Can or should I ask my significant other to stop talking and to not associate with his ex? If so, how?

I think this is a very personal decision and everyone will have a different opinion on it. Personally, I do not like when my partner is still talking to an ex. It makes me feel like they aren't over that relationship. I think it's important to be open about how you feel if it's hurting you, but it's hard to ask someone to stop talking to a certain person. I don't think that can ever be taken well. I might ask you this instead - do you want to keep dating someone who does talk to their ex? Or would you prefer to find someone who isn't?

If this is greatly affecting your mental health and your relationship it is understandable that you wouldn't want them to talk anymore. I think firstly you should think about why this is bothering you - is the ex giving you reasons to believe they may want to cause problems in your relationship? Is your s/o someone who would keep in touch with an ex if they are on good terms or is this unusual? I've had the same issue with my boyfriend and I think the best thing to do is tell them exactly how you feel. If you trust that they wouldn't do anything unfaithful to you, explain that it the case but you cannot control the anxiety and negative feelings it brings you, and this is an issue you both must tackle rather than you just trying to get over it.

You can’t ask them or manipulate them or extort them into not talking with their ex. You can state that it makes you feel uncomfortable, and why, and also try to do some insight on why it makes you feel that way for real. For example, Hey I wanted to talk about something, I can’t ask you to stop seeing anyone I just want you to know whenever you see/talk with your ex I feel ____________________ because I think _________________. (And maybe something likely) I know it might be my insecurity and nothing bad might be happening I just wanted you to know how that makes me feel. But again, whoever you associate with Its your desicion and I respect that. That’s it don’t constantly repeat yourself, yes may be necessary to repeat it sometimes but not every day. Sometimes it’s hard to cut off someone even if you want to do if he’s trying just give him a bit of time. If he seems not to care about it then he’s not the one. Either you snap out of it or look for someone that thinks like you.

Simply stated, "yes". "Honesty" is crucial to the the success of any relationship. It is common for exes to remain friends, and if that portends to be detrimental, then it should be addressed; it would be unfair to all three of you if the issue is left to simmer. While the answer and logic behind it are easy, having a conversation about this issue, however necessary, will vary by partner. This issue is such that you took the time to reach out to someone who will listen ... have you listened to yourself? Yes, it is an issue, but what is your understanding of it and what about it bothers you? Ask yourself why is it imperative that he stop talking to his ex (i.e., is there too much contact, however innocuous?). Also, is timing an issue? And will there be any repercussions? You are the only who knows all of the variables, so framing the issue appropriately so that you are comfortable and relaxed going into the conversation may keep the conversation focused and lay the foundation for a productive conversation. You owe it to yourself and to him to tell the truth, and holding back only harms your relationship. Present your concern tactfully showing why it is an issue that needs to be addressed; he has a voice, too, remember, so listening is just important on your end.

Being assertive is your best choice, being assertive means there is a balance in power in the conversation while also making it go as well as possible. you can do some of this by letting your Significant other know how you are feeling about them talking to their ex. for example, 'I feel angry that you are talking to your ex because I am concerned this will affect our relationship'. by saying this you are being honest (not brutally) and telling your partner how you feel. They are likely to have empathy and are more likely to understand. Good luck!!

If it is something that is bothering you, you should tell him. The key for relationships is communication. Sit down with him and calmly express to him how him talking or associating you to his ex makes you feel. He should be able to understand and to take action about it. Tell him how and why it affects your feelings so he can understand the situation. Do not keep this to yourself, as it is going to still keep bothering you and both partners need to be able to feel comfortable in a relationship. Good luck and take care!

I think that is a fair boundary to set/ask of someone. I know some people don't mind it, but I think if my boyfriend was always hanging around with his ex, I would feel pretty uncomfortable. However, it can be a tricky subject, because it can imply some amount of distrust from you. I would try to express to your significant other that even though you trust him, you don't feel very comfortable that he talks to/associates with his ex. It's important that you each respect each other! Also keep in mind that if his ex is part of his friend group, it might be hard for him to stop associating with that person without ditching all of his friends, so maybe compromise and ask that they not hangout together one on one or not text each other one on one.

