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I regret breaking up with my ex. What should I do?

239 Answers
Last Updated: 04/20/2023 at 10:17am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD

Psychologist

I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
GeorginasRayoflittleLight
June 13th, 2020 12:00pm
Remember why you broke up with them in the first place. When you've done that, ask yourself whether this reason is still worth it. Did you break up with them in that moment because you were angry?, Have they really been a good partner to you?. If you find you had a good reason to end thingsss, there's no need to be regretful, youve made the right choice, and things may hurt right now but they wont hurt forever. However, if you trult think youve made a mistake ending things, then talk to your ex as soon as possible, I think there's still a lot to talk about.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2020 6:42am
Breaking up brings a whole lot of change inside your life . It feels like your life has gone upside down. But what you need to remember are the reasons why that happened. Something must have happened that triggered you to go ahead and breakup. Things become difficult after we break up. Our day feels empty, it feels like we have got no one we can share our stuff with. These reasons make you said and prompt a rebound. Understand you're sad over the changes it brought in your life not because the breakup was a wrong thing to do. And whatever happens just be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. Cook yourself great food, watch movies, talk to your friends. The best way to move on is to invest maximum of your time in constructive things. Hope it helps.
KyleStyle
June 24th, 2020 5:35am
It may be best for you to think about why you might be feeling this regret for breaking up with your ex. Once you think about the reasons why you may feel the feelings of regret, it is also as important to think about what were the reasons you decided to break up in the first place. I'm sure there was a reason that you made this decision. What was that? When you have that reason in your mind, I say it may be a good idea to gauge how these two reasons work with one another. What I mean by this is, you had reasons to break up with your ex, however now you were feeling regret. Were those original feelings justified? Do your feelings of regret cancel out the decision you made to break up in the first place? Think about these two questions, they make give you some insightful answers.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2020 3:39am
Thank you for sharing. You are being thoughtful about this decision. What do you regret specifically? What made you break up with your ex in the first place? How did you feel while breaking up? What problems were popping up? I would listen to what your heart says and what your head says and compare the two. What are you hoping your ex would respond? What is the worst case scenario? It sounds like you might be feeling guilty and want to retract ending the relationship. Who are you feeling guilty towards? I know from my own experience that relationships are complicated and can get stressful, but it's important that you consider yourself as well. In relationships, we learn more about ourselves--our strengths, weaknesses, ways of loving, and we grow through them. How did you feel while being in that relationship? How do you feel without the relationship? How have your friends, family, and loved ones responded? What expectations have been met by your ex? What expectations did they not meet? If you were talking to a friend worried about their relationship, what do you think warrants ending a relationship?
ces101
July 25th, 2020 10:48am
as what they say 'never get jealous when you see your ex with someone else, because our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate'. Yes, making choices in life is not that easy sometimes you have to think not just twice but a hundred times. Regretting breaking up with your 'ex' might be one of stages to overcome with the trials. First, you must try to think the reason why your 'ex' leave you? 'did you a reason to make that person broke up with you? or vice versa'. If it's your fault then let go because sometimes no matter how hard you try, people leave. and it hurts, but you have to let them go. People aren't something that can ever be locked up. If they choose to walk away, they will- no matter what. We have to accept that breaking up with someone doesn't mean that you don't love them anymore. sometimes, it means that you love them enough to let them go because you want them to be happy and you realized that you're just not able to be happy together. all you have to do is endure the pain, be happy and love.
Aiyananolen
July 31st, 2020 9:33pm
When you think about this specific question, ask yourself, is he worth it, was he worth my tears, and was he there for me when i was there for him. If all the answers to those questions were no, then drop him. Move on girl, we only have one life to live. Go out and celebrate, this is a celebration. Show him how much he’s missing out, show him that you didn’t need him and that he needed you. You are so beautiful and gorgeous girl, you should’ve dropped him ages ago. Just think of it this way, he going down while your going up. Show him what he’s missing out on girlie!!
