Chris000 Member Profile

...See more I dated a guy for 4 months last year, and I think I let it last so long because I wanted to figure him out or maybe I was wishfully thinking he was a diamond in disguise. The breakup was amicable. But the trauma came when I heard he got married in Nov., 3 months after we broke up, to a woman he said who is just "a friend" in need a place to stay, and I applauded him being such a great friend at that time (now I felt like an idiot)...It's not like I'm jealous or upset, I decided to leave the relationship anyway, but I felt betrayed. I made a mistake and I want to learn to read people better. I want to know if he is a typical womenizer or he has some personality disorder, because I thought he was the latter and decided to date him thinking people can grow out some personality defects. We met outside of a movie theater, he wanted to be friends and asked for my phone number. We went out that weekend, walking in the park and playing guitar. At the end of the day he pushed me for sex, when I turned him down, he complained in a childish voice: I love you. If we don't have sex, I don't want to see you anymore, and I don't want that. I replied: I can accept that. He left, I thought that's the end. He called me the next day and the next...just catching up. We went out the next week (I know I probably shouldn't, given the hug red flag, but my curiosity was piqued and the first meeting was great until the last minute, I later called him out emotionally blackmailing me, he was very surprised and said he didn't thought about it and didn't know it was blackmailing, my first suspicion of PD), I saw him exchanging phone number with another woman while waiting for me (It didn't bother me then because we were not dating). He said he wanted to be more than friends, I said he has to give me time to like him. With most people seeking romance online these days, real life encounter feels more romantic and precious, so I started to consider it. He called me consistently everyday for a month and didn't push me for sex again, and was always punctual and kept his words, so I thought he might be worthy of serious dating. He was very affectionate, kissing, holding hands, and act of service etc, everything a woman wanted in a boyfriend. Only one thing bothers me: I don't know him, he is like an empty shell. When I tried to get to know him, asked what he likes, how is his family like. He said: I like music, I like you. I don't like to talk about myself. I said I want to know what you like, I feel happy with you, I want to do thing to make you happy too. He said: you are perfect, you don't have to do anything. He never invited me to his place until I protested, because he had bad experience with crazy exes harassing him after breaking up. He always shaves his head, and I wanted to see his photos with hair. He refused because there were pics of him with exes that he doesn't want to look at. When I confronted him about this at the end of first month dating, he walked out on me, then came back a few days later and invited me to him place and showed me some photos. He barely talk about anything concrete when we spent time together, but he is very social, he talks normally with other people, and I actually knew more about his life from him chatting with other people in a group setting. He does like talking loud in a group and appears overly excited. In one of my friends gather, he said to them: I love you guys so much, if you come visit _____, it's all on me! He literally just met them, and he didn't remember any of their names, it was so fake. Up to this point, I could take him or leave him, I enjoyed our time together, it was fun, but quite shallow for my standard. I decided to date him later when we went out together, a homeless man with HIV approached us asking for help to call his aunt, he made the call and waited the call back for 30mins, and we had some nice conversation with that man. I was quite touched by this, normally people would just walk away. He gradually doesn't call that often, which I'm not sure if it's because we were dating stably or he just has more distractions. When I asked his whereabouts, he said he went out with this or that group of friends. But I actually only met 3 of his friends. And I feel he doesn't have good character judgement. He said this person or that person is really shy, when I talk with them, they seem totally natural. And I don't think these friends are that close as he made it sound like. As we knew each other better, he tole me his parents were abusive, he doesn't like his younger sister either, but no concrete reason why they were abusive. (Given he has negative opinions about every close relationships in his life, family and girlfriends, I'm not sure how much truth in it. Like one of the example he gave me why he doesn't keep in touch with his mom and sister is they criticize him playing guitar all the time, he'd rather spend time with friends who love him more than they do. I disagree, I think it's because he doesn't know the proper time and place to play guitar, like not doing it to chase women on the street and disrupting dinner party.) He said he loves sex, he watched a lot of porn since 9 years old. He had about 10 girlfriends in the past, the last one ended 2 years ago. He broke up with all of them and claimed some of them are crazy. After that he started to hit on woman on the street randomly and have sex with them once or twice, he slept with about 60 women this way.When we finally had sex, it was very quick and boring, he seemed very excited, but I didn't enjoyed it (because somewhat I didn't feel in love throughout the relationship). He still talked to other women on the street, like one time we went out to meet his friend, he started to chat another group of women, and literally chasing them 2 blocks in front of me and his friend! We laughed at him as it was quite Don Juna. I didn't see him asking contact info though. One thing interesting for me is, the women I saw he had hit on are not that physically attractive...he is a somewhat decent looking guy. I'm not sure what pleasure he got out of it, is it just the attention? About a month before we broke up, he mentioned he had a friend need a place to stay, he is going to take her in. He knows her about 2 years and she is not an ex. I asked him: you said no girls in you place. He replied: yeah, I know. I said: that's very kind of you. I knew about this friend though I've never met her, I asked him to bring her along in one of our outings, she didn't show up. It seems they didn't get together often until she "needs a place to stay". After some days, he mentioned his best friend was going to visit in 2 months. He lives in a studio with a guest bed besides his own. So I asked him how he will manage the sleeping situation for 3 people, he said: one of us has to sleep on the floor then. I asked: so she is going to stay indefinitely? He said: I don't know. I don't mind him helping friend, I have done that for opposite sex friends too. But the lack of plan and responsibility made me feel either he had ulterior motive or boundary issues(funny that he did have clear boundary with me by not inviting me to his place before.) The final straw made me broke up with him is when I asked him out to an outdoor movie. He was 30mins late, and I saw he was taking his sweet time chatting with a woman while walking towards me. It was a weekday night, so I let him go home soon after the movie instead of walking me home like we usually did, but I saw he stopped on his way 3 times to chat with different group of women. At that moment, I told myself it's over. I waited a week to get ride of negative emotions so I can calmly broke up with him. I called him to meet up, but he was out of town in a wedding (without telling me). I told him to talk when he is back. He immediately sense what I wanted to do, and called back in an hour: I think I know what you want to say, you don't want to see me anymore, it's because something I did. I insisted talking thing out in person is more respectful. He said he'll call in a week. He didn't call for 2 weeks, I didn't want to drag it any longer and send him an amicable long text acknowledging our problems and thanking him for the good times. He replied: I'm sorry for how I treated you, for all the stupid and disrespectful ways I acted. That was it, it wasn't a nice closure, but at least no resentment and bitterness. It was early August. Then I heard he got married early November to that "friend". All the crappy feeling came back, now combined with anger. I want to confront him. But I have so much confusions about him, I can't tell if he is really sneaky or having some personality disorder. If he played me, he deserved to be yelled at. If he has personality disorder and is taken advantage of, I pity him, but he doesn't deserve me to fight with that woman. I guess in the end, I want to learn to read people better, like for this guy, I don't know if he was playing me all the time or he has serious personality disorder, I don't know if I was dating him for the romance or was trying to be his savior. Also, when should I give the benefit of doubt, when should I just get the hell out.

