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Celc
1,013 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts108 Forum posts53 Forum upvotes70 Current upvotes70 Age GroupTeen Last activeApril, 2024 Member sinceMarch 1, 2021
Recent forum posts
How Often Is One Supposed to Cry?
Trauma Support / by Celc
Last post
 August 4th, 2023
...See more I realize that I often don't cry much. When I do, it's typically because things have culminated up to a point, where I feel as though I'm about to burst. Either that, or someone may make a comment, that reminds me of past trauma, or to that of loneliness. That's why I'd like to know if it's normal to not often cry. I've seen many people express that they cry much, whether through the means of social media, or simply throughout everyday life. However, I find myself at odds when it comes to crying, or simply expressing any emotion in a physical, or "lively" manner. I just wanted to know if it's often, that one may not express themselves, as often as you may see more "extroverted" people doing so, or those who simply express themselves in a livelier manner. Does anyone else relate to this at all?
How Does One Recognize Trauma?
Trauma Support / by Celc
Last post
 July 25th, 2023
...See more As of right now, I feel like ***. I feel alone, stupid, and as if though no one is truly there in my corner, because I'm forever alone. I've been dealing with this for quite some time. To jump into it, my mother has given me "whippings" in the past, of which I have retained several painful memories from. This also includes a memory where I was quite little, around 4, or 5, where I was in trouble. I was crying in my room, as my mother had threatened me with a "whipping", though she had yet to do so, as she was on the phone. I went into the living room, where she was, and I cried and begged her to not whip me. I remember that after doing so, she laughed. While this was many years ago, it's still stuck with me into my adolescence, 10 years later. Though she no longer does "whip" me, she does, in fact, do so to my brother, and, as a result, I'm quite often used to the way his screams sound, as well as her yelling. It's haunted me for a while now. I have also similarly been haunted by a more recent incident, where I was forced to out myself to my father as asexual. Though me outing myself was more recent, there were many confrontations that came before me outing myself, as my father was prone to looking through my phone without consent. In it, all he found were things relating to the LGBT community, of which he used, as well as past confrontations, as evidence of me essentially "lying" to him by coming out and saying as to how I identify, though he had made it clear numerous times that those within the LGBT community were "not normal", "mentally ill", and so on. Funnily enough, after coming out, when I asked him as to whether, or not he thought I was "normal", he couldn't answer. In other news, as of early 2021, my parents are no longer together, which has taken quite a toll upon our family. My parents both gained new partners, and had a mutual understanding to meet the other's significant other, before introducing them to us. This was disregarded, however, in favor of my mother introducing us to her new boyfriend. My father had warned my brother and I of this before, as he and my mother had gotten into a fight that prompted this entire incident. He told me that I, the oldest, would need to call him, in case we ever met her new boyfriend. Granted, that's what I did. As a result, my father showed up, and though he didn't meet her new boyfriend, my mother was quite furious with him and asked him why he was there. He ignored her, and asked if my brother and I were all right, to which we were. After he left, my mother confronted me in the car, confiscated my phone, and ultimately said that I had "ruined the evening". At the time, she didn't apologize. While she did the next day, with a half-*** apology, it took for my father and brother to pressure her to give another one, one that was also half-assed given the pressure, but more genuine than the first. My brother did confront her more head-on though, after the encounter, which earned him another "whipping", in the name of "disrespect", though he was only advocating for her to truly apologize to me. All in all, I've realized that I've come to struggle with how to face tings and recognize them for what they are. While there is much more that's happened, and also impacted the way I've come to face things, this is ultimately the gist of it. I'd like to truly know and recognize, as while I don't truly like, nor despise myself, I would like to be informed, and be able to truly recognize trauma for what it is. in its truest form. These experiences have led me to loathe myself, not truly realize what's happening around me, left me to have flashbacks of what's happened, and question the morality of the people who raised me. I would just truly like to know. Am I a victim? Am I important? Do I matter? The world around me is in shambles and I have no idea how the *** I'm supposed to feel, or what the *** I'm supposed to do. All I ask is for peace. For peace of mind and to be at peace for whatever the *** is happening around me.
I’m Tired of Being Tired.
Trauma Support / by Celc
Last post
 January 5th, 2023
...See more I’m miserable. I’m truly sick and tired of reliving my trauma and being plagued my new trauma every single day, or even trauma that doesn’t exist yet. I want an escape. I want to live somewhere else, but I don’t know how, and I’m too scared to bring it up. I’ve thought about the pain and what the consequences would be, but at times I don’t know what to do. Whether to make myself feel pain, or not. I want to bide my time, but at only 14 years old, I don’t know what to do. At this point, it’s no longer just any warning signs. It’s no longer just a plea. This is a cry for help.
Does Anyone Know How To Go No-Contact??
