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BeautifulDisaster1982
1 64 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2017 Member sinceOctober 17, 2017
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I don't know
Depression Support / by BeautifulDisaster1982
Last post
 October 17th, 2017
...See more I don't know how or where to begin but I'm going to try because I don't have anyone and I'm not doing well at all. It's so complicated and such a big mess, I don't even know how to explain myself. It started 4 years ago with my absolute best friend in the world. I fell madly in love like I have never loved before. We were both divorced with children, but decided to blend our broken families to make this one I love so insanely much. It's been a little over 4 years. I consider this man the love of my life and have stayed through all our craziness because I can honestly say I truly love him and I can't bring myself to leave him or our family. I have tried and failed numerous times, no matter how bad it gets. Things between us have progressively got worse and continue to daily. Every time I try and talk to him it ends up in a fight so I have been keeping everything in and it's literally driving me crazy. I used to be this sweet, caring, woman that wore her heart on her sleeve and now I don't even know who I am. I think I have built this wall to just cope day to day with the pain because I have 3 children that depend on me. It's getting harder and harder to do though and it's turning me into this sad, cold person and it truly scares me. I don't know what to do anymore. I've lost all my will and energy and have a hard time just functioning. I feel like the relationship is toxic and I should leave but how do you give up on someone you truly love and leave your family?! It's just not in me to do that. I'm so scared though at the person it's making me. I don't want to lose myself anymore than I already have. I'm so sorry for my mess and thank you from the bottom of my heart if you took the time to read. Xo
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