BreakofDay99 Member Profile

...See more I've been dealing with depression since I was a child, and I've spent a large part of my life wondering if any of this is worth the struggle. Certain events (my father's death, the end of a 12-year-long relationship due to cheating, etc.), I've had some very, very low times, even lower than usual. When these times come around, I get cold all over and stop caring about anything, even eating or sleeping. All I can think about during these times is how I wish I could just die. I'm not necessarily suicidal, mind you, I just wish I could somehow not exist anymore. Now I've lost my job, which I've had for the last several years. I don't have a personal life, I just had my job. On top of that particular stressor, my elderly mother lives with me, and she is incredibly toxic, demanding, and pessimistic. She never has anything positive to say, and she's dragging me down even more than I already drag myself down. She's also fanatical about politics, and has a major chip on her shoulder on this topic, always looking for someone to fight with. This often ends up being me, and she's incredibly loud and aggressive. Usually I ignore her, but sometimes it's impossible to do, and then she sulks for up to two months if I even mildly disagree with her. I can't change this living situation right now, and it's making my depression many times worse. No, she doesn't have dementia or anything like that...she's just angry and negative most of the time. Anyway, I was just thinking about this today, and wondering if anyone else has dealt with depression while also trying to put up with toxic, angry, "right-fighter" type people. It's just disheartening to know I have someone under my roof I should be able to talk to, and I simply can't.

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