction. Sometimes it ends up leaking all over their kids. Perhaps it had nothing to do with you. Maybe they're trying to live thru you instead of letting you live your own life. You can't make everyone happy and as someone who has made numerous decisions for other people instead of for myself, don't do it. Live your life. Make your mistakes. Be who you want to be.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2018 1:51pm
it is very hard to be the best for anyone but, we can be good for someone.. this require a bit of discipline and commitment.
the good require a bit of sacrifice coz we find pleasure in bad things ...
and really the bad things are more pleasing than the good things. but, the pleasure last for very short span... and we have to suffer later.. and good things doesnt give instant pleasure but it bear fruits later..
and our parents always think and do for our good but we dont find it pleasing.. this makes our parents think that we are not good enough for them...
Anonymous
July 20th, 2018 10:21am
Maybe your parents arnt good enough for you 🙂 they're probably pushing stuff on you to satisfy their own insecurities
First, you need to trust yourself. Treat yourself like how you would treat a friend. Don't be so hard on yourself. Be proud of what you have accomplished so far. Your parents may not express it, but they will always love you. Be the best person you can be! Don't let negative thoughts get to you. Live your life out not for your parents, but for yourself. Ask yourself if you are happy with what you have done.
Because they are not satisfied with themselves. They project onto you their insecurities and as a child you want to make them happy naturally.
You ARE good enough, for YOU. Your parents may or may not support or understand you, but ultimately the only person you are accountable to is yourself. In reality, parents may pressure you and make you feel like you're not enough, but they just want what's best for you, and as long as you're doing your best, that's enough for them and for you.
Anonymous
August 22nd, 2018 11:41am
You are always good Enaugh for your parents, they care about you a lot. They may not show it but they truly do. Every person chooses a different path, but we all end up at the same destination. Success. It doesnt even matter if you are good enaugh or nor, there are people out there who care about you. As do i. I understand how you feel, and in your position i would feel the same. I just hopw that when you leave today that you realizae, that you are not perfect. No-one in this world is, and if you feel uncomfortable go and talk to your parents about how you feel. :)
Anonymous
August 23rd, 2018 2:23am
For this question , I don't want to be rude to your parents . Because it is how the situation is done . But sweetheart you are more than good enough evening if you don't feel like it . You are a gift to your parents and I know you might say no you aren't but you are . And I hope one day you will feel like you are more than good enough for your parents . But you are hun , trust me I have thought many times that I want good enough for my mom but I was and I know not many people think they are good enough because their parents don't really say that they are but you don't go unnoticed .
Often parents have regrets about how their life is going and don't have the self esteem they want or need. They try to get more self esteem through their children. So it might be possible your parents try to accomplish their goals through you. Of course you are not your parents, you are a unique individual. You probably have different goals in life and different ways to accomplish those goals. When these are different than the ones of your parents, you are not fulfilling their expectations. They might show you their dissapointment and frustration. Of course this hurts and it feel like you are not good enough in the eyes of your parents. But the question is: "are you dissapointing them or did your parents dissapoint theirselves?"
Anonymous
October 25th, 2018 5:54pm
If they say your not good enough you should tell someone older you trust or a really Close freind! If you dont have any you can call BRIS! If it's a feeling you just get you should sit down, talk to your parents in a good timing in Peace. I really Think they love you alot! There is Always peopel who is open and care about you, me and many other on 7cups and all over care alot. Dont forget your Amazing, adorible, perfect, nice and cute. Ur awesome just the way you are, never change urself please!
Anonymous
November 15th, 2018 9:34pm
I have always felt that I was competing for my mothers love. She is very materialistic and if you don't have anything to offer her than she doesn't deal with you. She was never a nurturing mother and I think that effected me as I had kids. I never really knew love so I never knew how to give or receive it from anyone. I promised myself to make my kids feel loved and to show them that they have me if they don;t have anyone else in this world. I want to break the cycle and show them love that they can in return show their kids and family.
I think most people feel that way at some point in their lives. Our parents have so many hopes and dreams for us that it can seem like we will never “measure up.†It is also easy to feel like you are not good enough when your parents are upset with you. Remember, just because your parents are disappointed or even angry, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t proud of who you are. Open and honest communication is usually the best way to resolve these feelings. Just remember that your parents can be disappointed in your behavior or decisions, and still love you and be proud of you.
