BrokenAri Member Profile

...See more Hi! I am Ari, or that's what most people call me. I am 30 years old as of last month and I have cancer. I've had this illness for at least 5 years if not almost 9 years. The reason I do not know the proper length of time is because I started showing symptoms of being sick all the way back in 2010 but I was told at first I was faking it, then that I had a throat condition that would leave me mute (I was mute for 9 months before I found a doctor that would help with therapy), then I was told I was looking for meds because I was a druggie. 5 years ago I got really sick, I was hospitalized for a few days at a time but since I was 25 ish, the doctors kinda just wrote it off. Fast forward to 2 years ago right before xmas, I slipped on ice at work and because of workman's comp, I had to have scans done of my neck to see how injured I was. Good news, I had only sprained my neck, but then bad news they found a growth on my thyroid. I was told to see a doctor immediately. From there I was passed from dr to dr until my endocrinologist just did the biopsy himself, then I had my entire thyroid, parathyroid and lymph nodes removed because they all had cancerous tumors. All done, all better right? Time for recovery and to be on with my life. Nope, instead of getting better I got worse and worse and worse. I have been told over and over again that this was normal and i was over reacting (again). Soon enough my blood pressure started tanking, and I had black outs often. I went to a dozen doctors and finally at the consultation for a specialist I collapsed in what j thought was one of my black outs. Turns out I'd been having seizures. With the nurses and doctor there to witness this they obviously called the ambulance and sent me to the hospital, where yet again they kinda just wrote me off. By now I've lost most of my 20s to this nonsense and I've also lost some of my cognitive abilities. I am in a constant battle with doctors to get them to take me seriously, some think the cancer spread to my brain, others to my adrenal glands, and some to my heart. 3 weeks ago I had a seizure in walmart while shopping with a friend, when i went down I hit my head and got a concussion, obviously went to the er, they tried to send me home until I yet again had a seizure. They took my orthostatics and my blood pressure was 52 over 36, so dangerously low, and that's where it stayed for a week. So they kept me admitted to the hospital that entire time. Still, I have no answers. No treatment plan. Before this I was active, I worked out, I painted, and I loved life. Now I'm at the point that I feel like I'm backed into a corner. I'm on disability from my insurance from work but they just cut me down to a mere 103 dollars and 27 cents for the month. That doesnt cover a fraction of the cost for my medical bills let alone my rent or anything else! The more stress I'm under the more seizures I get, the more seizures I get the less likely I am able to be going back to work. I miss being able to leave the house. Right now, I was told not to sit up without supervision. I feel helpless and I'm not used to it. How can I tackle my problems when I cant even sit up. I dont self harm but I have thought about the fact that with my life insurance policy itd probably be cheaper and easier to just pass away than to keep fighting. I stress out every day trying to find answers and help. I fight with myself on what to do. Somedays are easier, like today, where I can think a bit clearer and I'm not constantly confused. But other days, I'm alone and just so stressed out over what I should do because I know I cant think straight and I could be causing myself more problems in the future. I know I should be grateful to be alive and be able to keep fighting, but sometimes I just wanna scream when someone tells me to keep going and it will be fine. I wanna rest, I dont always want this to be such a battle because I am tired of fighting.

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