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Arrowmama131618
324 M Embraced 3
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes22 Current upvotes22 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2022 Member sinceMay 28, 2019
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Family
Family & Caregivers / by Arrowmama131618
Last post
 May 26th, 2022
...See more I had a large falling out with my bio dad the night after my gallbladder surgery. We had been texting all day about random stuff. He brought to light some things that he felt needed to be addressed and I was happy to oblige. He's notorious for drunk texting me at 3am telling me how horrible of a mother I am for living a life he doesn't agree with, how my husband and I choose to raise our family, etc. The fat fact is, that family sacrifices everything they can in order to "keep up with the Joneses". I have never fit into their mold and while I lived with them as a teenager they manipulated me until I conformed to their lifestyle (my hair wasn't allowed to be pulled back, I was only allowed to wear Hollister, or other name brand clothes, couldn't even talk to my mother and they alienated me to the core about my mother, etc). When I left my dad's at 15, he completely stopped talking to me. I didn't even get to maintain a relationship with my siblings because they were "always busy" when I would ask to spend time with them. When I had my first child, they were in our lives for a bit. They would even watch him. The comments and alienation never went away. When I got married, we lived 2 blocks from them and they completely stopped talking to me again. Always too busy, etc. I learned recently from one of my siblings it is because my husband is "too much" (my husband has turret's and Asperger's and is very black and white and straight to the point with things. It makes people uncomfortable but everyone else has kept us in their lives). When I had my surgery, my dad asked me, "did you know your husband is a liar?". I asked him to explain and I tried to clear the confusion but he was so convinced that he knew the truth because he was older and knew more life than we did. My husband has grown up very hard and my dad had asked a question at Christmas and he was honest with him. My husband literally had to pry the phone out of my hands because my father was so convinced my husband was speaking for me (I've never been able to stand up to my dad but the way he was being so disrespectful to my husband, I had enough). My husband tried to explaine things to him and my dad said horrible vile things to him. He even included "she can speak for herself" and my husband said "yes she can, but she left your home and she lives with me. I'm going to protect her when I need to" and he lost it again. The only thing that made him hang up was when he said "you NEVER visit us and I never get to see my grandchildren". We live 300 miles away, out of state. They come to a city that is only 1 hour away from us to visit family, never have invited us. Even came to a place that is literally in our neighborhood and refused to see us because "they didn't have the time". My husband mentioned these things and my dad hung up on him. He never apologized. I don't think he ever will. He actually deleted my husband and myself from Facebook. All of this was in early January. We are expecting another child and I let him know. No congrats. My husband gets upset with me for hanging onto him. I blame codependency. (relocated to Support for Family Relationships 04/28/2022 @Sher217)
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I'm so uncomfortable
Anxiety Support / by Arrowmama131618
Last post
 November 20th, 2021
...See more I've always had anxiety. I've been dx anxiety, clinical depression and PTSD through my 28 years and they come in waves. My anxiety is really active lately and depression is beginning to set in. I feel like I'm failing my family. We do school at home and I don't feel like my kids are up to par with where they should be. With all the COVID crap though I don't want them to go to public school. Realistically, I think they are doing pretty good for 3rd grade and pre k. But I'm still freaking out because they aren't doing as much studies as I would like them to be doing. I was dx pre congestive heart failure and fatty liver disease last month. I'm not overweight, I wear a size 10 and I'm almost 6ft tall. I also started having mini strokes last year during this time. My neurologist at the time told me that he thinks it is all due to childhood traumas. That there's only been one other case like mine where nothing was showing up on the scans but the woman was having seizures. My brother who's an EMT believes it is TIAs and his friend, who was actually my nurse in the first hospital, agreed that scans won't always pick up a TIA. My cholesterol was 300 at the time yet another hospital gave me 2 psych evaluations (I passed) and kicked me out with Vicodin for "migraines" after a 2 week stay. I had to use a wheel chair and then a walker for several months after because my body wouldn't function. My Neuro says that my brain told my body to have strokes and that's why I was crippled and my brain was not working (i talked and moved very slowly like the world was in slow motion for minimum 2 weeks after I got out). Since then I've been getting stronger and better. Then come August I started feeling like I was slowing down again. Sleeping more, lower energy etc. Same feelings I had when all of my TIAs began (originally thought B deficiency and then early onset MS - ALL SCANS WERE NEGATIVE). And then 2 weeks ago the left side of my body got weak. Back in August I went to a Dr and they ran a bunch of tests and saw my health issues. I forgot to tell them about my dizzy spells and I've been trying to get a hold of them for a week. I have aHIDA scan scheduled for November 16 and I missed the call by literally a second (my phone glitched). The voicemail said they would have to reschedule and that it was important for me to call back. I'VE BEEN CALLING FOR 2 DAYS AND LEFT VOICEMAILS. To top it off, my phone glitched in the middle of my tele health with my therapist and it cut off the call. She will not return any of my calls or texts now. Y'all. I'm freaking out. Why is NO ONE answering or calling me back??? Rationally I think I can say that they're pretty busy but this is sooo abnormal for my therapist and my Dr. My therapist will usually send me a quick text and she has not. My chest hurts so bad. I'm worried that I did something wrong. I'm worried that my therapist is hurt. Like all these thoughts are coming through and I'm worried about my heart health. The left side of my head is hurting and my left side of my face is tingly. I need to calm down.
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Newbie
Depression Support / by Arrowmama131618
Last post
 October 13th, 2021
...See more Mama of 4 wild boys, whom I live and adore. I have a great solid marriage, though we have highs and lows like everyone else. I'm a Christian and have a firm faith for the most part but the hard days still come and they are really hard. Trying to learn to lean on Christ even during those times. I wish it was easier. I suffer from depression, anxiety, ptsd, stress, lots of medical issues... I recently learned I have pre congestive heart failure, pre diabetes and possibly early stages of bladder cancer. I suffer from racing thoughts, sensory issues and social anxiety, too. We are very lonely as our family doesn't agree with our beliefs so therefore has shunned us, minus our moms. But everyone lives out of state. We had a few friends but they literally all moved away and it is hard making any more. My husband has ADHD and is very bold and straight forward. He also has turretts. People seem to want to stay away from us everywhere we go. Id like to blame COVID but this is nothing new. We feel pretty lonely. I am worried my husband is about to have a nervous breakdown as he works 10 hour days in construction and comes home to wild children and then has to deal with my mess when I'm in my lows. Anywho. That's me
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Another day in paradise
Depression Support / by Arrowmama131618
Last post
 June 27th, 2019
...See more I was told no matter how often I say the positives the negatives that come out of my mouth will always outweigh.... And being the way I am....I don't know what to do. I always feel like I can't do things right. I'm so lost and I just want to run away. I don't know what to do.
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Anger issues
Anxiety Support / by Arrowmama131618
Last post
 June 5th, 2019
...See more I've had anxiety for many years but lately it's explosive anger and rage and my hands are noticeably bruised from slamming my fists into the ground or table (I avoid walls now since I've put a few holes into sheet rock!). I feel broken. I'm not used to this part of myself and I really can't come face to face with it because it's U G L Y . I'm also verbally explosive. I take it out on my husband, who seems to be the root of my abandon issues depression etc (hes extremely apathetic and I'm learning I can't talk to him about much if anything at all). Whatever is on my mind, negative or positive, I blurt it towards him. If we are in the middle of a fight I cannot simply shut up for even 5 minutes to save my life. I'm exhausted, y'all. What's going on with me
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