When I'm angry, why do I always feel the need to hurt myself?
316 Answers
Last Updated: 03/20/2022 at 8:30pm
★ This question about Self-Harm was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
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Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT
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Top Rated Answers
Hurting yourself is a tell tale sign of anger. You may be feeling an enormous amount of emotion but have no release.
When we're angry, we tend to want to channel our anger. It might be that you're blaming yourself, and that you want to punish yourself. It's never healthy to hurt yourself, though, and it would be a good idea to try to find some other coping skills to use when you feel angry and have urges!
Anonymous
June 19th, 2015 3:17am
With Anger comes rage , and rage can make us do a lot of things that we can soon regret. So its important to sometimes take a deep breath count to 10 and then rethink the situation.
Anonymous
January 8th, 2016 6:41pm
Sometimes when you become angry you start to feel numb and the only way to stop the numbness can maybe be to hurt yourself. It is a way to stop the numbness. A bad way at that too.
because its away to deal with the problem, when you don't have healthy coping mechanisms,
you can do different ways to deqal with it
Anonymous
June 24th, 2015 3:26am
Because we tend to internalise our anger and think that we need to be punished somehow for feeling that way.
A lot of the times when i am angry and want to hurt myself its because i do not want to hurt anything or anyone else
Anonymous
January 13th, 2016 7:08pm
Sometimes people would rather take out their angry emotions on themselves rather than hurting other people that they care about. .
Because it is hard to express your emotions sometimes and can end up blaming yourself for the tricky emotions.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2015 4:10am
For some people, holding in their anger doesn't work for them. They feel the need to express it, whether verbally or physically. Sometimes they express it outwards, to others or objects, and some express it towards themselves, through self mutilation. most of the time because they feel like they deserve it and the only way to feel better is to harm themselves, whether its by cutting, burning, throwing up, starving themselves, or any other way. If that's how you do it than you are not alone, but there are people out there who want to help you because it will get worse it you don't try to control it.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2015 4:45am
It releases endorphins, they cause a sort of high. It makes you feel relieved. Instead of hurting yourself, perhaps try punching a punching bag or screaming into your pillow.
Self-harm can cause the temporary release of a neurochemical that relieves stress (but then it fades)
Anonymous
June 18th, 2015 7:57pm
I always had a really hard time accepting my anger and taking it out on myself seemed like an outlet that wouldn't hurt other people. So I do know that in my own case, over time, I taught myself that the only place to take out my anger was on my skin. It turned my anger into physical pain and physical pain is something that I knew how to deal with.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2015 11:43pm
Whenever we are angry or agitated, some of us need to feel some sort of release. Therefore we turn to coping skills. Sometimes, we may turn to negative ways to cope such as hurting ourselves. This is completely normal. The way we can resolve this is to come up with positive ways to cope with our emotions, and there are a TON of things to do. Check out the 7 Cups "Managing Emotions" Self Help Guide. https://www.7cups.com/help-managing-emotions/
Anonymous
December 7th, 2015 4:49am
I cant speak for anyone else besides myself. But a majority of the time Im angry is over something stupid I did, or some mistake I made. "me" is the common theme for my anger. And most of the time I become angry at myself I feel the same way you are.
Anonymous
June 25th, 2015 7:05am
Anger is a natural response and so is hurting yourself with this emotion- it simply means you care enough not to hurt those you may love although different alternatives should be in place to avoid hurting yourself.
Well it is a type of coping strategy. It is common to feel that way, and a possibility to redirect that anger. Hurting yourself, in some people, releases endorphin and gives a sense of relief. Which could explain why it becomes a cycle and they keep hurting themselves. There are many reasons to start, and if you already have, their are guides to manage those emotions. Journaling negative emotions at that time or taking 5 minutes may help to control those urges as well as activities like art and exercise. There is always another way.
Hurting one self when they have intense emotions is one way we cope with things. In my opinion it shows that you don't want to hurt anyone and you care deeply enough to not hurt someone.
Anonymous
September 29th, 2019 4:47am
for me most of the time it's relating about my family issues when i'm angry or sad i have the need to feel pain so i would scratch or choke myself while i harm myself i think of ways to kill myself and how no one would ever care if i were to die cause i'm so frustrated. that makes me feel good because i like self pity, it brings me joy and pain at the same time. this intense emotion of sadness hit me but i like it. when i feel like this i can't seem to shake the thought and urge of harming myself away
maybe because you are angry and feel the need to hurt something, and feeling the need to bring physical pain to yourself to cure your anger
Hurting yourself can be a form of addiction. It is best if you talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist. But if you can't, please find me or another listener to talk to. Many of us understand what it is like. It's not easy, but we can beat it.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2015 8:59pm
From experience, we might feel this way because we're used to keeping things in, and we don't want to get them out on someone, even if they're the reason we're angry. So the negative feelings build up and we feel the need to relieve the pain in some cases, or punish our selves in others. It varies from person to person. Hopefully one day everyone will find a way to cope with anger and other unpleasant feelings in more constructive ways. Be safe everyone.
Some people see it as some sort of outlet. A way that they can control what they are feeling. Maybe you are one of them. You just have to learn to control your anger.
Anonymous
October 13th, 2016 12:58pm
You feel angry but mostly from yourself. Things that triggered your anger may somehow be connected about you.
Anonymous
October 12th, 2016 10:28pm
I think that for a lot of people, the pain distracts them from whatever is really bothering them. For me, it wasn't really like that, but more of a stress release so that I could focus on something that wasn't hurting me so much. I felt a lot more emotional than physical pain.
You may feel the need to hurt yourself because when you do, a hormone is released inside you. It can become addicting. It also gives self harmers temporary relief. I do not recomend hurting yourself, as it can become addicting.
Anonymous
July 1st, 2015 3:58pm
It is like another way of telling yourself, "This is my punishment" or "It is better to hurt myself than others."
Sometimes when people feel angry and they don't think it is acceptable to express that anger outward, they will turn the anger inward and self harm.
Because you feel like you need to punish someone for your anger, sometimes it is ourself, because we don't understand how can we get so angry all of sudden.
Anonymous
July 1st, 2015 1:40am
Self-harm is an unhealthy way to cope with overwhelming emotions. It can bring us back into the real world, and get us out of our heads. However, there are other methods of dealing with sadness, anger, and anxiety that are actually beneficial, such as journaling, meditating, exercising, etc. If you ever even feel the need to hurt yourself, tell someone trustworthy, and see what you can do about speaking with a mental health professional. Hurting yourself is not an answer.
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