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Coralium
1 878 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts54 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceDecember 3, 2014
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My aunt passed away and I'm heartbroken. I want to talk about her and about her terrible daughter.
Grief & Loss / by Coralium
Last post
 December 16th, 2024
...See more I don't think anyone is going to read a text this long, I just really needed to write. My aunt was a rich person. And she was one of the most kind-hearted person I have ever met. I am lucky to be in a family where the closest people to me are really kind towards others; even the ones with not that much money. But not everyone is like that. I was always at my aunt's house; she lived near my school, the church I went to, the doctors I went to, my ballet classes, even my college campus were near her place. So since childhood I visited her constantly, when I was in college and doing internship I would leave work, go to her place and have dinner with her and my grandmother and go to college (I studied at night) and she loved it! We had a great time together. She was an older lady and had some mobility issues, so she always asked me to go with her to places and help her; which I gladly did. I helped her go shopping, picked stuff up for her, anything that she needed. And she helped me too; when I needed advice (even when I though I didn't need), when I needed money for something...she helped my family, she helped people that wasn't family and people she didn't even know. She was a strong woman. Breast cancer survivor, I wasn't even born when it happened. She had so many health complications over the last few years...and she got through all of them. But then she had cancer again, and recovering from it was difficult. The chemotherapy was so strong and her immune system became so weak. She was feeling really weak overall. Had to go to the hospital again, did so many blood transfusions, so many treatments, 36 days hospitalized and she finally got out. She couldn't walk, but with some physiotherapy she would be better, we knew that. During all this time, all these months my aunt was fighting cancer, being hospitalized back and forth, my parents were working triple shifts basically. Dealing with my little brother, who has a complicated ADHD case, work, their own home and having to take care of my aunt's home too. My dad would leave work, pick them up, bring them to my aunt's place to see how my grandma was doing, bring food, groceries, medication, diapers if they - my grandma, aunt, and 2 caregivers - needed any (which they usually needed), try to help my brother with homework (a hard task), come back home and repeat everything the next day. Their maid took weekends off, so they also went there every weekend to cook for them, make some soup for my aunt etc. Everytime I visited my parents my mom was crying, barely keeping it together, she was so worried about my aunt and I think feeling guilty for not being able to not do everything at her place. My dad had to juggle work cause he had to leave early lots of times to take my aunt or my grandmother to doctor appointments. It was exhausting for them. But they did everything happily, for love. Also during that time, her daughter visited her once in a while, took her to some doctor appointments once in a while. Can't say she didn't do ANYTHING. But mostly, what she did was argue with my aunt for money. My cousin didn't have to work a single day in her life and she lives off my aunt's money. Which is ok, fair. But she thought it was ABSURD that my aunt would take care of her own mother, my grandma (her grandmother too, but she didnt like anyone in the family, she called my grandmother "my mother's mom"). She thought it was unfair for my aunt to spend so much money on her. I guess what she didn't understand (or pretended to not understand) is that we didn't have the same finances. We couldn't afford the same things my aunt could provide to my grandma...which my grandma needed - caregivers, diapers, medication, health insurance. She was CONSTANTLY arguing with her about it, giving her the cold shoulder, stopped visiting her. We would come by her house to visit and she would be looking so sad, we would ask "what's wrong?" she said "nothing...". We then found out that it was again another fight over money and that my cousin had stopped talking to her. It was heartbreaking seeing her there in her favorite armchair, with no hair, looking so sad. Because of her own daughter. November 15th, it was my grandma's 95th birthday and my aunt was home after 36 days in the hospital away from her! But no one was really truly happy...my aunt couldn't get out of bed, she was really depressed and had no strenght...she was dealing with depression like I dealt with in my worst time. But right on the time she needed the strenght to recover. My grandma blowed out the candles on the cake and we said "make a wish!" and she started to cry. We all knew what she was wishing for. Well...November 18th came, my parents and I went to visit her, she was looking good. I had a great talk with her about depression the day before, she saw that I deeply understood what she was going through and I guess she felt hope, like it was possible to get out of that numbness, that feeling of being incapable, that apathy. We left her place feeling happy, it was the first time she showed signs of improvement. My parents came to my place to see how it was looking for the first time, we had pizza to celebrate and things were looking good. When they were leaving my dad got an audio message from the caregiver saying that my aunt had a suspected thrombosis and she would have to be rushed to the hospital; her daughter was taking her. I guess no one was able to sleep that night. And on the morning of November 20th, my godfather came to my house to give me the news. Her funeral was later on the same day. My cousin owns everything now. My grandmother is living with my parents, they rearranged everything. My dad is splitting with 2 brothers my grandma's expenses, since my cousin won't be helping with a dime, and we are still not going to be able to afford everything that she had; only part time caregivers now and they are probably on the limit with the budget, cutting lots of costs (including my therapy and medication, they paid for me...I offered to pay for them myself, considering the situation). It's really tough now, I'm relapsing and I think my parents are on the edge...but we will make it. At least now I guess my cousin is happy Tia, you were an angel on this planet. I'm going to visit you on my birthday and bring you beautiful flowers <3 I hope you are happy with Tio Nivio and I want you to know I see you in everything and I miss you so much! It was so sad taking your name off my christmas gift list this year...you are such a difficult person to buy for, your name was already there and I was already thinking about what I was going to give to you! I think about you with every dorama I watch. And everytime I look to one of the things you gave me (so many!). I use your rice recipe almost everyday! Thank you so much for giving me the honor of being close to you. I'll never forget how you grabbed my hands and said "I love you, ok?" when I visited you. And I'm so so so SOO LUCKY that I was able to tell you that I loved you and how grateful I was for everything you did for me before you were gone. My love for you will stay with me forever and ever <3
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