My name is Amber I'm 37 yrs old, my dad raised my sister and my self, my mom was in and out of our life's till after he died, first time I smoked crack was w my mom at age 18. Then my dad died and I lost it and spiralled down hill after that. I moved in w my mom, but before my dad passed he would sneak us his pain pills he became paralyzed one day after he woke up and walked to the bathroom and fell on the floor and couldnt get up, he had abscess on his spine, having a taste of pain pills got me hooked, my ex and I found his brother dead, and that's when I actually moved in w my mom, I actually started going to Drs offices I needed to go to. The gynecologist gave me surgery from interstitial cystitus and gave me kolotopins to insert in my vagina, then I was perscribed Percocet, Vicodin, topamax, and gabapentin, that didn't take long before I was using heroin, the was in severe car crash where my face hit the windshield and ripped my nose off almost completely. It was hanging on by one side. They life flighted me and gave me reconstruction surgery on my nose, and they were giving me fentanyl and morphine in my iv and I fell in love w that; it didn't just take my physical pain but it took my emotional pain away as well. I was on that for 5 yrs and went to jail for 5 days and my daughter's ended up moving w their dad to Texas and I'm in Ohio. And I planned on getting out and staying clean I was over my withdrawals. But I found out I no longer had my daughters, I stayed clean for about a month and started shooting heroin. I was on that for 10 yrs. I ended up oding and messing up my short term memory a few yrs later. Then oded again a few months later and I got possession of heroin and was on probation. Well that's when meth hit my town huge and I have an addictive personality already and I liked Adderall so I tried it. I ended up going on the run from probation cause I couldn't pass a piss test and I already failed 5 of them. So I left Findlay and started staying in a motel 20 mins out of that town. Started selling meth, and got raided. Well I went to prison for my possession of heroin for 18 months I got out and was in a halfway house for a yr got a job and was doing so good. Then I got indicted for the meth charge they found in my room at the motel, I was still in the halfway house at that point, when I completed that stint, I was done w that charge, but was looking at this new charge, well my whole family who lives in Florida came up here for my oldest graduation party last summer and they are all addicts and guess what they brought meth with them so I shot up a half a gram at once and by the time I went back home I prolly shot up 2 grams in 3 days and hadn't slept. I am polyamorous btw, at the time I had 2 boyfriends and one girlfriend, I was living w my girlfriend one the one boyfriend they have never used drugs ever, other than weed. They knew something was up I was hallucinating and talking all crazy, I told them I would never use again, but after I was charged w the meth charge I've been doing meth at least almost every weekend. And it's ruining my life I just want help to make me realize I don't need drugs and I am enough. I am bi polor tho, have PTSD and my anxiety is getting out of control, loud noises never use to bother me but sudden loud noises use to not bother me but no it makes my skin crawl and makes me jump everytime I hear a loud noise. I have no emotions at all, but that's been like that since my dad passed in 2009. I just want relief from my chronic pain and my mental health and also ambition to want to better my self, also motivation to do so as well..