Trauma Support / by Celc
Last post
 December 16th, 2022
...See more I'm a minor and underage, however, I was wondering as to whether anyone, (whether you have, or not), has any advice for going no-contact with your parents, or even a large portion of your family. I've been wanting to and imagining doing so for years, ever since I was little. I didn't know the term for it at the time, however, I was, and still am, sick and tired of constantly being afraid of my parents due to the abuse I've endured, the emotional neglect, and a number of other factors. I'm tired of not being heard, being uncomfortable around them, and simply being traumatized. Though I haven't been abused physically, or mentally for the past few years, I'm tired of being scared of them to this very day and facing invalidation about how I feel and about who I am constantly. I'm tired and sick of it. Sick of having constant anxiety and sick of hating myself and sick of loving them all the while. I want out. I want to escape. So, does anyone have any advice on how to go no-contact once the time comes? I want to make sure that I'm prepared, and I want to be ready.
Rant.
Depression Support / by Celc
Last post
 October 19th, 2022
...See more Lately, I've been feeling down in the dumps. A lot. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, or where my heart lies. All I know is that I do, but don't want to feel this way at the same time. I recently auditioned for a play that I really wanted to be cast in. Callbacks were just recently announced, and I didn't get one. I have missing work and feel that my mind is spiraling out of control. I feel that I'm failing. I don't want to be disappointing to anyone, but myself. At least that I can handle. I don't know what to do. I choose my words carefully, as to not offend the wrong person. I want to leave. I'm tired of the pain. The struggle. I want to leave. Why does this happen to nobody else, but me? Perhaps I'll be happier off someplace else. I want to understand. Not heal necessarily, but understand.
2000's Anime, or Manga Recommendations
TV & Movies / by Celc
Last post
 October 16th, 2022
...See more Would anyone happen to have any 2000's anime, or manga recommendations? I'm currently on the hunt for a new series to either watch, or read, however so far, I've come up a bit empty. 😅
False Sense of Happiness
Depression Support / by Celc
Last post
 October 14th, 2022
...See more Does anyone else feel as if though they have a false sense of happiness? Not that you're necessarily faking happiness in front of others to simply look as if though your happy, but rather a feeling inside where you feel "happy", or I suppose even falsely confident, to where you feel like you can do anything, but in the end that feeling is simply hopeless within itself. Or a part of yourself is telling you that this "happiness", or false confidence, is fake.
Confused.
General Support / by Celc
Last post
 October 11th, 2022
...See more Yesterday, I had a conversation with my father about misogyny, gender roles, and so on. My father told my brother to carry one of my bags, although I'd told him that I was perfectly capable in the past. For context, I am feminine presenting. While I don't mind receiving help from time to time in situations where I know I will most likely drop something, for the most part I personally like to do things independently and carry my own things unless I ask for help. While this isn't true for everyone, this is what I feel personally. My father and I began to talk and he prompted that I felt this way, as I felt it propagated gender roles. I nodded my head somewhat and began to correct him to say that rather I felt is was a bit rooted in gender roles, and not necessarily that it propagated them, however he interrupted me before I could finish. We began to talk more, and I expressed how I felt that these gestures were rooted in misogyny, however only in terms of prejudice and stereotypes against women. He became appalled that I had implied the were and began to say how dare I classify, or even associate him with misogyny, or as a misogynist. I corrected him and said that I did not call him a misogynist, nor was I trying to imply that he is one, as I feel that he is not, Rather, I expressed that I felt he might do things, such as try to have my brother carry one of my bags, or even simply open the door for me, though I'm not a fan of it, simply because of stereotypes and prejudice that implied women as weaker than, or in other words, misogyny. He defended himself and said that no, these gestures were not, and are not rooted in misogyny. Rather, he expressed that they were rooted in respect, and pointed out that within African culture, many things were often done to show women respect. Granted, I do feel that I could've worded my words better, as I do not feel that these things are entirely rooted in misogyny, however, depending on the situation, I do feel that they can be. My father then expressed that if I felt these things were rooted in misogyny, or if that I felt belittled by them, I should self reflect. I expressed that I did not feel belittled, but that I simply felt that these gestures were rooted in misogyny. Not that they are inherently misogynistic, as I do feel that they can be used as a tool of respect, however considering the way society has frequently treated women, or simply those who are feminine presenting, I felt that it might be rooted in it somewhat. He also expressed that I have never experienced misogyny before (though I beg to differ). After our conversation, before leaving from our mother's house (my parents are separated), my father told me to think of my life so far, and to come up with examples of instances where things that he has done could be classified as misogynistic (I can recall many). After he left, I admit, I did cry, as I felt confused and a bit shaken from our conversation. I still do feel that, depending on the situation, these kinds of gestures can, at times, be considered misogynistic. However, I still do feel a bit confused. That's why I have posted my story here, as I would like to have a second opinion.
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