...See more
I never truly fell in love until last year. This Brit girl came into my life and we became very close, I never felt such a level of compatibility with anyone else in my whole life and I was there for her at a difficult time and these things ended up creating quite a tight bond. In February 2025 I flew to London to meet her. We kissed, cuddled, did things couples do (honestly the highlight of my life). Shortly after, she told me she only saw me as a friend and apologised for leading me on. Months of hot-and-cold behaviour ensued: sometimes lovey-dovey (wanting hugs, sleeping on video calls), other times cold (telling me I shouldn’t love her).
We met again in the summer at a friend’s place in Czechia and that was the last time I saw her IRL. After that, we went no-contact to avoid hurting each other further.
I thought that was the worst of it. Then in November I found out a close friend of mine — another Brit, whom I had introduced to her — had been going behind my back while I confided in him. Eventually he ended up with her. She had left my circle of friends and ended up self-isolating; coincidentally he was the only one still around, you can guess the rest. Worst part is we had talked about this months earlier, and he promised he’d never do something like that. So 2025 ended with betrayal on top of heartbreak.
It's so difficult for me because it took so many things to make me fall in love and in 27 years of my life I never felt enough compatibility to pursue anyone, then she happened, just as I was accepting I might end up alone. She gave me a sense of purpose and a level of compatibility I never felt before. Now that she’s gone, it feels like the world has ended, and I can’t imagine finding again that sort of connection and feeling that everything fell in place exactly the way it was meant to be.
I can't stress just how compatible I felt with her, this comes from someone who preferred turning down a few girls in the past, simply because I knew I wouldn't be able to love them because they didn't speak to my heart and I didn't want to waste their time. With these premises I feel like I'm doomed to live my life alone because I'm already 28 and I could click with someone for the first time only after 27 years. I don't have 27 more years to hope for something similar to happen again. So you can see why I feel the way I feel.
It mattered so much to me and I had so much love to give. I worked hard for this, I lost 20 kg in 6 months and worked on becoming more confident and active for her sake, but she never gave me a real chance. Instead, she chose a guy my age who wormed his way in. It sucks, and I feel so hopeless.
I started therapy (although right now I've been rerouted to a clinic for longer term needs and the queue is 2 months, part of why I found 7cups, I'm a newbie here) and I picked up martial arts going to the gym three times a week, which helps grounding me and it's probably the only positive aspect in life right now. Still, I’m on autopilot, this barely feels like life and more like day-to-day survival. I have zero hope for the future and can’t imagine things ever feeling okay again, let alone finding someone who could make me feel the way she did.
It really just sucks and I don't understand why all this had to happen in such a meaningful way if in the end it collapsed so fast and she didn't even want to give ourselves a proper chance, am I that bad? You can also imagine how my self-esteem floundered throughout the last year, not that it was incredibly high even before.
Because it's just not a matter of having lost her, I reckon I somewhat came to terms with that; it's the humiliation, the betrayal and the loss of meaning attached to it, as well as the fact that now I seriously can't believe I'll ever manage to be as happy as back then.
I apologise for the rambling, I'm feeling blue and not exactly looking at structure and punctuation right now.
