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ArchieAnonymous97
17,647 M Progress Road 5
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts216 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2020 Member sinceMay 25, 2017
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Breakup is difficult so far
Relationship Stress / by ArchieAnonymous97
Last post
 November 17th, 2019
...See more I've been struggling lately through a breakup that I initiated. There are times when I feel I made the right choice, but plenty of other times when I just plain miss her. Here's the situation: This girl and I met a little over 4 years ago in college. We've been friends ever since. In December 2018, we started talking about dating, but I ended up turning her down for personal reasons. She got into a new relationship, and we lost touch for a while. In April 2019 she started flirting with me again because it turned out the relationship she was in was very toxic (the guy was sexually harassing her). She broke up with him in June of this year, and that's when we started talking about dating again. I suppose I'll go into the good parts of our relationship first. I think that we were pretty compatible and had plenty of chemistry (intellectual, physical, spiritual, emotional). We both think a lot of each other. We are quite different in many ways, but also very similar in many ways. I trusted her, she trusted me. I supported her, she supported me. She seemed willing to do anything for me. But our relationship was far from normal since the beginning, and things just continuously seemed to not work out for us. Here's why: (1) She lives in a 2 bedroom apartment with her ex. I know what this sounds like, but I do believe that she remained loyal to me during all these past 5 months. I told her at the beginning (in June) that she should get out of that apartment, but she did not seriously consider it until October. She's trying to get out now because he has been very toxic and borderline psychotic towards her in his jealousy of me. I never understood why this was not a priority for her from the beginning, especially if he treated her in the way that she claims, but I gave things a try anyways. (2) We live an hour and a half away from each other. This alone is not bad, but I couldn't visit her 95% of the time while her ex was there. She also got to a point where she didn't have a car, so she couldn't visit me. Our visits became more and more rare, and our relationship towards the end consisted mostly of texting, phone calls, and video calls (not at all bad things, but eventually I felt unfulfilled by it as we went longer and longer without seeing each other in person). (3) I am recently graduated from college, and she has one more year of it. The timing of us dating was obviously not good because we basically started as soon as I graduated and moved back home. I also have no idea what my next big life step is because I was not wise in preparing for post-graduation life during college. (4) Family and friends don't exactly approve of our relationship. While I think this girl and I are fairly compatible, others who have looked at us don't feel the same. The people closest to me in my life have mostly advised against this relationship. Their opinions have honestly weighed very heavily on me. Ultimately, due to all these things, I told her that my heart just wasn't in the relationship anymore and that I needed to let her go. I care so much about her, but whenever I would think about pursuing the relationship, I just became stressed and felt overwhelmed. She recently tried to have us take a break instead of break up. I stuck to my guns, and she got upset and started lashing out at me, saying I've just been using her, that I'm being selfish. That hurt a lot to hear her say those things. I hope she does not actually mean them. I suppose I'm looking for advice or support during this time. It's hard, but I'm trying to believe that I made the right choice. I really hope that we will have another chance in the future to give things a try on a clean slate when things are not so crazy, but I know I can't count on that happening.
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