It is normal to not want to be compared with another person and especially when it concerns love stuff. You can express this to your partner by making him understand what this makes you feel (Maybe angry or jealous or insecure in your relationship) also you can show him that if you used to do the same he won't appreciate this neither and will probably ask you no to do so. I think that sometimes people act without thinking and without imagining their selfs in your position to know if their actions will hurt or bother. But don't get angry or mad without trying to crearly express your emotion to your partner

I don't believe this is the smartest move. You can ask directly to stop talking or interacting with his ex, but: a) if there's something still going on under the ashes of their previous relationship, stopping him won't prevent him to think about her and b) if there's nothing going on anymore, there's no reason to put limitations to his genuinely friendship relation. Only you can know the answer by listening to him and talking with him about what makes you feel deeply uncomfortable. Also work as much as you can on your self esteem to be even more powerful in a good way.

I guess it depends to what extent they have contact / communication and if there are children they co-parent? If not, I think its pretty reasonable to ask for your partner to not disrespect you or your relationship by continuing to be in contact with his/her ex. If he/she wants a committed trusting relationship they should understand that this can be disrespectful and even hurtful and ultimately undermines trust (which is a MUST in a relationship). Again it really depends on each individual relationship but if there is no ties there (other than they are now exes ) then yes i think it wise to say it to your partner.

It seems to me that the more important question here is "why?" Relationships are built on trust, and talking or hanging out with an ex is often seen as a breach of that trust. This is certainly so in committed and monogamous relationships. So the first question I would ask myself is, "Why does this bother me? Am I feeling a lack of trust? In my self? In my significant other?" Once I have an answer to that, I would bring that result to a conversation with them. This way it's presented not as a demand or even a request, but an opportunity to strengthen the relationship. By understanding why each of you is feeling and acting a certain way, you might find what you want to change, or you might find there is no need :)

i feel that this is a very controversial topic! some feel that it is okay to keep in contact with exes whilst some feel that it is not okay to keep in contact. either ways, if you're uncomfortable with the idea of your SO talking and associating himself with his ex, i think it's important that you let him know and let him understand your point of view. both of you might not be very comfortable with it, but both of you should be able to develop a strategy plan that's workable for the both of you. being in a relationship requires both of you to work as a partner. all the best! (for me, i'll just let me boyfriend knows that i am okay with him talking to his ex, provided that he has to be absolutely transparent about it).

Well, first of all, you shouldn't impose your thoughts on the other person. However, transparency in the relationship is extremely critical. Hence, your other half should know how you feel about it. Choose your words and the time to communicate this to him or her. Don't make it compulsive. Be prepared for a disagreement and always remember that trust is the essence of any relationship, hence knowing about his or her thoughts is equally important. In my opinion, possessiveness is normal in any relationship (sometimes healthy too). This shall become much better as you mature in your relationship. Hope you have a great relationship full of trust and love.

I don’t believe anyone has the right to demand another person stop communicating with another person, particularly the opposite gender. It is acceptable however to communicate your concerns or problem associated with their communication and then the problem can be addressed by all involved. At times, this could be an uncomfortable conversation but it is better to be said as soon as possible so not to cause unwanted anxiety. Anxiety can lead to animosity toward the other person and they may not even be aware there is a problem. By expressing your feelings straight away this anxiety can be avoided.

It is always better to give each other personal space. But without knowing both ends or the story giving an advice could turn out wrong. We are here to help you make the right choice. I'm sure if he loves you truly he wouldn't cheat on you. One must never shove ones own interests onto the others face. It would do more harm than good. But you can express that you dislike him speaking to his ex. If he still do continue don't force him. And if he do continue it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you either.

If the person you are in a relationship with does anything that makes you uncomfortable, bring it up as soon as possible. Present it as a problem you can solve together, and don’t cast blame. It can also help to have a discussion on honesty, where you both hopefully agree that it’s better to confront the issues rather than hide them. This leads directly to talking to their ex. Emphasis that you don’t want them to start doing it behind your back because they don’t want to upset you. It is also worth thinking and talking about how your partner would react if your roles were reversed.

