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AddiG
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PathStep 134 Compassion hearts68 Forum posts29 Forum upvotes29 Current upvotes29 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2016 Member sinceJune 22, 2016
Bio
I like to read, mostly YA stuff though I do like some historical fiction and anything by Margaret Maron or the late Michael Crichton. I like movies but I'm kind of picky, I don't like super vulgar movies. Anything with a dinosaur is definitely going to have my attention ( I LOVE all the Jurassic Park movies LOL). I like photography and editing ( hence the pic lol). I tend to have days where I'm very social and bubbly and active then days where I'm very down on myself and I can't see why anyone would care to care...I'm looking to find a middle ground in-between there. So that's me.
Recent forum posts
My vicious cycle
Depression Support / by AddiG
Last post
 July 19th, 2016
...See more I thought I could get off my medication when it was going well and ( surprise surprise ) I took a major hit. I quickly fell back into my patterns of snapping at others, getting very angry very quickly, seeing the worst at all times and having no motivation or happiness or want to do anything. My Hubby didn't understand how I could go from so happy and great to so terrible from something as small as the absence of a little pill in my life ( he comes from a family that does NOT understand mental health issues AT ALL). This only hurt the problem of course and made me feel worse for needing to have that pill to enjoy life when "we have a great life" and I don't know...I feel really bad right now and I hate that I have to have medication. I hate my children have to see their mother take medicine to be happy and enjoy life and I hate that I'm this person right now. I'm normally such a strong person, like....confidence of ten thousand suns type of person but lately I've taken so many hits and I feel like I'm so low and I'm struggling with so much. I feel so guilty for having to take those pills now, like I'm a terrible person and a terrible mother which I know is ridiculous...I'm an educated person..I know depression is a medical thing...I know it's a chemical imbalance and this isn't me and I can fight this but I've been fighting it for so long and I really thought that maybe I had beat it and now I'm wondering if I'll ever beat it and maybe its not depression and what if it's something worse? My family has a history of Bipolar and I've been terrified to find out that what if I too have that? And if I do....what will my husband think then? If he doesn't understand Depression and Anxiety how in the world could I ever expect him to understand Bipolar?? I don't honestly know why I'm typing this...I just..I don't know...I feel like someone out there might be able to relate. I know that what I'm doing is helping myself for the future...I do know..it's just, right now I feel like no matter what I do I can't win and that this is a never-ending fight you know? I'm having family stress, I can't find work, I have migraines, money problems because of the lack of work and of course all of this is piling on and causing extreme stress which causes anxiety and depression which my husband just does not get because "we still have a great life" which we do, we just bought a home, our children are healthy and I understand that....which makes me feel guilty all over again for feeling depressed...it's like a never ending vicious cycle.
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