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Comfortdisgust456
130 M Embraced 1
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2018 Member sinceAugust 16, 2018
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Depression Support / by Comfortdisgust456
Last post
 September 17th, 2018
...See more What is your mind? Your minds just a place that creates irrelevant shit to make you unhappy thats occasionally greeted by thoughts that are positive. Why cant I or we have those happy thoughts constantly? Why does my body have to resort to those low comments or those unhappy thoughts instead of the good. It does and I cant control it. I cant control it when Im happy and something in my head tells me i shouldnt be or that I cant be happy and then there comes the waterfall of negativity. I cant control it when I get angry. I cant control it when Im moody, or when I want to cry or when I just dont want to talk. The times you think youre completely alone, invisible or numb are the times you sit and realise why youre trying, persevering for what? For yourself or for everyone else? Its in the darkest times you truly come to the realisation of what matters and who matters. Who cares and who doesnt. But above all of that you learn to become you , you learn strategies and cognition to be able to overcome the loneliest of times. The times that you face things you thought you would never face, or feel things you never wanted to feel, somehow give you the courage and determination to succeed when you finally escape and rejoin the normal you - for what felt like forever. Its in those times where you want to quit and are on the edge, but you feel your chest beating, and that is the reason you are alive. To look at yourself in disgust, in a way that you should look at yourself in comfort is awful. Its heartbreaking its a feeling that nothing can compare to. Its a silent fight that only you face independently. Although it may not be visual for people to see, its a struggle that I and many people have to come to grips with everyday. My mood is low, my happiness is low and my nice side is getting pushed aside. Pushing people away because thats the only thing I seem to be doing good at right now. I feel numb, I cant eat I cant sleep I cant talk, Im agitated, I dont want to go out but I dont want to lay here. Is it possible to be unconscious so I cant feel this way, I dont know what to do anymore Im so desperate. Im so hopeless. Im so sad
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