Aseutter7 Member Profile

...See more This may be a long post but I'll try to keep it short. I'm a first time mother to a 5 week old boy. I'm married to my husband, of 10 years and we are pretty happy most of the time. Parenting has been a whole new journey for us. My patience has always been great and my husband's, not so much. My husband has always had a bit of a short temper and little patience. It runs in his side of the family. Learning a brand new baby, has been interesting to say the least between the two of us. To begin here, our first few weeks with our new baby boy were simply blissful and happy moments with a lot of happy tears that we have a family of our own. My husband and I came from not so pleasant childhoods and so we vowed to make sure that we would end the bad cycle and ensure to be there for our son 100%. Around week 3 of our new life, things started getting more stressful with lack of sleep, baby was cluster feeding up hours of the night and crying. Lots of crying... as babies do. My husband's lack of patience has come out and I found that many nights when we would take shifts to help take care of our son, my husband would get upset at our son and raise his voice. I've told my husband several times that is not the way to calm a fussy baby because baby will feed off our emotions and reflect it back to us. Unfortunately, it seems like it doesn't matter to him and he can't help but get overwhelmed by the crying. I've stepped in countless times now to console our son, sometimes even my husband. Raising a kid was never said to be easy. Tonight I joined 7 cups because it is just getting to be too much. Our baby was crying in his crib, waking for a feed or diaper change this early morning at midnight and it was my husband's turn. My husband didn't wake right away to go help our son but instead yelled loudly "Shut up" from bed. Our son is in his own nursery in a crib outside of our room and I have a baby monitor above the crib. So baby didn't hear or maybe get bothered by it but I sure did. Baby continued crying and it took a moment for my husband to get up. When he did, he stomped his way to the hallway and slammed our bedroom door closed and when he entered the nursery where our son was, he was still raising his voice saying shut up and other things I couldn't make out. He was able to console our son after 10 minutes or so and tried to lay him back down in the crib. As soon as he did and he came back to bed, our son started crying again. My husband said that he is a failure parent. I turned off the monitor and went to go grab our son and console him further and let my husband sleep. It's not the first and certainly not going to be the last time that my husband raises his voice. ****I chatted with a listener here tonight and she was trying to criminalize my husband saying that he committed a crime and he was verbally abusive**** I highly believe everyone has moments like this. Life doesn't always work as we want and situations are tough. As everyone else here, I'm just looking for some support. I'm not looking for someone to tell me I'm making excuses for my husband and that I'm in the wrong. I just want to figure out a way to tell my husband that he needs to seek help as he won't listen when I tell him. He says youtube videos about how to manage, helps. However that's not a long term solution. I need someone to help guide me because I'm at a loss myself and I really need the kind supportive community I know 7 cups is and has helped me previously get through tough times. Thank you for reading if you've made it this far.

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