I want to draw, visualize and meditate, create art that helps me find other people with similar preferences, but I never let myself practice those nice things because dealing with stressful things always takes priority. I'm very moral and strict with myself, I most care about animals such as dogs and wolves and all pets. I despise myself when I'm not acting as conscientiously as I think i should, and stronger than my self hate I pain for animals when I understand what they are going through. That's most of what I do, uselessly suffer in honor of other animals suffering. This suffering drives me to trying to help them, but I usually fail because I'm awful at speaking to other people and the people I generally need to speak to to help animals are awful angry people who don't share any of my empathy.
I also dream of escaping my body and this world to a safe virtual place, leaving all of the suffering I see here behind, but I couldn't really condone doing that. I'm not any more important than the suffering animals I am always surrounded by, I should keep helping or at least trying to help them forever, even though I'm so bad at it. That is why I must suffer.
But I don't know everything, and I haven't had the opportunity to speak with many other people who feel the same kinds of compassion that I feel, so I sort of hold out a little bit of hope that there's a secret strategy to understanding the awful plights of domestic pets and yet feeling happy. Tell me please if you know of one.