343Spark Member Profile

...See more My ex girlfriend and I had been together for 3 almost 4 years. We were the power couple that everyone thought was going to make it for sure. We rarely fought, and often handled the situation through simple conversation. We both suffered from depression and anxiety, but were always as supportive and caring as we could be. We had started planning out our future together, and had heavily discussed moving in together next year. Now the relationship wasn't perfect, I insisted on trying to "solve" her depression, and she felt like she couldn't help me with mine. I was depressed often, and shut down and didn't communicate with her. I had some emotional baggage from my emotionally manipulative/abusive ex that I unknowingly brought into the relationship, which turned into emotional dependency on my girlfriend. With both of our final semesters of college and exams and other stressors in our lives, the last few months had been really tough on our relationship, but we still held on and tried to be there as much as possible for each other. We had talked about the situation and both acknowledged that our communication and support had begun to decline, and that we needed to improve on it if we wanted to continue to make this work. Suddenly one day, her communication basically stopped almost completely, and being so overwhelmed myself, did the same. She eventually came back around, but I wasn't able to so easily. She said that she was tired and was going to bed, but she hoped I was doing ok, and that she loved me. I didn't respond, and the next morning, I was woken up with the dreaded phone call "it's over" she said. This wasn't the first time we had broken up for the same reason, emotional dependency and lack of communication caused us to take a month long break at the beginning of the year, but things improved and got better, but we had recently fallen back into our rut. Even though this isn't the first time, it feels like it may be the last. She's gone out of her way to unfriend me on all social media, and remove all the photos of us (80% of her posts were of us). Now she's been posting about how horrible men are if they are emotionally dependent on their significant other, and how exes are horrible. Some mutual friends say that she's not really as over the relationship as she's making it seem online, and that she's still struggling mentally. She's "seeing" someone, but that she's just using him for physical support, and doesn't really feel emotionally attracted to him. She asked for no contact while we "figure things out on our own", but said she'd need "closer to 6 months, not 6 days" when I asked her about it. It's already been almost a month, and I've been taking steps to better myself (opening up and being more honest with people, reaching out, therapy/medication), but I still feel so hurt. I miss her so much, and I hate that my depression ruined the relationship (again). She was the best thing to happen to me, she was so loving and supportive, she was my best friend. It's been really tough to not reach out and try to talk to her, but I know that would only make the situation worse. My plan is to write her a letter of accountability (accepting my issues and shortcomings in the relationship, and show that I've been working on being in a better place) and send it over Christmas break, but I'm worried that if I reach out sooner than she wants, it'll push her further away. We had the next four or five years of our lives planned out together, and now that she's gone, I just feel so lost.

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