clairasienna
August 12th, 2020 12:49am
I would kindly and honestly give them a call or text telling them how you feel and that you miss them. (Try to stay genuine and self-aware about the fact that you may come off like your bored and in need of somebody random.) Try to show them that you are being serious and that they didn't do anything wrong and it was a mistake on your part, not theirs. I would apologize for any hurt you may have caused them in the process because breakups can really hurt somebody.
comfyshell7
October 16th, 2020 4:52am
It's understandable to feel regret after breaking up with a partner. If you have someone close to you that you can talk to, that may help. If not, feel free to reach out to someone on this platform; there are many qualified and compassionate volunteers who would be happy to listen to you. Otherwise, try practicing some self-care; read your favorite book, go for a walk outdoors, listen to your favorite songs, etc. Taking the time to focus on yourself will hopefully help you begin healing & will allow you some time away from thinking about the relationship or give you the space/time to think about the experience from a different perspective.
Anonymous
November 12th, 2020 7:23am
Remind yourself of all the reasons you broke up in the first place. Was it an unhealthy relationship? If not and you still feel this way, try having a sensible conversation with your ex to find out whether they feel the same. It is possible you just don't like the change- being with them will have become something you're used to so you are starting to question yourself and doubt that you made the right decision. If you are sure that you regret it for the right reasons, then start by seeing if they are willing to be with you again. If they are not, then you should set off on a new path without them, and realise that you can be happy without them.
Anonymous
November 19th, 2020 1:38pm
I believe you should journal your feelings and think about what went wrong in the relationship so you know how to move forward. Along with maybe talking with your ex to see what went wrong. For all you know a few months down the road yall might get back together and your relationship will be stronger. I firmly believe if a break up happens that time is the best to work on yourself so you can better yourself. Every time when I have a breakup that is what I do. It makes my next relationship a lot better the next time around.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2020 10:23am
Maybe try talking to someone about how you feel. You might just be feeling lonely and if you act on these emotions you might end up regretting getting back with your ex. Talk to someone you trust about how your feeling and if you think you should get back together then talk with your ex about their feelings and see if you can work it out.
Anonymous
November 26th, 2020 12:43am
You should talk to your ex about it. If you regret breaking up, then talk to them. The best way to do anything is to just communicate. Communication is the key to any relationship even the ones that are broken up. Also, if it was a mistake on your part, tell them that you are sorry and you regret everything that has happened. If it was a mistake on their part, be willing to accept their apology. If it was really meant to be, then you will be together no matter what. And if you two weren't meant to be then that's fine too! You just have to find someone that you are meant to be with!!! And you know that you weren't meant to be when you grow old and gray together with little to no problems!
Anonymous
March 3rd, 2021 7:04pm
It is natural to have occasional regrets in life. Regrets are an effective way of learning from our past actions. If you regret breaking up with your ex, it may be a good idea to start thinking about why you regret it. Identifying reasons that decision was not optimal for you can help you see what outcome would have been optimal, so you can determine what steps would have been needed to obtain that outcome. In the future, you can deliberate on what outcome you want prior to making a life-changing decision, and lay out your potential options for reaching the desired outcome, so that you have less of a likelihood of making decisions you regret.
8cupsofwater
March 11th, 2021 9:07am
Do you regret breaking up with your ex because you genuinely think your relationship was healthy and worthwhile or because you miss them emotionally? Romantic relationships are one of the most intimate bonds you can form with another person and detaching from them will inevitably hurt. Not all strong bonds are healthy, and you can certainly become comfortable in an unhealthy relationship and not know it or not want to leave because it will hurt. But in the long run when your emotions no longer cloud your judgement you may look back and realize that you made the best decision.
Anonymous
March 17th, 2021 10:54pm
talking to the person you recently broke up with about how you are feeling is usually the most affective thing to do. but also talking to friends and other people who knew about your relationship might help you by giving you advice on what you should do to either move forward from the break up or figure out how to start talking to your ex again. sometimes even if your relationship was bad you can feel regret after you break up with them just because you were with them for so long, and it can be hard to understand why you regret leaving a toxic situation
PerfectPie15
April 9th, 2021 4:52am
It’s important to do what you feel is right. Even when we are clouded with emotion, we made these decisions for a reason. Do what ever makes you happy. Our own mental and personal health must be paramount. It’s also important to remember that we are human, we have emotions and all our your emotions matter and are valid. You can always talk to me or any other listener on here and we will always be there to listen to you. I hope that you figure out what is best for YOU. I believe that you are strong and will make a great decision. Take care!
