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ArtemisElf
425 M Embraced 3
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2021 Member sinceDecember 29, 2020
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Where Intimacy Dies
Relationship Stress / by ArtemisElf
Last post
 January 10th, 2021
...See more I think I'm broken. I caught my husband cheating on me on Easter this year. It was absolutely devastating. Made worse by him saying he was never going to tell me. And that it had gone on for over 2 years of our less than 5 years of marriage at the time. Now he complains that I am not physically affectionate. I dont feel like I can be...with anyone. I cant even be physically affectionate with myself. I dont think I can even feel anything at all. It has just been getting worse. But this seems to be where intimacy dies. Intimacy with myself. With my husband. With anyone. This horrible broken place of numb nothingness. I dont think just my trust was shattered...I think I was shattered. What can I do? I feel so dead inside.
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I am numb and broken after husband cheated
Relationship Stress / by ArtemisElf
Last post
 January 17th, 2021
...See more Easter 2020, started when I found my husband's phone unlocked with a message alert. For whatever reason, I opened it...I opened the message. I suppose I expected something mundane. A family member or friend. Instead, it was an "I love you" and a "I miss the way you f***ed me" from his old coworker. I look through every message, vid, and pic. Its been going on half of our marriage. Time stopped. Everything hurt. Fast forward to today. We had a big fight. He thinks I hate him because I am not physically affectionate. I havent been in a long time. I tell him I cant be. He doesn't understand. I cant. I dont FEEL anything. I am haunted endlessly by the affair. The memories. The lies. I feel no attraction or affection for anyone or anything. I used to be a writer and artist. I havent been able to so either since Easter. Im unfocused, tired, and empty all the time. Sometimes I feel sad, frustrated, even angry...but nothing else. It is like I slipped into the void. I wonder if I have a sort of PTSD from his affair. Is that a thing? I care about him. I think I love him still but my God, everything is numb and empty so much so that I'm not sure if I can honestly say that I love him when all I feel is nothing. The nothing reached everything. How I feel for my family, friends, pets...my self. I dont know how I feel because I dont feel at all. Am I crazy? What is wrong with me?
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