CappellaioMatto88 Member Profile

...See more Hello, there. I really don't know how to begin with this. This is probably the first time I'm admitting that I have an eating disorder. The thing is I've been struggling for four years with binge/purging cycles, restrictive diets, and unhealthy amounts of exercise. I think I should tell you a little bit of my life so that you may have some context, I don't know. I have six older sisters. We have always been very skinny. While growing up, I hated being that skinny because people used to mock about it at school. Then, when I went to college, I decided I was going to gain some weight. My goal was reaching [edited by Anomalia to remove weight specifics] kg (which was still underweight, btw, but that was just my first goal). Well, I started working out, following diets to gain weight, and so on, and I managed to reach [edited] kg. I was quite happy with myself even though I hadn't reached my goal yet. But then, my family started to say I was fat, especially my mom. I was not. Right now, I can clearly see that I was not fat at all, but at that time, I don't know, I started to think that maybe I shouldn't have tried to gain weight. At first, I started reducing what I ate, I thought I had it under control. Then, I would skip meals claiming I had already eaten, and so on. And I lost all the weight I had gained plus a lot more. My family started to say I was too skinny, even for their standards. Then, the binging started, and I felt so bad when I binged that I started purging. Since I didn't want to purge, I decided to work out a lot and restrict. And well, it's been four years and I'm still struggling. I really want to stop, and sometimes I manage to have healthy habits for a month or so, but then I mess all up, and it all starts again. I don't know what to do. If anyone could help me, I would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance. P. S. English is not my mother tongue, so excuse me if I made any mistakes.

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