Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
CookieMonster12
101 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2019 Member sinceJuly 16, 2017
Bio
Recent forum posts
CookieMonster12 profile picture
Alone and worthless.
Depression Support / by CookieMonster12
Last post
 July 20th, 2017
...See more Hey guys. So this is my first time posting on here, and I apologize in advance if I'm posting this on the wrong board. I would love for some advice/support on what to do at this point, and I'm first going to supply a little background. So back when I was like 8 or 9, my dad said I looked like a pig for sitting with my legs crossed on the couch. I remeber my mom and him laughing about it. I've struggled with my weight all my life, and my family members laugh/make comments about it all the time. None of them are skinny, but everybody always wants to make comments about my weight. When I was 16, my mom told me to "go to hell" because there was a miscommunication with what time we were going to leave to go somewhere, so I ended up running late. When I was 17 my mom called me a bi**h for the first time because I got out of school late (picked me up). She calls me a "fu***ng bi**h" at least once a week now, and I never do anything wrong. I'm not the type of person that drinks/parties (not that people who do it are bad), I pretty much am either at school or home. For example, just this past week she called me that name because I unplugged my 17-year-old brother's computer monitor cords because he never stops yelling late at night when he plays computer games with his friends (my bed backs up to his bedroom wall). No damage was done, he just had to plug them back in. (For the record, I've tried talking to him and my parents about it, but they don't care). Also when I was 17, my mom has been trying to get me to leave our house. I go to college, but I went to community college first. I was planning on transferring this fall, but money might be an issue. Anyways, my mom says that I'm "not wanted here", "nobody wants me", "get the f**k out of here", along with other similar comments all the time since then. Just to save time, I don't really have family on both my mother and father's side. Technically they are there, but we are estranged since they have also talked trash about me behind my back before, along with humilating me in public when I was younger. This is been going on for about 7-8 years now, so it isn't anything new. They are the type of people who are nice to your face, but go behind your back right afterwards. I have friends, but whenever I try to talk to them they basically just tell me to get over it or that I should talk to my parents. But I cannot stress enough how much my parents do not care. My dad's an alcoholic to begin with, and how my mom treats me 99% of the time has already been somewhat explained above. I told one of my friends that I'm depressed just a few days ago, and she just ignored it. I feel alone and sad all the time. I have nobody to talk to, and my parents aren't the nicest to me. I don't even know if I'll be able to transfer to a university this fall because my parents will not contribute a dime, I have no car (my parents bought my younger brother one but not me), and I'm unemployed too (I apply to new job listings everyday). My goal in life is to be a doctor, so I have to go to a university. I feel like I'm drowning and I'll never make my way to the surface. I've thought about ending my life manyyyy times before, but I can never get myself to do it. When I was 16, my brother's dog died and I was mad at God for taking the dog's life and not mine. I cried everynight for nearly a week because I knew back then that I was worthless. And obviously I'm worthless now too, given that my own mom doesn't even want me and my dad can't stand to talk to me (not to mention my brother and sister who don't really talk to me anymore). What am I supppoed to do to get out of this hole I'm in? Is there even a way out at this point? I have never been more sad/depressed in my entire life, and I've been going through a lot since I was a kid. It just seems like it's never going to end.
Search more from @CookieMonster12
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
5 total badges
Hand Shake Linked First Post Reaching out First Compassion
Report an issue