Anonymous
April 29th, 2021 3:22pm
Try to recall the reasons that you chose to break up with this person. I was in a very toxic relationship when I was younger and I knew it was the right thing for my own physical and mental health to leave, but as soon as I broke up with him it broke my heart. I felt like going back even though I knew it wasn't right for me. Remember your worth so much more than a relationship that makes you anything less than happy! Focus on doing positive things that remind you of your worth and make you happy being you!
LetsCherishLife
May 12th, 2021 8:57pm
Well I only see 3 options here (which doesnt mean there is no other) that would be 1. accepting the decision you made and getting over them, 2. trying to get them back or 3. involving them into the discussion if it would be an option to try again. If you say you regret it and you do it enough to come and ask here then you might not want to leave it untried to get them back. After all you don't have them now and what do you have to lose apart from wrong illusion that would come with certainty that could help you get on. If you contact them either to directly try to get a new chance or just ask if they would be willing to grant you one I think it is important to be accountable to them as you might have really hurt them by breaking up. If you didn't do that when you broke up I would make the reasons for the breakup transparent and (if true) explain that it didn't have to do with them but with you being unsorted and making a wrong and impulsive decision which you now regret. Do as well explain why you regret it now and how you want to make sure not to make the same mistake again. They might say no but then you know you have to go on and can look for ways to do so. Yet after all it is your decision as you know yourself as well as the other person better than anyone else here.
luuk30
August 28th, 2021 10:30pm
I think this very much depends on why you regret breaking up. Do you regret it because you feel alone or doubt your decision? Or do you specifically miss your ex and think you made a mistake breaking up? If so, what made you break up in the first place? What made you change your mind? I think these are important questions to clarify for yourself before you decide if you maybe want to reach out to your ex again. If you realize that you broke up for good reasons that still apply I recommend trying to find out why you regret the breakup. Otherwise you could try to reach out to your ex again and ask for an open and honest conversation.
dostoyevskyr123
September 4th, 2021 4:24pm
Breaking up is difficult. You fo through a wide spectrum of emotions, it can be a roller coaster, But taking actions when you feel regret or guilt is not good for you or the relationship. Relationship or interactions should help to feel at peace in the world. So before you take the next step its better to ease your mind using some mental gymnastics or just take a light stroll. Its important to objectively reflect on how the relationship. And then ask yourself the important question, whether its worth patching up or its better to move on. Uncertainty can be scary, but walking through it and overcoming it will make you stronger and help you love yourself.
Anonymous
November 27th, 2021 3:06am
Make a pro and con list to figure out why y'all are right for each other and why it maybe best to go your separate ways. That can help be a deal breaker. Do you miss them because you feel tied to them or because you feel as though they are your equal? Sometimes break ups help us to understand what we need out of a relationship and what we don't need. Don't beat yourself up. Relationships are not perfect nor are they easy. It's a learning process for all of us. However I do ask of you to look into the reasoning behind why you broke up with them.
LainOnline
December 16th, 2021 12:08pm
Breaking up with someone is something that can very often happens impulsively. It’s important the first thing you do is really take a chance to reflect on your relationship with them. And definitely think about what the breaking point was and if it’s something you can fix. Once you consider all this and they’re open to taking you back, confront them and really sit and talk to them about it. If a break is needed, see it as an opportunity to think about what you want out of this relationship. Your mental health and happiness should be no. 1 priority
stellaglaze
January 6th, 2022 8:27am
If you're feeling regretful or second-guessing a choice like dumping an ex, taking some time to think about why you made that decision and why you're changing your mind is super important in making a final choice moving forward. A really helpful tactic may be writing down a pro's and con's list so that you can clearly lay out whether you made the right decision or not. Also, talking it out with a close friend or a person in a neutral position can help you with getting your ideas out and helping you to figure out how you really feel.
