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BlackWater
1 1,251 M Little Steps 4
PathStep 147 Compassion hearts47 Forum posts105 Forum upvotes153 Current upvotes153 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2025 Member sinceOctober 16, 2015
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Fear of feeling better
Depression Support / by BlackWater
Last post
 May 15th, 2017
...See more Hi, I need some advice. I've been struggling with depression for years, but it was "ok", I mean, I was used to it and I knew how to deal with it. Then something strange happened, I was happy for a while. Not just regular happy, I was really happy, it was the happiest time of my life. It lasted 6 months, it was awesome and I almost forgot about depression. Then things changed, suddenly. Everything went bad for a lot of reasons and depression came back. I couldn't deal with it like I did before, because it was so sudden and I got used to happiness, so it hit me really hard this time. After 8 months I'm starting to feel a little better, but I'm afraid. At first I thought I didn't even deserve to be happy. Now I think I do, but I'm too scared, because I know that the better I am, the worse I feel when everything changes. I feel that I should just be sad like I always am, so if anything bad happens it's not a big deal. I'm ruining every opportunity to feel happy, I'd rather be sad all the time than feeling desperate like I did when my happiness was taken away. So I'm stuck, I don't know what to do, did anything like this ever happen to you? (sorry for my bad english, it's difficult for me to express feeling in another language, I hope you understand :D)
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Hello. I need some advice, or at least someone who reads this.
Relationship Stress / by BlackWater
Last post
 July 8th, 2017
...See more Hi, my name is P. and I'm 25. I'm writing here because I need to talk to someone about my situation. I don't expect anything from you, I just need to write this to someone. It's going to be a long post, so sorry for it and sorry for my bad english. I'm having a lot of problems right now, I'm struggling with depression, I have problems with my family, with some friends, I quit university but I can't find a job and so on. But I think what's hurting me the most right now is what happened a few months back: I've been dating a guy since June, for some reasons (I won't explain) we didn't tell anybody. It was amazing. It was nothing too serious at first, but it was getting kinda serious. Two months ago I found out he had sex with my roommate. Just once, but he had been dating her in secret for a month or two. I confronted him and he told me he was sorry, he said he was scared about how serious our relationship was becoming and he made a huge mistake. He also told me he didn't know what to do because the one time they had sex was her first time and when he told her he didn't want that to happen again she started insulting him and telling him she will be forever scarred by this and that he ruins people. Of course I was mad at him and I argued with him a lot, but i could see that he really regrets what he's done. He told me he knows he's ruined the one good thing he had in his life (yeah, he has a lot of problems too) and he really is sorry. My big problem right now is her. I said the relationship between me and this guy was secret, but she saw us kissing back in october and didn't say anything about. We never talked about it but she knew there was something between me and him. She never asked me anything about it, I don't know if she could really think it was over, she knew we were seeing each other. But she didn't care and she did what she did. Only after doing that she asked him about me and he told her we had this relationship but he lied and told her it was over cause he didn't want her to feel bad about it. He really feels bad for what he did to both of us so he told me the truth and asked me not to say anything to her, cause she's mad and crazy and she keeps texting him to insult him, she doesn't even want him to write to me, she spies on us, checking our messages. She clearly knew that something was going on between me and him but, as she said to him when he told her I was really desperate cause I probably found out, she doesn't want to ruin her happiness just because somebody else is sad. Now I really don't know what to do. Talking to her would only make things worse, he is a mess and he even started to think about suicide, I keep talking to him because, even if I'm mad at him, he's the only one who really cares about me and he's helping me with all the other stuff that's going on in my life and we really need each other, at least as friends. But I hate this. I must share the bedroom with her, I want to move out but I can't, so I have to see her face every day and I just hate her. Because I know that she just didn't care about me, even if she wasn't sure she could have just asked, instead she decided to do what was best for her and what she knew would have crushed me. And now she's also trying to make him feel worse than he already feels, when he clearly told her it was nothing serious between them, because she wants to hurt him. She just keeps hurting people and cares only about herself. She knew she couldn't have what she wanted from him, but she decided to take it anyway, even if she knew she was hurting someone else. I hate her and I have to pretend that nothing happened, but it's been two months and I'm just feeling worse, I really don't know what I should do. I have to live with her at least until october, I can't stand other six months like this.
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