Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?

Because it often gives you a sense of not being worthy of the gift and also engenders the feeling that you are now beholding to them -- both of which make you embarrassed. Receiving a gift gracefully is far harder than giving a gift . And its quite common-- to be honest , I've never mastered it myself ...

I once read that we can only accept the love and gratitude you think you deserve. Could it be that you think that you don't deserve it?

You may feel undeserving of those gifts. However, it is nothing to feel guilty about. People give you gifts because you have earned them.

It sounds like you don't have any self-esteem, which is probably the reason why you feel guilty when people treat you with things. Look at positive and self love affirmations, they'll help you. Don't worry, you can get better at this, you just have to practice loving yourself in order to raise your self esteem

Many people feel that way. It might be because maybe you don't feel as if you deserve them. But you do. Be grateful for the things you get because you're an amazing person.

I used to feel this way too, like I don’t deserve nice things, and through therapy I found that it was because of my low self worth and self esteem. I’ve been struggling with this for a long time and the super cliche advice “just love yourself” doesn’t help. What really helped my self esteem and self worth is taking care of myself, and most importantly making others around me feel loved and happy. When you realize you have the power to make others feel good about themselves, and use it, you will start to feel good about yourself too.

Many emotions such as embarrassment, guilt and anxiety can be experienced when receiving a gift. Embarrassment could be linked to anxiety. You may feel stressed that you will not like the gift and you will hurt the other persons feeling. You may feel guilty due to feeling like you are not worthy of a gift. However, you are worth it and the person who bought it wants to show you that you are an important person in their life.

There might be different reasons for that. It might be that I do not trust this person enough to receive gifts or good deeds from him/her, maybe that person hurt me before so I feel confused about the situation now, or even if that is not the case I don't want to have to return the favour to that person. It might be even the case of feeling guilty if I know I hurt that person in the past. As I said there might be plenty of reasons to feel bad feelings when receiving a gift or good deed.

I hear you, honestly I do to. For me personally it’s because I’ve been brought up to believe that gifts mean that you have done something calling for a person to spend their money on you. The part where I feel guilty is when people spend money on me for things that I have no control over, like holidays and my birthday. It’s just weird.

You probably feel a little guilty because you're unable to do the same, or you don't feel that you deserved the gift or that the person spent their time and energy in a way that may be costly.

I think because there tends to be a feeling of obligation to return the favour at some point which puts pressure and expectation on ourselves.

Sometimes, yes, but it depends on who it is that is buying me something and what they are buying me. For example, a coworker and I have an agreement that we take turns buying each other lunch, so whenever we go out we know whose turn it is to buy. On the other hand, when I am given an unexpected gift from someone, such as a friend or coworker, I feel like I do owe them something in return. As long as the purchase is justified I am happy and take it guilt-free, but I do believe in returning the favor as often as possible.

Sometimes I feel bad when someone does something good for me like when they buy me gifts because I feel like I don't deserve those kind actions. I also feel bad because I sometimes feel like I cannot reciprocate the same action with the same measure. Especially if the action costed a fortune for example if a friend stayed with me when I was sick. In addition to all that, I sometimes feel bad when a person does something nice to me because I will forever owe that person and nothing that I could ever do could ever convince me that I have fully paid the debt.

Often times when someone does something nice for us, we feel the need to return that kindness. When a gift or nice act is done spontaneously it is difficult to return, making us feel guilty as we can't do the same at the moment. The reason you're most likely feeling more guilty about gifts is that they actually hold some form of monetary value; something had to of actually been given to provide this item for you. Another reason is that you can also feel yourself undeserving for whatever reason that may be. Just know that whoever is being kind has solely good intent. ^^

It may be because you feel as if you do not deserve it, that it creates expectations or that you may not be able to do such things for them in return. Maybe you feel that you do not know them well enough for gift exchanging. If any of these things are the reason to why maybe look at the reasons they are giving you gifts or doing nice things for you. Introspection is a very useful tool in answering such questions such as this but if you still feel stuck try looking at it from a friends point of view.

We all have different personality so that the way of thinking.. if someone does good to me.. or wanted to buy gift and all, i start getting feeling like why they are doing this .. I have to do same in return..if i could not do the same for them, may be they are expecting something from his.. All these negative stuff start roaming in my mind .. that makes me feel restless, and definitely i could not enjoy these nice things doing by others .. till i prepared and can say i could do the same for them too.

This question can have a number of reasons. But how about taking a minute or two to really think about what might have caused this? Theres the impression that you feel a lot of guilt when people buy you gifts, so it is worth thinking what could happen if they buy me this gift. Do you think you would owe them something? Or the present would not be good enough? I have had similar situations with friends and boyfriends but what I found was a lot of the time, they were only wanting to do something nice. Could this be possible for your friends?