...See more I dated a guy for 4 months last year, and I think I let it last so long because I wanted to figure him out or maybe I was wishfully thinking he was a diamond in disguise. The breakup was amicable. But the trauma came when I heard he got married in Nov., 3 months after we broke up, to a woman he said who is just "a friend" in need a place to stay, and I applauded him being such a great friend at that time (now I felt like an idiot)...It's not like I'm jealous or upset, I decided to leave the relationship anyway, but I felt betrayed. I made a mistake and I want to learn to read people better. I want to know if he is a typical womenizer or he has some personality disorder, because I thought he was the latter and decided to date him thinking people can grow out some personality defects. We met outside of a movie theater, he wanted to be friends and asked for my phone number. We went out that weekend, walking in the park and playing guitar. At the end of the day he pushed me for sex, when I turned him down, he complained in a childish voice: I love you. If we don't have sex, I don't want to see you anymore, and I don't want that. I replied: I can accept that. He left, I thought that's the end. He called me the next day and the next...just catching up. We went out the next week (I know I probably shouldn't, given the hug red flag, but my curiosity was piqued and the first meeting was great until the last minute, I later called him out emotionally blackmailing me, he was very surprised and said he didn't thought about it and didn't know it was blackmailing, my first suspicion of PD), I saw him exchanging phone number with another woman while waiting for me (It didn't bother me then because we were not dating). He said he wanted to be more than friends, I said he has to give me time to like him. He called me consistently everyday for a month and didn't push me for sex again, and was always punctual and kept his words, so I thought he might be worthy of serious dating. He was very affectionate, kissing, holding hands, and act of service etc, everything a woman wanted in a boyfriend. Only one thing bothers me: I don't know him, he is like an empty shell. When I tried to get to know him, asked what he likes, how is his family like. He said: I like music, I like you. I don't like to talk about myself. I said I want to know what you like, I feel happy with you, I want to do thing to make you happy too. He said: you are perfect, you don't have to do anything. He never invited me to his place until I protested, because he had bad experience with crazy exes harassing him after breaking up. He always shaves his head, and I wanted to see his photos with hair. He refused because there were pics of him with exes that he doesn't want to look at. When I confronted him about this at the end of first month dating, he walked out on me, then came back a few days later and invited me to him place and showed me some photos. He barely talk about anything concrete when we spent time together, but he is very social, he talks normally with other people, and I actually knew more about his life from him chatting with other people in a group setting. He does like talking loud in a group and appears overly excited. In one of my friends gather, he said to them: I love you guys so much, if you come visit _____, it's all on me! He literally just met them, and he didn't remember any of their names, it was so fake. Up to this point, I could take him or leave him, I enjoyed our time together, it was fun, but quite shallow for my standard. I decided to date him later when we went out together, a homeless man with HIV approached us asking for help to call his aunt, he made the call and waited the call back for 30mins, and we had some nice conversation with that man. I was quite touched by this, normally people would just walk away. He gradually doesn't call that often, which I'm not sure if it's because we were dating stably or he just has more distractions. When I asked his whereabouts, he said he went out with this or that group of friends. But I actually only met 3 of his friends. And I feel he doesn't have good character judgement. He said this person or that person is really shy, when I talk with them, they seem totally natural. And I don't think these friends are that close as he made it sound like. As we knew each other better, he tole me his parents were abusive, he doesn't like his younger sister either, but no concrete reason why they were abusive. (Given he has negative opinions about every close relationships in his life, family and girlfriends, I'm not sure how much truth in it. Like