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Why am I so shy around big crowds, but when I'm with one friend than I'm fine?

304 Answers
Last Updated: 05/25/2022 at 9:01pm
Why am I so shy around big crowds, but when I'm with one friend than I'm fine?
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Top Rated Answers
wonderwall92
September 29th, 2019 9:38pm
I think most of it comes down to you knowing the boundaries and limits of your friend, his humor and what kind of actions and talking topics he or she is comfortable with. With strangers at least I just can't quite point my finger at what they are like as a person, if we can connect or share similar interests and thoughts and values. Therefore I do not talk in big crowds, more than 3 persons really, because I do not want anyone to think bad of me, because I generally suffer from low self-esteem. It is worse when I know the person gets along well with my friends, because then I know I should too because we obviously are not too different from each other.
Muttley56
September 13th, 2019 10:58am
It appears to me you may feel some anxiety and stress when you are around a lot of people. It sounds like this could be the case because sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed when I am around big crowds of people. I believe with large crowds there is much noisier than when you are with one friend. When you are with a friend, he or she usually speaks with a lower tone of voice. Another possibility is you could possibly be setting yourself up by worrying that you will react negatively to a large group of individuals and the noise they create.
Anonymous
September 11th, 2019 8:53pm
You might just be an introvert, but it can also be a symptom of social anxiety. For either it’s very common to be uncomfortable in large crowds, especially when you are around people you don’t know. Yet you can be completely fine with either just a couple of people, or around people you’re close with. I am an introvert who has anxiety and I feel the same way. I’m completely fine at family get togethers, or when I am around my close friends.. but I avoid places like town, and I can’t go to things like festivals for example, because I don’t do well with crowds, especially of strangers
Anonymous
August 28th, 2019 5:36pm
it could be that you are not comfortable in a crowd especially when they are mostly strangers or people you are not close with. it could also be that you are not confident enough to make yourself heard. as it can also be social anxiety. all of the above applies to me and believe me i'm a little cocky goof around my close friends and a very reserved person in a crowd. as if i have a dual personality.
Anonymous
June 21st, 2018 11:50am
You must really trust your friend and realize how much you can be you without being judged, but knowing that it's alright to be yourself can help a lot
Anonymous
June 23rd, 2019 5:52pm
I consider myself to be a quieter introverted person and can relate to this. I think for some people it is normal to feel drained around larger groups of people as a lot of the time they are competing to talk over one another, I find that coming back from a social gathering I need to recharge my batteries and have some alone time. 1:1 you can focus all of your energy on the person you are talking to and get to know them on a personal level without feeling over whelmed. Some people are just better at listening than talking. I know I am! I am also not a fan of small talk and you can't really get to know someone well when being in a big crowd. Don't worry you are not alone!
PellaG
June 22nd, 2018 7:28pm
I am the same way. When I am with 1-2 people I am fine but in crowds I am very shy. I tend to think it is because I don’t like people touching me or being too close to me.
Anonymous
June 6th, 2019 6:39am
It sounds like you might be experiencing social anxiety or be an introvert. Feeling shy or overwhelmed in large crowds of people is common to experience for someone with social anxiety and is nothing to be ashamed or worried about, plenty of people are introverted or have anxiety. Being with one close friend at a time rather than a large group is less stressful and makes you feel more comfortable because there is less pressure being with only one person. Sometimes spending individual time with each person before being with them in a group can help you warm up to all of them in a group but it’s different for everybody. I hope this helped clear some things up
TheCuriospher
May 31st, 2019 3:42am
Hi! Often, when we are within a large crowd, we are surrounded by strangers who don't know us. Because they are strangers, we feel vulnerable. One type of reaction to vulnerability might be withdrawal, which could display itself as shyness. However, when spending time with one friend, we feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable around them. These types of friends are the types that share personal history with us and may have shared their vulnerable moments with us. Since there's a shared history between you and a friend you feel comfortable with, there's trust between you two. Trust is what's necessary for people to feel safe and secure around others. When we trust people, we feel like they have our best interest at heart. What this means is that being with one friend makes us feel safe and secure because we know that if anything were to happen, they are they to help and protect us in some way. When we are in a big crowd, and we're not with one friend, we lack that sense of security and trust, and thus we feel vulnerable, which may lead to shyness. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!
HeyDude126293729
April 5th, 2019 1:58am
I have this same feeling. I know exactly what you mean. I think it is because you are scared to show them you. You are afraid to be judged. Dont be. Just be the real you and if they dont like you then that's on them. Your friends are some of the best people in life. They are the ones who like you for you. So when you're in crowds just be you. Who knows, you could find more friends. And if they dont like you for you then that's their problem. The best thing you can be is yourself. Dont be someone you arent. Just be you. It will be best for you and everyone around you.
Anonymous
June 27th, 2018 11:34pm
You're probably shy around big crowds because you don't know anyone and then you're fine when you're with one friend because you know that person, so you're comfortable.
loveysanchez
July 1st, 2018 9:30am
It’s sometimes really hard to be around a big group of friends. Overwhelming I can say. Start small with 4 or 5 friends
TranquilJoyer
July 1st, 2018 9:53pm
Usually, that would mean you are an introvert, a person who prefers one on one time will people, and not with large crowds.
