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Benjaminjames2496
76 M Embraced
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2018 Member sinceJanuary 10, 2018
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My thoughts confuse me
Anxiety Support / by Benjaminjames2496
Last post
 August 10th, 2018
...See more Hey everyone, so to start off, I just joined this website in hopes of it being a sort of support group. My name is Benjamin, I'm about to turn 22 and I have anxiety depression and OCD. I'm posting this to not only vent what I'm feeling but also to see if anyone else might have ever shared a similar experience. It's a long story. Back in 2015, me and my family moved from our old place and into a new one in the country. This move was very difficult for me as time went on, but more on that later. I started university in the fall of that year, and then in Spring of 2016 I had what most would probably call a "nervous breakdown." A lot of stress was on my shoulders at that time. I was dealing with hypchondriasis at the time which was putting strain on me and those around me, and I caused my mother to have a panic attack, which was kind of shocking to me, and her and my sister had a HUGE fight which made me feel helpless and scared since I had to basically just witness it. The rest of that year was a nightmare for me. Panic attacks and massive depression almost everyday. In 2017 I also had quite a few struggles, but things have been gradually improving. Now I have episodes, even though as we speak I'd say that I am not completely "happy". I no longer look forward to the future that much. I have a good job, I go to a good school and have a family that loves me, but I'm still unhappy. I started Neurofeedback therapy in september of 2017 and it has actually helped me, but not enough to really eliminate my problems. So Like I said I also have OCD, and my obsessions are over the things I feel most scared of. I'm more scared of suicide than anything else. Especially when you see all the relation between mental illness and it. It scares me because then I start questioning if I'm suicidal. Though I don't want to die, when Im really afraid of an obsession, I almost don't believe myself. Like, I don't have most of the things people who are actualyl suicidal have, but I do have the depression and anxiety about life in general. I know I'm all over the place here, but when I mentioned my family and I moving to a new house, now I've made a negative association between my house and my depression/anxiety. Imagine waking up every morning and having your surroundings make you think you hate them and that youre horribly unhappy. I noticed how unhappy I was with it when I'd go to school and come home, and the comfort of home wouldnt be in this place. Nowadays when I drive or run errands in the area I used to live in, I get a peaceful happy feeling like I havent felt home since then. It just seems like everything in my life has become stressful since the onset of moving. I'd also like to hear peoples thoughts on medications and whether or not they are worth the help. Thanks for listening... I needed some way to get this off my chest. ~Benjamin James.
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