You are good enough. They just want the best for you so sometimes it may seem like they are being critical. They are just trying to save you from any pain or conflict - and maybe in a way that feels like they are going against what you think is right. Let them know that you know they want to help but that the way they are doing it is hurting you. Try to start a conversation about how you learn best and how you would like to talk about things like this. Hopefully, this can restore the positive feelings and support you need.
I think its not that we are not good enough for our parents. lets take it this way, since the day we are born, our parent's sacrifices had started. smaller bigger every kind of sacrifice . Now that we're grown ups, they've started to have little expectations from us. Not like in a repaying kind of thing but yet if we think through their perspective, i think they also want something in return. actually they deserve it. but somehow we fail to give them what they want. and that guilt makes us think that maybe we're not good enough.
in my personal experience, parents just want what is best for you. you aren't necessarily not good enough they just want you to reach your best potential you can be. Parents who are never satisfied with their children's accomplishments are people who are miserably unhappy within themselves, and only seem to want to share their misery by tearing down rather than building up.
They fear their children will outstrip them and leave them in the dust. If their children do more and better than they themselves did, what does that make them? I’d say they suffer from self-hate, and it gets projected on to you. This issue is nothing to do with you, and everything to do with your parents.
You are not to blame. You are not a hateful person. You are loveable.
Anonymous
January 11th, 2019 10:51pm
Your parents need the best for you.It’s hard to deal with parents because of the differentiation of the age and parents will create pressure on their child’s life.Most of them don’t understand what their child’s going through and it’s so hard.It may cause depression and anxiety for the child that’s facing it.Almost 90% of parents fight with their children about grades,actions,behavior and so many more.I can’t give an advice here but all i can say that almost every relation of parents with their childern is bad and have a lot of problems and fightings that may affect the atmosphere of the house and that you should be willing to think how can you fix it.
I don't think you can't be good enough for your parents. They raised you and if you feel unacceptable you should talk to them about it. It might be difficult to bring it up but once you do you'll feel much better. It's probably all inside your head. If you really don't want to talk to them face to face, leave a note saying how you feel and go for a short walk. I've personally found that it's easier conveying emotions through writing. Talking to others face to face about how you feel can be difficult, but sometimes it's necessary. Either talk to them face to face about it, or leave a note for them, but either way, you should tell them how you feel. It's better to get things out in the open than leave things unsaid. I hope I've helped.
Anonymous
January 25th, 2019 3:57pm
Wow this really hits home. Parents often have expectations for us based on their past successes or failures. Either they want the same success for us or they want is to be better than they were. So that we can have a better life. Often this clouds what they see. It won't matter how great you are doing but if you don't live up to the standard of "success" as they know it you are supposedly letting them down. That is not true at all. Objectively and logically speaking as long as you are doing the best you can and you are happy and healthy it is more important than reaching some standard they've set for you.It is a tough situation and truly sucks. But it is important to recognize that you are important and your opinion of yourself matters first.
If you feel that you are not good enough for your parents, then maybe it’s that your parents aren’t good enough for you. No one should ever make you feel inferior to them. If that’s not the case, then it could also be general anxiety. What in your life is triggering this feeling? If it’s a bad habit, is there something you can do to change it? You should never feel less than yourself, nor should you ever have to chance yourself to make others happy. Even if it’s the hardest thing to do, sometimes the best thing is to sit down and ask, “what is the problem?†I hope this helps, and I really understand where you’re coming from.
You ARE good enough for your parents, even if their behaviour seems to tell you otherwise! Parents always want the best for their children, they wish they become successful. In their eyes, their children are the best in the world, and although this vision is meant to be positive, it may raise their expectations… Remember they do love you and that everything they do (even if it seems unfair to you) is done out of love. However, if their expectations rech a point where you start feeling under pressure, you may want to talk to them and remember them no one is perfect, and everyone does the best they can. Also you can tell them that if they want you to become successful and find your way, their support would be very appreciated :)
Anonymous
April 7th, 2019 2:48am
I'm sure you are good enough, you are important and special. Your parents may just have a hard time showing their love to you, or don't understand you. Maybe try to discuss the situation with them and let them know you are hurting. It can be hard when your parents don't understand you and make you feel like you are not good enough, but you are. And you deserve to be happy. Never think that you are not good enough for anyone, because I can promise you that you are important and special and loved. I know it must hurt but things will always get better.
