Ash422 Member Profile

...See more so uh ik this is long so if u don’t wanna read sm but u wanna know like what i’m talking abt just skip to 3 but i’d be v thankful to anyone who’ll listen * my guy bsf/ex/forbidden love type person said i was invited to his bday party but when it came around he sent me snaps of it happening and i wasn’t given any info on it. simply put, i wasn’t actually invited and he said it’s cause even tho he told his mom i’m trans and he knows i’m trans, his mom said that he couldn’t have any girls over so he didn’t ask for me to go. obviously this is upsetting bc for one i care a lot abt him but for two he said i was invited before he even knew what he was going to do then proceeded to not invite me and send me pics. i’m not mad at him i’m just upset that no one sees me as not a girl * i was telling my mom that i found out my friends deadname and i felt bad for knowing it but also it was just rly weird cause i could never imagine it fitting him like- i had another friend and i saw her deadname plastered all over her room and it was a unisex name that rly did work if she wanted to use it still but like the first friend,, it just felt rly weird ig and my mom goes “well he they doesn’t fit you” and saying how that’s what i want to be called but she just doesn’t see it on me. she later said that she said it bc she thought i was talking trash abt my friends chosen name and she wanted to prove a point so like,, miscommunication was a factor here but the way she said it hurt. it felt serious like i genuinely think she doesn't see me as not a girl which yes i understand cause forever i’ve been her little girl in her eyes but i can’t it just hurts. * not another story just the like,, conclusion of it all ig. i feel like everyone sees me as a girl and those aren’t the only invalidating stories i have. trust me there’s so many but like what do i do? everytime i get called my deadname i feel dead inside and when i use the girls br bc i’m scared to go into the boys or when i’m working and getting called maam like- wearing my pronouns, changing my name, cutting my hair and coming out wasn’t enough i still get treated like a girl. there’s probably no solution to this and even if i did look like a guy i wouldn’t sound like one cause my mom won’t let me start hormones and i’m only 15 and my voice just throws people back into thinking i’m a girl but if anyone can help me feel better i’d be willing to listen i’m like at the point of wanting to cry every second of the day but i can’t cause i’m alr going through non gender related problems and trauma so i literally have no tears left like,, crying atp is just ugly faces and headaches :( </3

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