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AureliaTanzanite715
131 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2020 Member sinceDecember 12, 2019
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Fell for my friend who is getting over his ex... Help
Relationship Stress / by AureliaTanzanite715
Last post
 January 16th, 2020
...See more I became friends with a guy back in September and we really hit it off. He was been more supportive to me than anyone, girl or guy friends, especially guys. He has shown me how I should expect to be treated by a guy in any sort of relationship. The problem has come in that I have developed feelings for him and we have talked about it, but he has had an on again-off again thing with his Ex after she returned from Africa in November (where he believes she cheated on him) and although it seems to be over now, he definitely needs time to heal from it. I am struggling because I have impulsive tendencies and insecurities from my own relationship experiences along with Bipolar 2. He has given off some signals in his actions, and sometimes his words vaguely when he is drinking, that he is interested in me which has flaired my interests and driven me to be more attached in a romantic fashion. We had sex at a party and while I do not regret it, I know that it damaged our friendship because it heightened my feelings... We have repeatedly tried to establish boundaries and be just friends but whenever we are together in person it gets more romantic than platonic... We have talked about it and he is very understanding and supportive of me. We are taking a short break from talking so that I can gather myself because he has said again he wants to be just friends. I know he needs the time to heal whether he is possibly interested in me or not. But I am having a hard time determining if I can be just friends with him. I really want to be because we have clicked and he has been so supportive of me in all of my mental health. He also has some anxiety and depression as well. I am looking for suggestions in managing my own impulsiveness and high emotionality as well as the best way for me to support him after his break up. I find myself being selfish and stressing over my own feelings instead of considering the difficult time he is going through right now and the cyclone of emotions he must be feeling. Also any suggestions for maintaining a friendship when you were hoping for more from it? Thank you for any support
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To be friends or not to be friends? (Easily attached)
Relationship Stress / by AureliaTanzanite715
Last post
 December 13th, 2019
...See more Hi All, I am new to the site here, but I feel like I've annoyed my friends with my consistent anxiety over this and I am looking for some further support in this situation. There are a lot of factors playing into this so I struggled to pick where to post this and how much to say, but I will do my best to be concise yet thorough! Last summer I met a guy through a mutual friend and we didn't really hit it off, poor first impressions were made, but I was a bit interested in him. My friend had cautioned me to give him space as he was apparently coming out of a break up earlier in the spring. I didn't talk much to him until we met again at a party in early October. We exchanged snapchats and started talking. I worked really hard to keep a distance from him because I knew his interest wouldn't last long. But this guy! He would respond to my snaps almost immediately and would often send videos of himself talking instead of just pictures with text. About a week later, he very obviously ghosts me one day. I backed off but was a bit disappionted because, surprise, I had become attached at this point. A few days go by and I send a casual mass text that I include him in. We hit it off again and continue to talk. Over the next several months we talk almost daily, and I am constantly reminding myself we are just friends, but I am enjoying the attention and would consider the possibility of going out with this guy if it came up. Jump to last week: Surprise, his ex-girlfriend has moved back to town and they are going to try dating again. Now I am a bit disappionted, but I respect that. We had never talked about being more than friends in any way and I know from mutual friends that this guy is just deeply connected to and offers concern and support to all of his friends. Here is the hard part for me: I am really sensitive to perceived rejection by others. I have become quite attached to this guy, but I know the dynamic of our relationship is going to change. I know I am not as important to him anymore and it is hitting me a lot harder than I expected. I feel betrayed when I haven't heard from him for extended periods of time and I know I am overthinking our every interaction now. Many of my friends have suggested discontinuing our friendship completely or at the very least putting a cap on it. I know this would probably be the best for me, but 1) I don't want to damage our friendship because I really do enjoy this guy even though I feel I have tried to self sabotage it many times already. 2) I have become accustomed to these daily interactions and I get really lonely when I try to limit them. I don't feel I have the strength to follow through with it. I know that I need to do something because I don't want to carry any false illusions that this guy might be interested in me in some way. He's been clear he's excited to get back with his girlfriend and I do not want to get involved in that situation or be a rebound to him in some way at any time in the future. I have not been in a relationship for almost three years since my previous 3 year relationship fell apart. I know that I am feeling extra disappionted because I was excited for the prospect of dating again. Trying not to perceive this as a rejection of myself because obviously there was unfinished business with his ex-girlfriend. I had just gotten the feeling that I was very important to him and now that I don't feel the same interest from him in his messages as the excitement I feel when recieving a message from him, I am feeling a bit rejected. I can rationalize the whole thing and talk about it rationally, but emotionally I have been feeling very different and insignificant.
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