Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
CadeXR
117 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2023 Member sinceOctober 17, 2023
Bio
Recent forum posts
CadeXR profile picture
Hi I dont know really where to go
Newbie Hub / by CadeXR
Last post
 October 17th, 2023
...See more Hi my name is Cade, I recently turned 20, I had someone recommend this site to me because I dont know what else to do and im so so lost I guess to start is I have had severe anxiety, adhd, and a few other things all my life, my parents (who are divorced) found this out when I was young and when I got diagnosed they denied said diagnosis with the only help I ever got was therapy for anxiety in the 4th grade for about a month, over time I got better with holding it in and hiding it, with anxiety attacks only happening up every so often throughout my school years, covering it with humor and whatnot. I barely graduated highschool and went to college to study film, I have always been a creative, I had a handful of friends in highschool but pretty much lost all of them the moment we graduated, they didnt seem to really care. in college I tried so hard, but the same thing from highschool, poor grades, horrible ability to study or figure out how to even do school, and since ive been working since 15 years old with the constant pressure to have a full time job,  the anxiety started to come back, as well as this was around middle of covid (2021) which locked me into my house with my parents who I guess did want to help but I never understood how to explain some of my problems to them, both my mom and my stepdad often found it easier to scold me on how I was doing than anything else, on top of this my girlfriend at the time had just broken up with me, and I found out she had hated me month after the breakup I found out she had been cheating on me with her friend for months, both of them lying to my face. then the anxiety started getting worse again. during this time I dropped out of college due to how poorly I was doing. but then I met this one person who helped me get myself back together, she showed me there was light in this world, she showed me for the first time that someone could actually care about me, she lived about 3 hours away by car but she was just so perfect that no matter what it was worth it, I loved her so so much and she was someone who I could talk to, I had minimal friends already so she also became my best friend and my girlfriend, I had never felt love like her and I have never loved someone like her. tldr she had struggled with a eating disorder years prior to me meeting her, and she had never fully recovered. a week prior to my 20th birthday she started getting a little more distant, and I know some of her eating issues were starting to bother her so I kept trying to comfort her but she kept getting more distant, but I loved her more than anything in this world so I kept trying to help.  A day after I turned 20 she broke up with me, saying she doesnt want to hurt me by being distant, told me that it wouldnt work for us to talk anymore and disconnected from me everywhere. at the same time my one other friend who live close to me had just moved. me and her dated for 2 years, I put my life into her and I had never known someone so perfect, and never had loved someone or felt as loved as I did with her. ever since then everything I had done to keep everything wrong with me out is gone, my anxiety is worse than ever, I cant get out of bed most days, I get to work when I am needed but no matter what I try I cant put on a smile (my co-workers knew me as the happy, energetic type, but I cant find that part of me anymore) and since I dropped out of college, my parents have made me pay rent, I want to move out but my state is one of the most expensive to live in, so I am stuck here. they tried to help me through the breakup but 5 days after they pretty much started to default to "shes gone now, man up, just turn off the part of you thats sad" so I am stressed to work, anxious at every moment, I cant focus, sleep, eat, or think straight still, I pretty much am having anxiety attacks daily, and I have nobody left in my life that can help me in the slightest. I am a dropout, a failure, and to my family they treat me like im worthless and I just dont know what else I have left anymore, it all seems so pointless. guess thats my tangent, I am sorry for all of that over information, I just dont know what else is left or what I can do.
Search more from @CadeXR
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
6 total badges
Hand Shake First Post Reaching out First Compassion Bundled Teammate
Report an issue