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1willowwisp
586 M Embraced 4
PathStep 44 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts37 Forum upvotes32 Current upvotes32 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2019 Member sinceDecember 15, 2018
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Secrets of my mind
Journals & Diaries / by 1willowwisp
Last post
 December 24th, 2018
...See more I used to write alot years ago. It always seemed to help to get my thoughts on paper. I found this forum and thought it would be a good way to maybe get some input from other people, their thoughts, maybe advice. Who know's... welcome to my mind, the paths are a little twisted. I know I need to do something because I feel like I am losing my freaking mind. My head is so screwed up right now. My emotions are just all over the place. Today it's more resentment and sadness. The holidays are soon, I've been trying to get my father to come to my house for christmas dinner, it's only the 5th year in a row I've asked. Every holiday I ask...Easter, Thanksgiving, 4th of july. Nope, no can do. The reason, my mother is my neighbor and he doesn't want to see her. Even though she's not coming to the dinner. I get so angry at her because this IS her fault. She left my father after 32 yrs of marriage for another man. So my parents hate each other. Why they stayed together that long is beyond me, it certainly wasn't for the "kids" as there is only me. And well, I have heard that if it hadn't been for me , well, they would have never gotten married in the first place. She makes jokes, to me, about why he doesn't want to come. "what is he afraid I'll be sitting with a shotgun?" Her latest is to inform me that I've been replaced by his new girlfriends daughter. Which I can't help but wonder about that, because he goes to her school for morning breakfasts and musicals. He never did anything like that for me. All this does is reinforce what I've known and felt my whole life. I am not good enough, I'm not pretty, I'm not supersmart with an amazing job. I don't have anything physically wrong with me, other then the scars. I can't help but think, they shouldn't have had me, I just took up space and their time. I didn't ask for them... Thank you for listening
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