Crescentcoversthelotus Member Profile

...See more It's been 10 months, 305 days... * 26,352,000 seconds * 439,200 minutes * 26,352,000 seconds * 439,200 minutes * 7320 hours * 305 days * 43 weeks and 4 days Yet, no answers on my case. He's nowhere to be found and that terrifies me. He could be anywhere, and anywhere I am at that. Anything can happen in seconds... and it can happen again. Any white male with a hefty build, and Doc Martens and a leather jacket can be him. Any white hefty male working at a Spencer's can be him... I'm scared to go to the mall, to drive by the hotel, to even be near the scene. It makes me remeber. I don't want to remeber, have the flashbacks, the anything. No one gets it and no one understands it. I'm told to move on, that it's not about me, that there's nothing that can be done, and it makes me vulnerable, scared, and yet numb at the same time. I'm too scared to sleep in my own bedroom. I'm soon to be 28, and I have to sleep with the light on. I have to sleep with heavy blankets on despite how hot it is, its okay though i have my AC on. I sometimes have to sleep in my parents bedroom, just to feel safe like theyre there with me, even if I have no support or stability from them. Sometimes i sleep on the couch just so my brother would be able to hear me if I were to be attacked again. I'm not okay in my own sanctuary... what used to be my sanctuary... I shaved my head because it reminded me of when we went out to celebrate my birthday. It reminded me of a lot. Yet, it still comes to me... why?

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