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AJayZa
3,516 M Seeking Light 2
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts39 Forum posts86 Forum upvotes70 Current upvotes70 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2018 Member sinceApril 21, 2018
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I'm most likely going to get a lot of hate for this..........
Newbie Hub / by AJayZa
Last post
 October 17th, 2018
...See more Hello. My name is Arielle and, I believe in the Holy Bible. Before I say anything else, I will make this clear: I DO NOT HATE THE PEOPLE WITHIN THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY. Although, I do not agree with lots of the things that they do. Yes, I do believe that God made humans to be a certain way and that queer is not one of them. Yes, I [disagree with] some of the things that LGBTQ+ people do but, I also say the same for people who curse or, are gluttonous or, get drunk, etc. So, the point of this is, hi. I'm Arielle and, I believe in the Bible and, if you hate me then, I'm sorry but, yea. [MonBon edited for Guideline 1: Offensive Content [https://www.7cups.com/forum/SafetyKnowledgeat7Cups_181/CommunityGuidelines_1374/ExpandedForumGuidlines1OffensiveContent_167938/]]
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I'm so sorry. I wish I could love you.
Depression Support / by AJayZa
Last post
 July 21st, 2018
...See more I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I thought I loved you. Turns out I never did. You deserve someone who isn't just obsessed with you but, loves you with all of their heart. Someone who isn't afraid of you and doesn't want to avoid you. Someone who doesn't just want to be friends because they're afraid you will break their heart. Someone who doesn't run away and, wish you lived a million miles away. I wish so badly that I can be that person for you and, knowing that I am not, rips my heart to shreds. I don't know how I convinced myself that I loved you for so long, blind to what I was truly feeling. I thought about you day after day, week after week, month after month but, it isn't enough, you deserve more. You deserve someone who isn't afraid to give their entire heart to you. I feel horrible right now. I feel so selfish. I don't plan on texting you back, I can't handle the shame. I thought I was crazy about you. Turns out I was just crazy. Even though it will hurt to even look at you, realizing what I have done, I would still love to be there for you. I still want to be your shoulder to cry on, I would still love to know everything about you if it's even possible. I'm sorry. I want to love you but, I don't know if I can. Whatever. It doesn't even matter. I don't deserve you anyway. I'm sure you wouldn't even go for a confused, sensitive girl like me anyway. Idk why but, even if you didn't feel the same way, I still would want to love you but, I can't. I'm sorry.
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I like having depression.
Depression Support / by AJayZa
Last post
 June 14th, 2018
...See more I really like having depression. I feel like it protects me. It never lets me down. I'm afraid that one day it will just go away and, I will be happy, I will achieve my goals, I will find all the things I have been looking for but, then I will be pushed right back into my dark corner. I don't want to experience something that I may not always have. I hate being let down. I'm such a hopeful person and, having lots of hope sucks because I am putting myself in jeopardy of being let down, which always happens and, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of giving people trust, which also gives them a license to hurt me, which they use. I'm tired of those little gleams of confidence coming only to be washed away a second later by an ad on TV or, a girl at my school. I HATE being vulnerable. I like being depressed. It never sets me up for failure because it never gives me a chance to be brave and actually be open to failing. It protects me from going deeper into the darkness and, I am thankful for that. I know this may seem stupid but, it's true.
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Dear Fellow Human Beings...............
Depression Support / by AJayZa
Last post
 June 3rd, 2018
...See more Dear Fellow Human Beings, I'm sorry that I exist. That I am different. That I'm a freak. I didn't choose any of this. I wish that I could be like you all: Smart, strong, beautiful people. I wish I could change but, I can't. There are so many things racing through my mind at once. So many feelings that I hide. It's all so overwhelming. Most of the time, I can't even tell what I'm feeling, all that I know is that I am feeling a lot of things at once. I'm sorry that I'm fragile, confused and, introverted. I know that I will get absolutely nowhere in life. Life is moving to fast for me. Everyone else is either caught up or ahead. I'm extremely far behind. I will never grow up yet, I find comfort in my little bubble full of depression and loneliness. It makes me feel safe. Even though I know it's destroying me more than it's saving me, I'm afraid to leave it. I'm afraid of stepping out of it, only to be pushed back inside so, to avoid this, I just stayed curled up inside, away from facing my fears. I make no sense. I overthink everything. I'm afraid to trust yet, I always do. You could shoot me 200 times and, I would forgive you and stay by your side. Maybe that's because I'm a sad human. Maybe it's because I think of other people as beautiful gems who always deserve to be treated with care. I know that I am stupid and that my standards are too high. I'm sorry that I am a hopeful person. I hate being hopeful because having hope can lead to being let down yet, I'm always hopeful. I'm just sorry for everything. I wish I could take it all back. I'm sorry. Sincerely, Arielle
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