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Brendon1996
55 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2017 Member sinceOctober 19, 2017
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I dont know what to do with myself
Depression Support / by Brendon1996
Last post
 November 3rd, 2017
...See more 8 October my first relationship ended. We had about 2,5 months. She is 17 and i am 21. So she broke up trough whatsapp, because she said she needed space and wasnt happy. I love her so much and since that day my life has been a living hell. I keep blaming myself for the break up. I mean i wasnt happy with the relationship either, she never really made me feel special or wanted. But i wanted her and she was special to me. It was my first relationship and i kind of dropped like all my hobbies, friends and such to be with this girl. I was and am obsessed with her. So i wanted to see her more (we saw each other 2 times a week as a couple, and every day at college, but that felt more like friends). So i gave her more pressure to be with me. I wanted to see her more and i wanted her to make me feel special for once. Because i always been there for her, i gave her my everything and she couldnt return it. So yeh the relationship just didnt work, because i needed more attention and she just didnt care to put efford in the relationship. But even if she broke my heart i still love her. Its been 11 days since the split and all i can think about is her. And ive been annoying my friends by now because i talk a lot on how shit i feel right now and it gives off a bad vibe. Last monday i tried to kill myself and now everyone sees me as a helpless puppy. My ex girlfriend even blocked me, she doesnt care a about me, she hates me. So now my friends are getting tired of my crying, my love of my life left me because i loved her too much and my family threads me as a crazy suicidal person. All i can think about is how worthless i am, never find love again and how i want to die. I tried doing activities and hanging with friends, but i cant stop the feeling. So i was wondering if i should keep on going, will i ever find hapiness again after my first love dumped me?
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