Sometimes parents have way too high of expectations for their children. Some expect their children to grow up and become doctors or lawyers but those are unrealistic expectations. You have other goals in life that your parents simply don't agree with. You are good enough for your parents, it may not feel that way since they have such high expectations for you. Your parents will always love you for who you are and who you will become. You just need to show your parents that even though you will not be a doctor or a lawyer, you will be successful and happy with whatever you choose to pursue in life. Your parents will accept you for who you are no matter what, even though it might not feel that way sometimes.
Anonymous
May 18th, 2019 9:02am
First, why did you say that you are not enough? Did they make you feel that? Try talking to your parents. Tell them how you feel. Explain to them why did you feel that way. I think there is a misunderstanding. The moment you are born, they are already proud of you. You just have to let go your worries. Talk to them. Communicate with them. Don't you ever think you are not enough because you are. You matter to anyone. If not with your parents, I know there is someone who will treat you special. Smile sunshine. Hehe.
A relationship between a child and their parents vary. Not everyone gets on well with their parents and some parents have very high expectations for their children. This can often leave the child feeling like they are not good enough despite their best efforts. This can be very upsetting and harmful to that child as this induces stress and anxiety. It puts a lot of pressure on the child. Perhaps you could speak with you parents and explain to them that you feel you aren't good enough. You may be surprised to learn they feel you are more than adequate.
Anonymous
September 27th, 2019 5:37am
They want me to be someone who's not me. The truth is that it is okay that I follow my heart and be who I want to be. They expect me to be like them, to follow their path, to do the things they have done in the past, but looking at what they did, I figured that it might be the kind of life that I want. They thought that if I have the potential to walk their path, I should do the same. The problem is that they expect me to become someone like them but I am not like them. IT is okay though, I will find a way and live my life peacefully.
You are good enough for your parents. Their expectations for you seem really high, but it is because they want you to reach for your highest potential. They want you to achieve big dreams. (Sometimes they forget their big dreams for you are not the same big dreams you hold for yourself.) Remind them you have your own goals and need to find your own truths. But always know, you're good enough for them - whether they tell you this or not. They are humans too and their flaws and egos may accidentally make you feel less than worthy. That is their mistake, not yours!
Anonymous
October 19th, 2019 5:34pm
That is one way of looking at it, why do you feel this way? Is the reason that you think this die to the way that they treat you. Could you tell me this just for clarification on your state of mind? Are you happy or are you sad and upset with yourself could you please tell me this so that we can help you because you need help to get out of this situation because if you can then it will help us identify your problems. And to help you get back into the road to success to become on the track to life again.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2019 5:44pm
Because they do not measure success as personal happiness, I failed them because of my lack of academia. Their disappointment caused a void to appear, it was of their making for I didn't expect anything of them, just acceptance of what I was and still am. Parents are just close relatives, and there is no reason that should guarantee love and respect. My brother will be a fellow human that respects my views even if our of kilter with his own. My brother actual will not love me because I do not live the lifestyle he admires, so we can see that parents outlooks infect the whole family. 40% of murders are committed by a close family member so I rest my case.
You should think the way that you are not good enough for your parents . They are your parents and they had loved you, are living you and always will love you for who you are. Yes, sometimes they pressure you and push you further you own capacity/limit but they do this so that you can bring out the best within you. They don't hate or dislike you. And you don't have to be good enough for them. This type of question shouldn't even come up in the first place . You are their child had they love you for who you are.
Parents often set very high expectations for their children. They want so much for us, and so sometimes those desires are too much. They think having high expectations is a good thing, but it's really not. It creates a whole lot of pressure for a daughter or son to try and live up to. Parents don't understand how negative and hard this can be. They want us to live a much better life than they did, and so this is how they compensate. It's their problem, not yours. Find friends who don't have those expectations and try not to take it personally that your parents do. It's a lack of emotional maturity on their part.
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