OpenEarsFriendlyHeart
February 23rd, 2022 9:33pm
Think about the reasons you broke up with them? And write them down with examples. Sometimes regretting a breakup is due to feeling lonely after having someone around for so long. Im assuming you didnt break up with him because he left the toilet seat up. You have got this, is it hard to move forward? Yes but its one day at time. and as i always say "look where your going, not where you have been." Start a hobby to fill the time, plan things with friends, anything to keep you busy and moving forward such as setting yourself a goal. You have this. Every day is a new day!!
CarolineEmily01
April 7th, 2022 6:38pm
If you are absolutely sure this is genuine regret to the point you’d consider getting back together, I’d take the risk and put yourself out there and be honest. At least that way you’ve opened your heart to the truth and you know where you stand! If you haven’t already I would heavily process this feeling of regret and discover what is driving the feeling and what it is that you miss, wish you still had in a partner and remind yourself of why you broke up in the first place and weigh that information against each other. Good luck!!
Naya6315
May 5th, 2022 10:44pm
Breaking up with an ex is a bittersweet moment in life they may cause you to feel regretful but also relieved depending on the relationship. If the relationship was toxic and cause you severe problems in any part of your life I believe you should take the steps in accepting the breakup and beginning your healing process. If your relationship was more on the healthy side may be reaching out to the ex to get some closure on the breakup can help you. Breakups are hard because you get so use to having someone around that when they are not there anymore it is a hard change of events. But always remember that breakups are not always a bad thing.
Anonymous
May 25th, 2022 9:21am
Why do you regret it? Run through your reasons for ending the relationship, and if you feel they were inadequate reasons, then give it some time, and try talking to your ex again. Try explaining what you feel and that you might like to re-try this relationship. However, keep in mind that often feelings of doubt are normal both during and at the end of a relationship. Given some time, you might feel more confident in your choice, if it's what you really want. I'd suggest exploring your own feelings first. Why did you end the relationship? Why do you now regret it? How would your ex feel if you wanted to talk to them about it? Sorting through your emotions surrounding this is important in figuring out what to do. We can't tell you exactly what to do, because that's for you to figure out. Hope everything turns out okay.
FlyingHighAndLow
June 5th, 2022 12:25pm
That's tough to answer without knowing the context. However, in a nutshell, if you regret it, it might be helpful to express it to him/ her. But of course, it all narrows down to also how you feel about expressing it and how you can, to whatever extent possible, anticipate any reaction and how you might reach to a reaction, be it positive or negative. The other way could also be trying to focus on why you broke up, take a step back and evaluate your decision. Sometimes, when we let go, we regret the loss. But taking a step back and evaluating the decision framework behind the step you have just taken, might help you to see the bigger picture and might help alleviate the regret. However you may face this feeling, I hope you feel better soon.
gracefullhand
April 20th, 2023 10:17am
Feeling regret after a breakup is a common experience, and it can be difficult to know what to do next. Here are some steps you can take: 1. Take some time to reflect on your feelings: It's important to process your emotions and try to understand why you feel regretful. Are you missing your ex, or are you just feeling lonely? Are you idealizing the relationship, or do you genuinely believe that you made a mistake? 2. Be honest with yourself: Before you reach out, be honest with yourself about your motivations for wanting to get back together. Are you hoping to fill a void or do you genuinely believe that you and your ex have a chance at a happy, healthy relationship? 3. Take it slow: If your ex is receptive to the idea of getting back together, take things slow and focus on rebuilding your connection. Remember to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and concerns. 4. Consider seeking support: Going through a breakup and the subsequent feelings of regret can be challenging. Consider reaching out to a therapist or support group like 7 Cup of Tea, to help you process your emotions and navigate the complexities of getting back together with an ex. 5. Consider reaching out to your ex: If you feel like you made a mistake and want to reconcile, it might be worth reaching out to your ex to express your feelings. However, be prepared for the possibility that they may not want to get back together. Ultimately, the decision to get back together with an ex is a personal one, and there is no right or wrong answer. It's important to take the time to reflect on your feelings and make a decision that is right for you.