one of the example he gave me why he doesn't keep in touch with his mom and sister is they criticize him playing guitar all the time, he'd rather spend time with friends who love him more than they do. I disagree, I think it's because he doesn't know the proper time and place to play guitar, like not doing it to chase women on the street and disrupting dinner party.) He said he loves sex, he watched a lot of porn since 9 years old. He had about 10 girlfriends in the past, the last one ended 2 years ago. He broke up with all of them and claimed some of them are crazy. After that he started to hit on woman on the street randomly and have sex with them once or twice, he slept with about 60 women this way.When we finally had sex, it was very quick and boring, he seemed very excited, but I didn't enjoyed it (because somewhat I didn't feel in love throughout the relationship). He still talked to other women on the street, like one time we went out to meet his friend, he started to chat another group of women, and literally chasing them 2 blocks in front of me and his friend! We laughed at him as it was quite Don Juna. I didn't see him asking contact info though. One thing interesting for me is, the women I saw he had hit on are not that physically attractive...he is a somewhat decent looking guy. I'm not sure what pleasure he got out of it, is it just the attention? About a month before we broke up, he mentioned he had a friend need a place to stay, he is going to take her in. He knows her about 2 years and she is not an ex. I asked him: you said no girls in you place. He replied: yeah, I know. I said: that's very kind of you. I knew about this friend though I've never met her, I asked him to bring her along in one of our outings, she didn't show up. It seems they didn't get together often until she "needs a place to stay". After some days, he mentioned his best friend was going to visit in 2 months. He lives in a studio with a guest bed besides his own. So I asked him how he will manage the sleeping situation for 3 people, he said: one of us has to sleep on the floor then. I asked: so she is going to stay indefinitely? He said: I don't know. I don't mind him helping friend, I have done that for opposite sex friends too. But the lack of plan and responsibility made me feel either he had ulterior motive or boundary issues(funny that he did have clear boundary with me by not inviting me to his place before.) The final straw made me broke up with him is when I asked him out to an outdoor movie. He was 30mins late, and I saw he was taking his sweet time chatting with a woman while walking towards me. It was a weekday night, so I let him go home soon after the movie instead of walking me home like we usually did, but I saw he stopped on his way 3 times to chat with different group of women. At that moment, I told myself it's over. I waited a week to get ride of negative emotions so I can calmly broke up with him. I called him to meet up, but he was out of town in a wedding (without telling me). I told him to talk when he is back. He immediately sense what I wanted to do, and called back in an hour: I think I know what you want to say, you don't want to see me anymore, it's because something I did. I insisted talking thing out in person is more respectful. He said he'll call in a week. He didn't call for 2 weeks, I didn't want to drag it any longer and send him an amicable long text acknowledging our problems and thanking him for the good times. He replied: I'm sorry for how I treated you, for all the stupid and disrespectful ways I acted. That was it, it wasn't a nice closure, but at least no resentment and bitterness. It was early August. Then I heard he got married early November to that "friend". All the crappy feeling came back, now combined with anger. I want to confront him. But I have so much confusions about him, I can't tell if he is really sneaky or having some personality disorder. If he played me, he deserved to be yelled at. If he has personality disorder and is taken advantage of, I pity him, but he doesn't deserve me to fight with that woman. I guess in the end, I want to learn to read people better, like for this guy, I don't know if he was playing me all the time or he has serious personality disorder, I don't know if I was dating him for the romance or was trying to be his savior. Also, when should I give the benefit of doubt, when should I just get the hell out.

Bio

Recent forum posts

Talk to an expert therapist

Sharing your depressive thoughts and feelings may be scary and overwhelming, so...

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Bio