I don't believe that anyone should be stopped talking to anyone, do you maybe feel that you don't trust your other half? I guess it entirely depends on the context of their conversations- some people just stay friends with some exes, and thats okay. I don't think it is okay, however, if their conversations are crossing a line, perhaps being too intimate, I can certainly see how that would make you want them stop talking to them. If your partner is frank and honest with you, hopefully that should be completely fine, otherwise, you need to talk to them about the way they are conducting their behaviour. We should always trust who we are with.

If your significant other talking to his ex makes you uncomfortable, you should talk to him about it! I suggest approaching him in a calm manner and simply tell him about how this makes you feel. Expressing your emotions and thoughts with him will help him to understand your position. I was in your shoes once and after talking to my significant other, he understood how I felt and have stopped talking to his ex since. It understandable why you feel uncomfortable about him talking to his ex and you have a right to feel that way! The most important thing right now is to just let him know and work things out from there.

Having ex's around should only be under specific circumstances, for example, children or reasons that require them to keep in contact. Apart from that, no ex's should still be around, especially once a new relationship is beginning with another person. To bring up the conversation, I recommend talking to him or her about the ex in a calm manner. If you present the issue angrily or annoyed, he or she might get defensive, defeating the purpose of your intentions. Ask and explain how it makes you feel if that person is selfish enough to not think about how you feel with what you are doing. That would explain a lot of that individual. and maybe reconsider.

I understand feeling uncomfortable with your significant other talking to their ex still, Instead of approaching the issue as though it needs to end right away, try to approach it in a way that expresses how it makes you feel. For example: Hey I know you are you talking to your ex but it is really bothering me and you are now with me it makes me feel insecure, and I would appreciate it if you didn't talk to them as much. In this situation you want to express your feelings, instead of wanting control. This way your significant other can feel impower too

First of all, I think it is better to ask yourself "How does this situation of your significant other talking to his ex make you feel?" "What makes you feel that way?" "Are those feelings under your control that you could learn or do something about them to lessen them?" I understand that most of us wouldn't feel comfortable to know that our significant other still holds some connection with his/her ex while being with us in the present. It is important to choose the appropriate approach to talk about this. After you come up with the answers from above questions, you could maybe try to focus on communicating how this makes you feel to him. Remember that he has full right to decide what he wants to do about this, it is not our right to tell others what to do because that could lead to resentment from your significant other in the long term. I think once you communicate using "I-statement" and focus on telling how you feel without judging his behaviour, he might be more willing to understand you, situation, consequences and decide later what he can do or at least explain to you further to lessen your discomfort.

On the question of whether you can, or are able to - this would depend on how comfortable you feel in terms of the possible reaction it might bring about. Otherwise, bringing up a topic should not be a cause for concern in itself. To the matter of if you should, well, ultimately you as an individual have the right to decide what your boundaries are. If it's an issue for you and not shared, then perhaps a compromise can be reached. Relationships demand a certain amount of patience, sacrifice and problem solving to be worthwhile after all. Ask and be sincere in reaching a compromise, or deal with the internal confusion this causes - either way it's important to take a decision and move forwards.

If it's something that bothers you, yes, you definitely should bring it up. You can't force them to stop talking or associating with their ex but they should stop if it's something that's bothering you by themself. If even after clearing explaining that it's something that you don't like, they waffles and tries to go on an obtuse angle or try to make you feel guilty or get defensive, take some time away to think about the relationship. Do you really want to be with someone who values their ex over you? Think about it for a while. Don't phrase it like a command when you tell them, phrase it like you're explaining your feelings. "Hey, this has been really bothering me, could you please not associate so much with your ex?..." is a good way to start. You've got this.