Anonymous
March 13th, 2019 2:39am
It is just a type of social anxiety. This is a very common issue for introverted people. It can be very overwhelming to be in large groups of people because you do not know the people around you and what they will do. There is much less predictability in a large group, and it would be exhausting to have to interact with and get to know all of those people. When you are with just one friend, it is someone who you already know, trust, and feel safe around. It is a low pressure, comfortable, familiar situation. . .
enigmaticForever38
August 12th, 2018 4:20am
I think the most likely reason is that when you're with your one friend you don't feel like you're being judged so you have no reason to feel shy. In a big crowd you become more self-conscious because you want them to accept you so you're more reserved. You might also have social anxiety.
Anonymous
July 13th, 2018 11:29pm
You might be experiencing anxiety or stage fright. A lot of people feel this way and it isn't rare. You could also be comfortable with your friends but not with a large group of strangers.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2018 12:22pm
Well when we are with friends, we feel more comfortable to be ourselves because they accept us for who we are. With crowds, that's a whole other story.
Anonymous
July 19th, 2018 7:51pm
Being shy around big crowds can be caused by anxiety or a phobia but when with a friend you know the person well and feel comfortable and confident around them
lexisspace
July 8th, 2018 4:38pm
Our friends or the people around us who make us feel safe are usually easy to shine around. However, when in big crowds you don't know who is there or what anybody is thinking or plotting, you may feel like people are judging you or like anybody could be potentially dangerous. This is common, and it seems like you're experiencing some anxiety.
Allears247
July 25th, 2018 10:25am
People are harder to read in a crowd. Its much easier to evaluate a persons expressions when its just one or two people vs. twelve of them.
felixthecat
July 26th, 2018 2:12am
Crowds, especially of strangers, make many people uncomfortable. Taking deep breaths and focusing on the people you know is helpful in crowds.
thoughtfulSnowflake
July 26th, 2018 11:45pm
We often find big groups to be daunting. If there are many people, especially if we don't know them very well, it feels like we have an audience, and the attention is completely on us, and when people are busy talking to other people we can feel too intimidated to start a conversation. When we're with just one friend, there's a 50:50 chance that you have to start the conversation, meaning that it's easier to talk to them because starting a conversation is usually the hardest part. It would also be more awkward if nobody said anything, and you don't feel like you have an entire audience, as there's just one person there. One thing's for sure, and that is that this is completely normal; many people prefer small groups of less than 3 people than large groups, and it's completely okay.
Anonymous
July 27th, 2018 2:51pm
It may be social anxiety, however, when you're with your friend, you're closer and more comfortable with them than a big crowd of acquaintances or strangers.
Anonymous
August 1st, 2018 12:37pm
I fully get what you mean by this . The reason for this is because you and your friend are fully cormfortable around eachother . And I’m big crowds you don’t really know anyone.
Mitapreeth
August 3rd, 2018 2:45am
Have no fear, you are so not alone in this. When I'm with my friends, I can be super confident and laugh a lot and be generally merry, but put in a room full of strangers, and bam. I've turned into a sad little muffin who avoids eye contact at all costs. I feel like it's because I trust my friends not to judge me. I know they're not going to look at me and say "She is such a loser." I feel safe with them, like nothing can touch me, because I know they have my back. Lots of people, however, even people I'm acquainted with, can cause me to freak out that they're all silently judging me, or only pretending to like me. I feel like a lot of people have this issue, but try not to worry about it. Chances are, people are not trying to pick out your every flaw.
Anonymous
August 9th, 2018 5:59pm
Sometimes being around a lot of unfamiliar people can be nerve-wracking and uncomfortable, they are strangers and therefore you might not know quite how to act around them, thus making you uncomfortable. When you are with one friend, on the other hand, they are a familiar person, and you know how you can act around them without offending or hurting them.
phosphenerelief
August 10th, 2018 5:14pm
Often this could be a form of anxiety, such as social or agoraphobia - it feels like there's too much attention on you and therefore too much weight to your words. Plus, you may feel like you don't know some of the people that well and therefore are concerned about their reaction to whatever you say. It is completely natural, and thus find relief, compassion and confidence in the reality that almost each and every individual in that crowd probably feels the same nervousness and anxiety.
Anonymous
July 5th, 2018 6:54am
Sounds like it could be social anxiety. You may not be comfortable around all of those people and your one friend may be the person you are comfortable with.
LivingInAbsoluteSilence
July 4th, 2018 11:05pm
For me, at least, crowds are just overwhelming. There are so many people that can judge me, dislike me, and what not. When I'm with one friend, I know I'm not in their way or third wheeling. I know that they actually want to spend time with me. With a crowd, I don't have that reassurance. "They probably don't want me here; I should just go home." is constantly playing in my head when I'm with a crowd. Even if I know in my heart of hearts that that's not true, it's still there to worry about. That's my reasoning for being shy in a crowd, although it may be different for others.
Anonymous
December 23rd, 2018 6:21pm
When you are around big crowds people usually feel shy because they’re alone and in need of Simone’s company. When I’m all alone I feel like everyone is starting at me and talking about me but when I’m with a buddy I feel confident and always good about myself. When I’m accompanied by someone I feel like I can act myself and do and say anything. I think to get over the shy part something I do is I use dark sunglasses and I feel much more powerful and as if nobody is even looking my way, I hope this helps