I feel like this all the time! In my case, it’s because I feel like they are being very nice to me, but I’m not being nice enough back. Does this sound like what you might be experiencing? I don’t think you need to feel like you need to buy them something in return, though. While it would be a nice way of showing them that you care for them, your friendship alone should be enough :) I think that the fact that you feel bad when someone does something nice for you shows that you are very humble, and that you really care for your friends and family!

It can be hard to accept nice things because you feel like you're not deserving or you're just a very humble person, and that's not a bad thing! But you should allow other people to do nice things for you, it's coming from a place of caring and possibly love and you should allow that into your life. So instead of feeling bad (which I know can be hard, sometimes it's just automatic) just practice being thankful. It's one thing to say thank you and another to actually be thankful. If someone does something really nice that means they're grateful for you and want to show their gratitude. Allow yourself to accept these nice things and tell yourself that you deserve it, because you do!

Some people are raised in a way that they should feel grateful and thankful for a gift so as a child being told how to feel and think. As an adult receiving a gift or having something nice done for us that can bring back childhood thinking. Being/behaving grateful and thankful and feeling it are two separate things. Yes we should feel happy when someone does something nice, even if we express that to the giver at the time and then quietly explore reasons why we are still stuck in that negative pattern that we were raised, through meditation and self affirmation this is possible. It takes a life time to heal. No one should need permission think or feel anything a certain way, yet as a child we are told by parents who were on doing their best at the time with the circumstances they were given. Forgiveness is the key

You do not feel comfortable with receiving. There is no right or wrong- it is about acknowledging the feeling in the present and starting to identify the tools to help you conquer it. ask yourself- how do i feel when i give gifts to others? may be it fills your heart with joy- especially when you see that you put a smile on their face. put yourself in the shoes of the person giving you the gift or doing something for you- also ask yourself- how do i truly feel when someone helps me? what is driving me to feel that way? dive deep and peel out the layers to identify the root cause of your behavior and work on it one step at a time.

Sometimes due to our own trauma or self esteem, we feel unworthy of the things others do for/offer to us. It is important to remember that gift giving is a love language and we are all deserving of love. Typically, when you do go out of your way to do something for someone, or when you give a gift, why do you do it? Does it feel like a burden? Dose it make you happy to give? Chances are some one did something nice for you, or gave you a gift because they love you! Accepting it is ok!

Perhaps you do not think, in some deeper way, that you are worthy of the gifts, even though you have clearly earned them through your actions of care towards that person. However, this can be hard to decipher if you feel that the gift if unwarranted or is being used as a bribe of some sort, whether for your attention or time. This can be confusing to the psyche. This can be manifest by your feeling bad when someone does something nice for you, especially if they buy you gifts, if you do not believe that there is reciprocality in the relationship. I hope this helps.

I can relate and often feel the same way. I have found a unique sensitivity which I feel makes me an empathetic person. However, when people do things such as give me gifts I feel guilty. I've dealt with this all my life, and while I love to give gifts and do things for others, I don't particularly like the idea of someone else giving their time towards me. It was almost a matter of not believing I'm worth any time or effort being put towards me. Christmas, holidays, and birthdays can be rough times for people who feel this way. It's not that we're crazy, but while everyone is different we can observe reflection within ourselves to see what we can change, or do better. Much love, joyfulMemories21

Hi there! I'm glad you asked such a great question. I believe this also goes to many people out there who also feel like this. From my experiences, I believe it is the fact that we don't want anything or expect anything from you and when you get a surprise, it makes us feel bad about not getting them gifts or making a big deal about those things. It can be that you value your friendships or relationships and their presence is the best gift. When others physically and directly appreciates you, that makes you feel like. you should've also done it too.

Taking a step back to access yourself can be helpful. If someone gives you a gift, be grateful! They did this out of love and that says a lot about how they view you! Learning to love yourself is a process. It doesn't happen overnight. Self love and compassion takes practice but it's well worth the work. Being kind to others comes easier then being kind to yourself. You are just as important as the ones you love. Putting time aside for self care and self love is a daily practice that shouldn't be ignored. Becoming your most authentic self is a lifetime achievement award! Love you like we love you!

Maybe because you feel that you should have gotten something for them in return since they went through the trouble to get you something

Maybe you believe that you don't deserve it, or you feel guilty because you believe you don't do enough nice things to others in turn.

Perhaps because you feel embarrassed to be worthy of such nice gifts? :) Or that you start questioning whether you should get them a gift as well?

You may have not a very high self-esteem, so you do not believe you deserve it. Working on accepting yourself, and loving who you are may help with the acceptance of gifts.