It is necessary to set reasonable boundaries within a relationship. I believe a discussion should be held with the significant other, with you expressing your discomfort with their friendship/relationship. Your emotions matter, and having a partner who is still close with their ex can be intimidating and confusing. I don't believe you should 'demand' they stop talking to their ex at once - rather express how their interactions make you feel. It's unfair to tell your partner what to do - as it can be controlling, but they should respect you in return and strive to be as fair as possible, too. Keeping contact with exes can make someone feel very nervous, anxious, and scared. It heightens the possibility of cheating.

In a relationship, it is important to set personal boundaries, If what your significant other is making you feel bad (sad, worried, jealous... or whatever it is you feel) you should totally let them know in a calm manner so that you can discuss it together. But, perhaps, whether your SO actually stops talking or associating with his ex is something you both have to decide as a couple, I don't believe it is something you can ask him to do unilaterally. So, my advice is to talk to him about how this makes you feel and come to a mutual understanding about what to do about it.

Communication is always the key. You know this situation and you significant other better than anyone else, so think what could be the worst and the best case scenario if you share your feelings. It is always better to talk things through. With talking, you can see the other persons real intentions with you. Remember, if communication doesn't work, always think what's the best for you. Ask yourself if you feel comfortable with being associated. Understand if that is a big trigger in your relationship. After reviewing these questions, act accordingly as your heart says. Always remember that first comes your wellbeing. Try not to think about what the other person might feel like. Someone always is going to feel different about your emotions and acts. Of course, you shouldn't be rude. Just speak from your heart. I hope this helps! If anything, let me know!

You should be worried about an ex when your partner is defensive or secretive about their communication or the nature of their conversations. If you have a gut feeling about your significant other's ex, then you have every right to tell them how you feel about it and tell them that you don't feel too good about it. The relationship ended for a reason and if they start talking they might rekindle the romance if it didn't end too badly. Don't hide the fact that it bothers you and that it makes you insecure so that it has been known and if your S/O still doesn't validate your feelings then they are wrong.

You have the right to ask your boyfriend not to talk to or meet with his ex. I think there will be many ways to deal with it, but I recommend the one that in my opinion is the most effective.. You should make a direct remark to your boyfriend. Make it clear how you feel and suggest that your boyfriend shouldn't meet his ex while having a new lover, which makes anyone feel insecure in the relationship. If he brings up his ex even when he recognizes you're sad, you should rethink if your boyfriend really loves you. I say, if he cares about how you feel, he shouldn't talk or associate with his ex.

I believe that you are always able to ask anything that you want because it's something that you desire. In the case of asking your significant other to disassociate with an ex, it's not wrong to want them to. If you choose to do so, however, perhaps sit them down and start by telling them that you love and trust them. Explain your feelings as to why you want them to stop and ask them along the way if they understand or have any questions or concerns. At the end, if everything is said, you can give them the open option as to whether or not they want to stop, but for your own heart and mind you wanted them to know your feelings.

Thank you for reaching out! It is hard to say whether you can or should ask your significant other to stop talking and associating with his ex. There are reasons both for and against it. Firstly, it can be a red flag or warning sign if a partner is controlling of who their partner sees or hangs out with, as it can be isolating and lead to unhealthiest in the relationship dynamic. Further, your partner should be able to decide and consent for themselves who they spend time with. If your partner spending time with their ex bothers you, or is in some way harming the relationship between you, you should examine why it bothers you and why your significant other is willing to engage in that type of behavior. If it bothers you, does your significant other know it bothers you? If they know it bothers you and they do it regardless what do you make of that? Are they really someone you still want to be with? This is where thinking about your boundaries can be a great way to reflect. You may want to reflect on your general expectations from relationships. Consider talking about the issue with your partner first, before making any decisions on whether you should ask them to stop talking to their ex. Ask yourself if it bothers you and why, and share those answers with them. You may want to reflect on whether you want to ask if your partner they knew how you felt about them interacting with their ex. Do you feeling like asking them if they feel it's important for them to keep talking to their ex and if so why. Try to come to a decision as a team about what is best for both of you. A relationship takes two people to work, not one! There are support organizations relating to relationship stress such as OneLoveFoundation and Relate.